The Little Engine That Couldn’t
May 7, 2007, Matthew Good 
Last night, as I do every night, I produced a glass from my cupboard and put it on the counter. I then went to my freezer and grabbed an ice cube tray and cracked it and let spill three or four ice cubes into the glass. I then returned to the freezer, put the ice cube tray back, and grabbed one of the bottles of Vodka that I keep stored in it.
Then I poured myself a drink.
Besides Pinot Noir’s and good beer, and by good beer I am referring to good beer, the only other thing I really drink is straight Vodka. At times I have been known to dabble in Gin, of course, and in the past collected different varieties of it from around the world. There was also a brief period when, after watching the Big Lebowski for the 357th time, I spent a week drinking White Russians, but that came to a rather abrupt end because, in truth, they’re sort of girly.
Those that know me well know that for the better part of nine years I didn’t drink. My reason for quitting was quite simple – either I stopped when I did or right now I’d be sitting at some dive in Coquitlam drinking buck and a quarter pints and making half mast come fuck me eyes at some leather-bound, toothless women in Lululemon knock-offs two sizes too small.
That’s just the truth of it. Matthew Good I can, at times, handle being. Malcolm Lowry, on the other hand, despite the down and out romanticism, not so much.
After nine years of sobriety I started having the odd drink here and there, but it wouldn’t be until after the events of this past fall that it would become routine. Now, by routine I am not suggesting that I drink all day, every day, just that I enjoy a drink at night whilst sitting around or watching a film.
But last night, for some reason - perhaps it was the company and the conversation - the bottle(s) kept coming out of the freezer and the free pouring became more liberal. I’m not rightly sure how much I consumed, but it was enough to for me to enjoy some well deserved time with my head in the toilet in the middle of the night.
My problem with Vodka, and most find this strange, is that I simply can’t abide when it’s mixed with something. There’s something about defusing it that ruins it for me, so the most that I’ll allow for is the ice to melt and cut it with the water subsequently produced, though that usually doesn’t occur in full until at least a few glasses are consumed. For the most part, Vodka doesn’t effect me all that much. It’s one of those drinks that I can keep drinking all night without finding myself in a grass skirt and some women’s bra dancing on a table – not that that’s ever happened. Last night though, it would seems I attempted to go the distance with it and let’s just say that I didn’t make it to the 15th round.
At times I forget how much medication I take on a daily basis, and it’s probably not the smartest thing to actually take your nightly medication with a vodka chaser. Being that one of those medications is Clorazipam, one might consider referring to me as a complete idiot. Thankfully, the good Lord provided mankind with Gravol, which is handy for a lot more than motion sickness (if, that is, you can keep it down. In situations in which you find yourself unable to keep anything down I recommend the suppositories, they’re like revenge on your stomach from the other direction).
The point of this entry? There isn’t one, except – kid’s, don’t drink or do drugs and make sure you’re home by eleven. Beyond that, I have nothing further to add.
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Room temperature vodka, with no ice, in a glass, that’s a man’s drink.
Well, I guess I’m just a little girl. But I’ll drink it the way it’s been served to me in Eastern Europe for the time being and keep your advice in the back of my noggen when it’s time to impress the ladies.
single-malt scotch neat––preferably lagavulin. each bottle contains approximately 28 reasons to live.
I chase straight vodka with chips, just like I do cough syrup. Yeah, I’m a riot at parties.
What part of Eastern Europe? Where I come from they pour it into tiny glasses and make you chug it, over and over and over…only really old ladies are exempt from participating - most of the time they just resort to mixing it with a bit of juice so they can sip it.
Here’s a sure way to put an end to excessive vodka drinking. Fill beer cups with the stuff and drink it warm and straight until you pass out in an 8 year old’s bed. Then have the kid’s mom call your mom to say you won’t be coming home. Wake up in bed full of your own vomit. Die of shame. I promise, you won’t even be able to smell rubbing alcohol for a good ten or fifteen years.
Seriously dude, don’t mix your meds. I’ll be sad if you end up in the hospital again. We’re waiting for happy vacation songs now, remember?
Maker’s Mark bourbon. Sometimes 100 proof Rumplemintz Schnapps, and does that bar in PoCo have a name?
Good Beer? Please go into more detail. I’m guessing import all the way from previous pics. Is there any English beer you like. For me it has to be John Smith’s Smooth.
German beer does it for me , mmmmmmmmm beer.
finlandia with ice - If you’re out and wanna pace yourself use diet sprite as mix; reduces potential hang over and calories.
After consuming one to many shots of vodka one night,the cheap as shit that burns all the way down, I can only tolerate it mixed…but hey I am a girl, so it doesn’t really matter… I like girly drinks, I have no problem admitting to it.
“leather-bound, toothless women in Lululemon knock-offs two sizes too small.” That’s a special image Matt.
I’m with you on the Pinot Noir and good beer. Mostly beer though. Mostly.
What is your opinon of “good beer”?
And also, I have an interview at a brewery tomorrow, got any random facts that can make me sound smarter than I actually am on the subject?
And also, I have an interview at a brewery tomorrow, got any random facts that can make me sound smarter than I actually am on the subject?
2005 Lake Breeze Pinot Noir you will not be disappointed
Newcastle Brown Ale mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm goood!!!
That’s some good work man.. Thankfully, it’s been a while since I’ve prayed to the procelain God.
Thanks for the mental image Matt - head in toilet and gravol suppositories in hand… Where’s your camera at times like that? On the other hand, please no.
i hate barfing.
Australian or South African shiraz is my choice. Can you recommend a good wine for me to try? I like full bodied, spicy wine but will try anything you recommend.
I’m a huge gin fan. Huge huge gin fan.
Matt, what beer, in your opinion, is good?
ew, scotch. I can no longer accept that people drink that stuff for fun. there was a time I did, but an evening of scotch slugs and drambuie chasers, both a la carte, cured that. even the smell of any hard liquor makes me taste bile instantly….after 9 years.
there’s a quote that a select group of my old friends pull out once in a while….”Pull the car up, I’ve puked on all of this and I need a clean snow bank.”
howver, that evening one of them ended up with his face suck in a five gallon bucket as he was puking in it…
these days, it’s the odd beer. I love Rogue’s Juniper Ale, but I wouldn’t call it good with italics. Also the line that they’re doing with Iron Chef Morimoto. Mmmm.
cfile—ask them what the alpha levels are on the hops that they use, and where they get them (ie Austria, or somewhere closer to home). Mention a fondness for Pacman yeast.
Gravol really IS quite the miracle, no matter which orifice it enters. I’d be a constantly-puking sweaty mess without it.
And just to throw it out there, Gravol only needs to be in your system for about 15 minutes before it starts working (especially the SUPER miraculous Dual Relief), so even if you can’t keep it down it will generally work anyways.
van gogh vodka has an unfortunate taste.
it’s time to gogh.
I’ve heard that the burning sensation you feel from straight vodka is quite literally damage being done to your throat and vocal chords. Don’t want to ruin your fun Matt, but you might want to look into that.
Or maybe I’m just drinking stuff that’s too cheap. Because damn it burns.
Oh well, just think of all the times you were The Little Engine That Could, Matt.
Grey Goose and I have had some fun times. Finlandia also.
Matt’s definition of ‘good beer’ includes Heineken, if I remember correctly, which might be controversial with some a y’all. I find nothing wrong with it but it ain’t my favourite.
Also, Matt, “clorazipam” doesn’t seem to be a real drug, did you mean clonazepam or clorazepate or something?
emu said:
my dad, who was a great doctor (and father)-
loved to point out that alcohol is a “metabolic toxin”…
meaning that it attacks and poisons every system in the body-
starting with the alimentary canal and digestive tract, of course.
he would delight in reminding me this at family gatherings-
usually the day after some event at my college, bar or concert-
where i had consumed just a little too much of those toxins…
and was suffering like a bastard.
he was cool, though- and as i knew he was also a bartender
and lived a life rich with experience-
he was speaking from that, not an actual opposition to alcohol
and its proper use to enhance and inspire, sometimes-
especially when it comes to friends, family…
and love & life, of course.
oh and while it diminishes the body, a bit-
it also can purify the soul… a lot-
pick your poison, well.
vincent, in buffalo
http://www.basicmagic.com
You know, back in the day when I drank I was all about the room temperature vodka straight. Never touched the mixed drinks or anything with ice. As a woman, drinking such a manly drink was impressive at a bar - less so sitting at home alone and spending hours hunched over the toilet. I gave up vodka back then….and as much as I love the stuff (and I do love it) I stay faaaaaaaaaar away from it now.
Where’s a MG police officer when you need one?
*sigh*
I’m such a mom, can’t help but worry.
Haven’t touched alcohol since my twenties when I decided that I wanted to suffer the world and let the world suffer me completely lucid at all times. Sometimes it sucks. Most people think choosing to not drink is like choosing to not breathe, so I find myself letting people believe it is a religious choice without actually lying about it. I usually put cranberry juice in a wine glass so I don’t have to explain myself.
I’m never drinking again.
Nothing touches your vocal chords on the way down. When you swallow, substances actually go around them, not through them.
Word of advice from a teetotaller: do drink, do drugs, and mess around with the gender of your choice. Cause trust this sober Muslim, even if you don’t, your life will still suck, so why not enjoy yourself?
I implore Matt and everyone to try some Arrogant Bastard Ale by Stone Brewing Company in California. Absolutely fantastic stuff. Can probably get it in BC since it’s still kind-of in the region.
My girly drink of choice is a gin and tonic, though my straight liquor is Jameson or Jack Daniels.
Oh, forgot. Love anything out of the Unibroue lineup. Fantastic beer, brewed all olde-style. Awesome label art too.
Single malt scotch, on the rocks
mmm… vodka! i often drink it straight on the rocks as well - Grey Goose and Pravda. Though, lately, it seems to be a lot of Jamesons and excellent Rums - Pyrat and Lacapa Centenario… try those matt… you’ll feel like a palmy island… and if you aren’t quite there… eat a little dark chocolate with the pyrat reserve… now that’s love baby…
Scotch, neat.
…
Strange how entries like this make folks feel the need to share their drinking habits. I’m guessing if you wanted to know what people drank on a Tuesday night, you would ask!
Anyways.
Scotch, neat. Currently enamoured with Laphroaig.
This post just made my morning. :)
Vodka eh? I’m a striaght-rum man myself to be honest, voldka always had far too strong a taste for my liking. More-so then Jack Daniels even, but hey, I may be crazy.
I’ve been meaning to try a White Russian though…any good?
Best beer in the world is, oddly enough..or not oddly enough considering that they consume more beer than anyone else on the planet, from the Czech Republic and Slovakia. Budvar from the Czech, and Topvar from Slovakia. When there, they charge you a dollar Canadian for a half litre. A HALF LITRE. Sorry. Just such good beer, and we can’t get it here in Canada.
Drinking, smoking… GOOD ROLE MODEL THERE MATT.
Vodka’s the way to go if you’re gunna go at all.
I prefer chewable gravol…
I don’t really drink…
but when I do….it’s straight Tequila….no Ice
From someone whose hometown is (unfortunately) Maple Ridge, I couldn’t agree more with your description of a suburban cougar. And Lululemming… a bit of a sore point as well.
gimme a lucky lagar beer. simple like me
PABST BLUE RIBBON!!!!!
Just kidding… like a little Grey Goose with lime and a splash of water.
My brother-in-law makes his own wine. MG might like the Pinot Noir or the Cab he makes. I take anything he gives me and to tell the truth even the Barbera is pretty tasty.
Gin and ginger until I can’t count fingers.
I’ll drink anything, but I agree. Beer should only be drank if it’s good beer. There’s a pub in Calgary that makes their own brand. I’m not going to advertise for them, but if you see “Twisted Horn” on the menu, I highly recommend it.
As for a man’s drink, a straight shot of absinthe will wash such notions of “manliness” and “masculinity” from you, because you’ll be too busy trying to find something to put the fire in your stomach out. I’ve drank some things that by rights, shouldn’t be drunk, and I’m content to say I’ll just stick with gin from now on.
It’s a lot easier on the system.
Captain Morgan’s Private Stock. Straight; no ice. It’s sippable like nothing else I’ve ever had.
I was kind of concerned when you said you were on all these meds, and that you drank, but since I’m not your mom & you seem to realize what you’re doing…well, just be careful. Please.
That created quite a picture in my head, thankyou…
Scotch is for wannabe Italians Ciavarro.
Jamesons 12 Years or if you can find it Green Spot.
Oh I also recommend a Hilton in a Jail Cell…I’ve only heard about it but it sounds delish.
Good man Matt! I’m always locked and loaded with a tube of Wyborowa ready to rock in the freezer. (HAS to be in the freezer). It’s not winning any awards but makes me feel some loyalty to the old country.
Nastrovya!!!
wow. i did the whole vodka thing before i was of age. (21). i drank a lot of sky . ahh to be 17 again. maybe i should try it again. the vodka not being 17. bud light is getting so everyday to me. i should get a bottle a sky this weekend. i’ll sure need it next weekend! a family party oh joy.
oh and matt do what you gotta do. drink vodka when ever you want to. the whole smoking thing thats where i object.
love,manda-dk,ny
No shit? That sounds pretty cool actually, I’ll research that some more.
Well then, I know what I’m drinking tonight.
“Best beer in the world is, oddly enough..or not oddly enough considering that they consume more beer than anyone else on the planet, from the Czech Republic and Slovakia. Budvar from the Czech, and Topvar from Slovakia. When there, they charge you a dollar Canadian for a half litre. A HALF LITRE. Sorry. Just such good beer, and we can’t get it here in Canada.”
Budvar actually is available in Canada, but the name isn’t allowed to be used. You can find it as Czechvar in North America.
I forgot - Nemiroff Honey Pepper vodka is awesome. The Ukrainians have all kinds of neat, weird flavours. It costs about $2 a bottle, but unless something has changed recently you have to go there to get it.
Yah, your vocal chords are like the gateway to your trachea so unless you’re inhaling the vodka…
James from Winnepeg:”Captain Morgan’s Private Stock. Straight; no ice. It’s sippable like nothing else I’ve ever had.”
Smooth? You want to try Westerhall Rum, from Grenada. Not available in Canada anywhere I looked. A little Caribbean delivery once in a while. A little ice, nothing smooooother in the world to sip on. Like butter, only rum. ?
I am also a big fan of Morgan Deluxe. yumyum.
vodka…yum!! that tends to be my choice of drink. straight? not so much. of course i do take a few drinks of it straight from time to time - and when i’ve become rather intoxicated, i might even take it straight out of the bottle…haha. i almost always have to mix something with my vodka && ice - i started drinking the cheap vodka first:: the one that tastes like shit, but gets the job done. i much rather prefer greygoose or skyy vodka - those have to be my favorite. i’ll admit i like the girly drinks and that i drink my alcohol in girly ways. speaking of vodka, i believe tonight is a girls night which means theres a bottle of smirnoff vodka awaiting me && my ladies for quite a gathering tonight. should be interesting!
You’re playing with fire when you drink and are on meds. Alcohol is a depressant and it does its job. I know from experience. Drinking dulls the pain inside but it solves nothing. Need to relax? Meditate. Call a friend. Talk to God. Don’t drink. I don’t mean to sound like a drill seargent, but I speak from experience…I’m on meds too.
Best wishes
I have a stupid question: Are Caucasians the same thing as White Russians? I’ve heard Matt refer to both, so I’m just curious. Speaking of girly drinks, I visited Vancouver in ‘96 and was introduced to the Bellini. I still think of those 11 years later…