If you’ve got the guts you can have the glory. You can buy the glory if you want it bad enough. They’ll sell it to you. They’ll sell it to you for your guts. Remember that always.

I am dreaming of happy Pandas. A whole field full of happy Pandas. I am beside myself. I am entirely myself. I am going to set myself on fire. Just you wait and see.

Steve loves the Shopping Cart guy from Uridium 5. You know, we never did get that right. I looked it up and it’s not URIDIUM 5, it’s URIDIUM 15. Steve says that he does not care, it makes him happy none the less. Just like the Pandas make me happy. We are all very happy eggs. Yes, indeed we are. Sometimes you’ve just got to say ‘THE HELL WITH IT ALL!’ and leave it at that. Sometimes you’ve got to remember to turn the stove off before you go to bed. It depends.

My father doesn’t like it when I use profanity. Especially when it turns perfectly good sentences into perfectly disastrous sentences. For example:

example A) ‘Good try.’
example B) ‘Holy fucking shit you gimpy fuck, what the fuck was that?!’

Maybe Dad’s got a point there.

I will destroy. You will obey. That’s the way it has to be. You’ll make the lemonade and I’ll ensure that no other lemonade stand stands in our way. We will wear terrific panda suits. We will have a secret handshake. We’ll stick to the plan. I will destroy. You will obey. That’s the way it’s going to have to be. Pouting about it won’t change anything. Pouting about it will only make you look like an unhappy panda and we can’t have that. So you should think before you speak. You should consider your options before you decide to become an unhappy panda. Because you don’t want to know what happens to pandas that aren’t happy. You’d best be careful.

Don’t worry though. This is just us talking. This is just us coming together at the head. Like Siamese twins, like two happy peas in a pod. You would not like it if we were to do the other routine. There are no happy pandas in that one. Not at all. Just unpleasantness that I would rather avoid. So keep smiling. Always remember to keep smiling. There is nothing more pathetic than a sore loser. So keep smiling. Everything will take care of itself. Thank goodness.

I’m tired now. I am going to go to bed. I don’t much feel like being your friend anymore. The good old days are gone. Best to get on board with the depravity of the here and now. The world consumes, the world revolves, the world will someday come to an end. If not by us, then pulverized by the sun. The mysteries of the universe revealed with no time to study the data and reach an outcome, the sun will go out and all creatures great and small will be helpless against the unknowns of life. So why are you so worried? Why don’t you go have some drinks, get laid, get back, get something. After everything has been done, been bought, sold, produced, consumed, recycled, re-packaged, and re-sold, you will have gained nothing by floundering about trying to change things that cannot be changed. The little things exist only so that the important ones never get touched upon. That’s why you can wear leather shoes and, at the same time, refuse to eat beef. Because we are all, every one of us, entirely ridiculous.

I am going to go lie in bed and wait for the hands of impossibility to come strangle me. I am going to smile at my ceiling and sing the song of our undoing. I will wear my panda pajamas. I will think of you often when I get to where I’m going. Everything will be fine. Just you wait and see.