Speaking To A Man In Secret
A friend sent me a link to this story this afternoon and it utterly enraged me.
No matter the religious or cultural beliefs of any group or individual, the assurance of fundamental human rights is paramount. No individual has the right to deny another their rights, nor do they possess the power to indiscriminately take life based on completely arcane and uncivilized traditions.
To quote the article…
“Hamda Abu Ghanem feared for her life, but there was no one to protect her. Shortly after returning home from a battered women’s shelter, she was shot to death while she slept - the ninth woman in her clan killed for dishonouring the family.
The 19-year-old’s crime: speaking to a man in secret.
Now, Hamda’s sisters are in hiding, the chief witness to the slaying is missing and Arab women in this central Israeli town live in fear - caught between an unforgiving tradition that allows little contact between the sexes, a community afflicted by violence and drugs, and anemic government intervention.
Several of Hamda’s relatives and friends took the rare step of speaking about the terrifying world in which they live - a world in which a woman’s life can be taken with impunity by a male relative who suspects her of sexual misconduct.
Her grieving mother adds a silent testimony - wounds she has inflicted on her own flesh to mirror the places she says her own son’s bullets pierced his sister’s body.
According to UN statistics, more than 5,000 women and girls die across the world each year in so-called “honour killings.” Suspicion of misconduct is all that’s required. Islam forbids the practice, but powerful conservative Arab tradition allows it.
Last year, eight women were victims in Israel’s Arab community of 1.4 million people, women’s groups said.
But although honour killings aren’t uncommon here, nine in one clan is unprecedented.
Police warn marked women, encourage them to go to shelters, try to bring suspected killers to prosecution, and attempt to enlist the help of community leaders, said Limor Gueta, a spokeswoman for the Ramle police district.
But “there aren’t enough police in order to give the services we should give,” Gueta acknowledged.
A wall of voiceless witnesses only makes things harder, police said.
Also a factor: Police and the Ramle municipality do not have a program to prevent honour killings - a point activists say proves violence against Arab women isn’t taken seriously.
“Honour killings aren’t a priority,” said Aida Touma, director of Women Against Violence, which sets up shelters for abused Arab women in Israel.
“At the very least it’s a subconscious form of racism that holds, ‘They are Arabs, that’s their culture and tradition. They kill their women,’ ” she said.
Only two men have been arrested in the nine Abu Ghanem murders that have taken place over the past 11 years, and only one was convicted, because families destroyed evidence and lied to police to protect the killers, said a spokesman for national police, Micky Rosenfeld.
When police try to probe for information, “nobody is talking,” confirmed Gueta. “This is a code, and nobody is willing to break it.”
Hamda’s older sister, Sahar, has begun speaking out against her powerful, armed clan and honour killings, at the risk of her own life. She fled to a secret location with her six children days after Hamda died.
“I want to break this wall of silence, I want to stop honour killings,” Sahar said in a telephone interview.
Relatives say Hamda’s brother Kamil gunned her down on Jan. 16. He is now in prison, and police said they intend to press murder charges
“Hamda died for nothing,” Sahar said. “She was honourable. The people who killed her have no honour.”
While it is one thing to respect religious traditions, it is entirely another thing to allow the murder of women in the name of entirely uncivilized traditions. What has occurred in Ramle is an utter disgrace, and no justification can be offered up to defend its murderous cowardice.
No man on this earth should ever strike a woman. And those that feel justified in doing so, let alone shooting them, are not men, but creatures undeserving of any title whatsoever.
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July 1st, 2007 at 9:05 pm
In Pakistan, near where I lived is a women’s prison. Many of the women I knew growing up are now active in the Woman’s rights movement in Pakistan, but growing up with this sort of thing is awful. Only recently have these honour killings been getting the kind of coverage it deserves. For years this prison has been filling up with women, most of them in there for finally fighting back. One woman was beaten by her husband for years. One day he beat her to within an inch of her life, and she fought back. In return, he set her on fire. She survived the fire, and then was imprisoned for fighting back. This story is just one of thousands that was not getting told anywhere. Not in the local news, not in the national news, and not in the international news. Though this is truly a horrible story, this generation is different from the prior one in that people are finally starting to take notice of what is happening to these women. Whereas growing up these stories were hidden in the shadows and people subscribed to the “hide it under the rug” model, now there is news coverage and attention being given to this situation all over the world.
So as horrible as this article is, and tragic as this incident is, I think it is important to keep in mind that whereas before (as recently as 30 some years ago) nothing was being done, and everyone just accepted the way it was, now times are changing, and though honour killings, and unjustified imprisonment are far from a thing of the past, there are still people making efforts to try and end them.
July 1st, 2007 at 9:23 pm
I was thinking of poor women in these conditions all day today, and I wish I didn’t have to. I recently moved to Alberta, and it has always been a lifetime dream of mine to see the Rockies, but thus far I haven’t as I am extremely shy and haven’t made any friends yet, so had no one to go with. Today, I woke up and, being inspired by Canada Day, I decided to go myself. As I was driving down the David Thompson Highway, I thought how absolutely wonderful it is to be a free Canadian woman who can take a day trip by herself without fear of persecution by males who abhor any kind of independence in females. The people were so friendly, and I even got to stop and go for a short hike because there were people whom I met there who kept an eye out for me after finding out I was alone. I just had the best day ever fulfilling my dream! I cannot even comprehend the situation these poor women live in, and I don’t understand why these attitudes exist! Why is it OK for the men to wage war and kill people, and not OK for women to be free to love or maintain friendships with whom they choose? Wouldn’t more love in the world be better than more killing? I just don’t get it.
July 1st, 2007 at 9:40 pm
It saddens me that progress on such issues is so slow in coming. Hopefully more exposure like this will hopefully force the issues to be addressed more quickly.
By coincidence, on Friday I was reading an interview in Time magazine with Rania Al-Abdullah, Queen of Jordan. She’s an advocate for women empowerment in her country and beyond. Some interesting questions were asked of her.
July 1st, 2007 at 10:19 pm
Usually keep my mouth shut but when it comes to this I can’t. Violence against women is something very close to me. For the first 13 years of my life I watched as bruises and broken bones were explained away. Much as Hamda was encouraged to do. I saw a man who ‘loved’ her hurt her. To me this is one of the most henious things I have every witnessed.
We seem likely to think that this problem if a them not us situation. I know from experience that it is not. I’ve been turned away from the shelters cradled under my mother’s arm because there wasn’t even a corner we could curl up in, they were so full. I know that we as Canadians are lucky and Canadian women are free, liberated, strong. But many of these strong women are kept from their families, living in fear and having the lives of their children threatened to keep them in line. While this is a global issue a strong look needs to be given to our own back yard. I am in no way equating my story with the horror of Hamda’s story. But I do know that I see my father in my brother in the worst of ways and that just last week I asked my mom what our life would be like if the second time we left hadn’t stuck. ” I’d probably be dead”. Which is true.
While it gives me great comfort some men in this world would never think of laying an unkind hand on a woman, I have seen to much evidence that too many would.
July 1st, 2007 at 10:27 pm
As xarcadia said, times are changing. Recently in Pakistan women’s rights are much more recognized then they once were. Two years ago if a woman had been raped she would need at least five witnesses for the crime to be legitimately recognized, and if she could not come up with these five witnesses the woman would be thrown in jail for adultery. But recently president Musharraf has taken the initiative to help women who have been sexually and or physically abused, putting laws in place to protect the women from being wrongly persecuted.
When did we live near a prison?
July 1st, 2007 at 11:00 pm
Thanks Matt for sharing this story. I had to send it to you as we had a conversation about this last week with the book that I was reading.
July 2nd, 2007 at 3:54 am
I think a couple of things have been touched upon in the comments.
First of all, when it comes to honour killings, this is as a result of some “tradition” within some cultures to save face in the event something deemed dishonourable is done by a person. The honour killings that have been highlighted so far have primarily been those of women who have supposedly shamed their family by some action on their part.
Second, when it comes to the general abuse of women at the hands of men, this is still an ongoing problem in this country (Canada) as well as other Westernized countries. This is still an issue that needs to be addressed, sadly. I remember when my sister worked as a counselor in a county prison, she had to deal with men who were incarcerated for some crime against women. It’s amazing when she told me that some of the men absolutely deny they did anything wrong.
And lastly, we may be free here in Canada, but as pointed out by MissChriss, we are not totally immune to some of these travesties. Also, I would like to point out that honour killings have occurred on our soil. Just Google “honor killing Canada” and you’ll find articles on some instances of this happening. As people migrate from place to place, some of their traditions migrate with them.
July 2nd, 2007 at 5:24 am
And this is yet more fuel for the fire - “good thing we’re bombing those savages in the middle east back to the stone age” thinking.
To my mind, this isn’t as much about tradition or culture as it is about human nature. It’s about power and control, pure and simple. On this blog, I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir, but ya gotta know there’s gonna be conversations in bars across this country, across this continent, where this tragedy is leveraged to reinforce the hypocritical and racist foreign policies of the U.S. and Canada.
If Hamda’s death is to mean anything, it should remind us that we’re all just people, each of us capable of compassion or hatred; we’re all in this together.
July 2nd, 2007 at 5:42 am
kcouler, I think that is an amazing point. The tradition is in fact a tool that men who want to exercise control and dominance over women can use to further that end. I also think bunster10 has an excellent point as well. The honour killings that take place in some societies are very tragic, and make for better news than the same story happening in western societies. Unfortunately not just in other countries. In the West, beating of women and honour killings can be categorized as barbaric acts committed by savages in alien countries with other practices and goes a long way in helping to cement racist beliefs. Though the foreign stories do get more press these days, I think its important to keep in mind that men are shooting and killing their wives and girlfriends domestically on a daily basis , and though they aren’t labeled honour killings, its just as bad. Thanks Matt for bringing attention not just to the honour killing tradition, but also to violence against women.
*Amman it was right outside the city. Theres also a well out there where you could put your baby if it was born female. Other side of the city, but also right outside of it. Theres a lot of ugly things in Karachi people don’t talk about.
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:01 am
I’m pleased that the article pointed out that Islam specifically forbids the practice. It’s frequently (even among ‘academics’ I’ve spoken with) a point that gets lost.
A terrible story.
July 2nd, 2007 at 9:54 am
This is just another example of extreme cruelty and humiliation of women that is masked behind cultural relativism or religious rituals. What possible cultural advantage could arise from a woman being murdered for opening her mouth? Too often do i hear of examples of blatant curelty towards women that people will dismiss with some blanket sweep like “It’s their culture/religion” and somehow its okay…bigotry and discrimination should never be allowed no matter what reason, divine or historical.
July 2nd, 2007 at 10:03 am
sad…sad…sad
no shortage of such stories…and as others have mentioned in their comments…sad even Canada is not immune so such disgusting stories. And if you’re having trouble shutting up your wife/getting rid of her/setting her on fire here in canada…have it done in India/Pakistan where the authorities can be bought. i’ve seen countless stories on the CBC following the plight of families here in canada whose daughters have mysteriously disappeared during trips to india or pakistan.
and just last week in the Star…there was a story on the hijab “line is thin between leering, appreciating June 28″ and i’m aghast at the only letter printed in the comments section the next day reinforces such bullshit attitudes toward women. Munir Chagpar (i’m gonna go out on a limb and assume Munir is a man) states “women who wear it (the hajib) will testify that the modesty of this dressing keeps away unwanted looks….it also raises her status of a woman in terms of what she is capable of achieving rather than limit her worth to how beautiful she is. her beauty, if restricted to her husband only and concealed from the public, can create an aura of modesty and respect for woman”
what the fuck??!!! first of all…the guilt lies with the pigs that leer. why the fuck should a woman cover up when you can’t fucking control yourself. capable of achieving?? woman are treated little better than animals…what the fuck can they achieve??? talking to a man gets them killed…are you telling me that the hijab is aiding women realize their potential?? nice try but bullshit! only word used correctly by Manir is ‘restricted’ as in..i can control my woman.
it gets better when he starts off his next bullshit statement with the wonderful….”how should women expect to be treated…”
when the fuck will men stop with the ….what did she expect??she was wearing a tight top/short skirt. routine.
the ’she was asking for it’ bullshit.
but your honour….i couldnt help but rape her…she was so attractive
add some religion to the mix…all of a sudden they’re throwing blankets over their ‘property’ and shooting them in the name of honour.
holy fuck…men are pigs
pathetic
July 2nd, 2007 at 10:07 am
To believe that everything was perfect traditionally (and therefore to use this as an excuse to leave the status quo in tact) is to idealize the past. This is similar to the way that dominant hegemonic powers have idealized the traditions of many cultures as homogenous, quaint, and backwards in order to regard them as outdated, so that they can be “modernized. It ignores that “traditions” are and were contested (for a great many reasons). It also ignores that traditions have been influenced contemporarily by global forces (whether socially, economically, or politically) and that this has also caused changes in tradition. As was well pointed out (and Wolfrider emphasized), this is not a long-held tradition and Islam forbids it—a point that is often ignored because a discourse that ignores this is able to construct an idealized tradition that, in this case, actually has more to do with the present than the past. Many traditions that remain in tact work to the advantage of the current local, national, and global order (otherwise they are often quickly oppressed, suppressed, or coerced into submission). Violence against women is widespread and upheld by elite supra-state organizations like the WTO, the World Bank, and the IMF, who affect the conditions that reward this brutal and widespread violence in the name of cold and calculated cost benefit analysis. This is the tradition of a world where the accumulation of wealth is held higher than the sanctity of human life otherwise it would not be tolerated—otherwise we would not allow ourselves to forget that there is absolutely no context in which violence against women is justified. As Commondanta Esther (of the EZLN) pointed out—the right not to be brutalized must be imposed not demanded—it isn’t something to ask for, it is something that must exist when life is held in highest regard and embraced as the purpose of the short time we have here [in a disturbing irony, this hits the core of the struggle for women’s rights].
An excellent ethnographic work that provides a great deal of insight into this subject is called “Dissident Women: Gender and Cultural Politics in Chiapas” edited by Shannon Speed, R. Aida Hernandez Castillo, and Lynn Stephen.
While it may seem odd that I’m recommending a book that is discussing issues half a world away from the original article, it actually emphasizes that understanding local context is as important as understanding both state and global political and economic forces. As such, it is entirely relevant to this. It delves into the questions that women are facing in the Zapatista movement in Mexico (one of the first movements that has put forward the purpose of achieving class, ethnic, and gender rights). More specifically, it shows how women in the Zapatista movement are attempting to shatter the dichotomies between tradition/modern and domestic/public. It also shatters the paralysis caused by extreme cultural relativism by showing that it is important to understand the way power is organized and to always ask who benefits because of this, no matter where in the world. This, in my opinion, is at least one of the keys in taking action to end this unbearable violence.
July 2nd, 2007 at 10:08 am
S. IV. 128 : If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on on her husband’s part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men’s souls are swayed by greed. But if ye do good and practice self-restraint, Allah is well-aquainted with all that ye do.
July 2nd, 2007 at 10:10 am
Brilliantly said Nadia. I’m going to order the book on amazon right now. Thanks for reccomending it.
July 2nd, 2007 at 10:31 am
The scary thing is how righteous a person can view their actions after committing an act so henious. It really makes me stop and think… just because culture and tradition says it’s OK to do something, are my actions always as humane as they could be? It’s too easy to pass something off as being alright just because it’s been so tightly woven into my lifestyle for as long as I can remember.
Of course, it’s difficult to see ourselves doing anything as drastic as gunning down our fellow man/woman for something as innocent as speaking to somebody of the opposite sex - but thanks to so many subtle forms of propaganda in culture and the media - sometimes it really feels like we could get a step closer every day unless we’re very careful.
July 2nd, 2007 at 10:34 am
Men using their power over women is nothing new and feet often drag in addressing the issue. This is the extreme and must be absolutely terrifying for the women who live this way…my heart bleeds for this poor, young girl. How tragic. Even in the “best” of countries though, abuse is still an issue that needs a lot of work. Here in Canada, although as soon as a 911 call is put through and the police are obligated to show up, they are not obligated to treat you with respect or dignity when they do arrive. Often their cold, impersonal demeanor and “another one of these trailer trashes” attitude is humiliating and makes the woman feel even worse than she already does (self esteem isn’t real high in these situations to begin with). Some additional training in compassion and empathy would be a huge asset and is definitely lacking at the present time . As someone who’s experienced this, I know I was treated as if perhaps I’d “pushed his buttons” and “deserved” it. Even if I’d done something to anger him, never should it be an accepted response to be physical and inflict danger/injuries on another. The thinking has to change but I doubt it will. “She deserved it” is often the guise for someone’s who’s out of control, angry and insecure. But we shouldn’t buy it…noone “deserves” it.
This story really affected me. I can only imagine how it was for that woman…imagine that you’re not “allowed” to socialize with others and that a glance in someone’s direction could create a dangerous situation. Not unlike what many of us experience here, but the The anxiety these women must experience on a daily basis is surely agonizing for them. So sad.
July 2nd, 2007 at 10:45 am
Thanks Xarcadia–I’m really glad to hear that you’re going on to read this book. It really is an important work and, like any good ethnographic work, it includes the voices of the women who are participating in the EZLN (which leads to many amazing ideas). Interestingly, the editors include that one of their outright goals in putting together this work is to address the struggle that women (in the Chiapas) are waging in their own communities as well as with the state, “with the aim of legitimizing their new tradtions”.
July 2nd, 2007 at 2:27 pm
It’s gratifying to see that the reacton to this worthwhile post has not been singularly focused. The problem of violence against women may take different forms and be in different extremes, but it is certainly cross-cultural in nature.
Two comments on the current experience in B.C. In the positive, the reaction to a number of wife killings in B.C.’s East Indian community have led to the coming togther of both women and men to confront any underlying cultural problems. They are to be saluted. On the negative side, women’s services available to the general population have been badly eroded by a right wing government. We have been left with politicians making the right noises, but insufficient shelter and transition beds and counselling.
The good work to make this violence history must continue everywhere.
July 2nd, 2007 at 5:27 pm
It is disgraceful. I am ashamed to live on the same planet as people who use religion as a excuse for vilence like this. I am a human rights activist, and I like you Matt believe in respect the right of others to practice religion, but things like this appall me so much. Maybe Dawkins is right and religion is nothing but a curse.