So This Is Christmas
Over the last several years my family has become quite disenfranchised with Christmas. Last year we talked openly about it, how it seemed empty and self indulgent, which led to my mother and sister-in-law formulating a few ideas with regards to this year. The plan they’ve come up with is so good that I wanted to share it with everyone in hopes of maybe starting a minor trend.
Rather than buying gifts, everyone in the family is going to contribute what would have been spent on them into financing a care package for a family in need. Second, prior to Christmas day, we’re going to volunteer to serve dinner at a homeless shelter or at an outreach program in the community.
As my mother put it on the telephone this morning, our family gets by and that’s more than enough to celebrate. I agree with her completely. I have no time for the consumer frenzy of Christmas or its historically inaccurate religious significance. As a man that believes that the problems of this world must be solved by those that live in it rather than those that believe it is little more than a giant waiting room for the afterlife, it is a holiday that impassions a spirit that, in truth, should be ever present in our daily lives. That at our most fundamental level we are all the same, that we are only as strong as our weakest link, and that no amount of gifts or religious devotion can alter the fact our most basic commonalities supercede the fears and divisions that plague us. That, in the end, we are all members of a single family.
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October 9th, 2007 at 11:15 am
That’s a great idea. My family years ago set a price cap on gifts, since we all realized it was getting out of hand (my sister in particular was completely stressed out with how many gifts she had to buy and pay for). Last year we decided to give up on gifts completely, since we all felt they were rather pointless. I think what you guys are doing is really cool though.
October 9th, 2007 at 11:17 am
That is awesome.. I have volunteeed a couple of times on Christmas to serve dinner. Also have made care packages for those in our community that need more than I or my family.
It is one of the greatest feelings when you see the smiles on the faces of the lives that you are touching.
October 9th, 2007 at 11:19 am
I’ve become disenfranchised with not only Christmas, but all the “holidays” and events like birthdays. I’m not sure what it is, but they just don’t seem to mean as much or have the same appeal as when I was young. Now, everything seems so contrived and it’s not as much of an actual celebration, but just going through the routine of our traditions. It’s almost as if going through all the preparation and work is a burden and to me it should be anything but that.
October 9th, 2007 at 11:19 am
Thats cool Matt .. although our family has not taken our disenfranchisement with Christmas to that level we do set a limit .
$5 limit per family … the adults all draw1 name at Thanksgiving and a way we go.
I have to admit that over the years there have been some very interesting gifts exchanged … this year my Sister-in-law is getting the Hospital Music CD :)
Your mother has summed it up rather succinctly “our family gets by and that’s more than enough to celebrate.”
October 9th, 2007 at 11:25 am
It is a wonderful idea, though i think i would find it extremely difficult to convince anyone in my family to take part in. lol. I still hope it catches. Have you decided what the care package will consist of, or a method of delivery? You have to included a HUGE stuffed animal, hopefully bigger than the child it is intended for. That alone would make the holiday worth it.
October 9th, 2007 at 11:26 am
As a man who considers himself to have faith in a higher power, one that, at its core, promotes peace and the well-being of others, I agree 100%. Granted, my family and I exchange small gifts with one another every year, but we do our best to give, as well. We may not be saving the world or anything, but I’ll be damned if I’m not going to give something back.
October 9th, 2007 at 11:30 am
I pretty much exclusively buy CDs for people. I figure $15 a person is perfectly reasonable for our small family circle. Also, giving the gift of music seems in a higher echelon than some other presents, more pure.
October 9th, 2007 at 11:36 am
What a wonderful plan.
Many celebrities talk about all the good they’re doing for charities and the less fortunate, but mostly their contributions are simply money. They don’t actually get their hands dirty. I really admire you (and your family) for making a real difference!
October 9th, 2007 at 11:46 am
Our family does not exchange gifts for adults only the kids.
The novelty of Christmas is for the children anyway, the meaning of Christmas however is the gift of love.
.
October 9th, 2007 at 11:55 am
hah. I immediately thought when I read this…
“Around here, our ambition throws a non-perishable item in a donation bin at Christmas, and then pats itself on the fucking back because it thinks it’s done something decent.”
I’ve always wanted to do something along the lines of what Matt is suggesting here.
In my elementary school, we had a program where each class selected a less fortunate family. We would put all donate food, gifts, and other things to make them have a great Christmas. That seemed kind of odd to me, when I was young. I’d rather spend money on N64 games or slurpees at the time. But now, I’m really glad we did it.
October 9th, 2007 at 11:59 am
That’s a great family tradition to start.
Our family gives all year long. We donate to the United Way (through work), we continually drop food off at one of the local woman’s shelters, we donate school supplies at the beginning of every school year, our used winter clothing goes to children who need them and we buy warm blankets for the homeless in the winter. It’s important to note that for those of us who do celebrate the religous component of Christmas in addition to modest gift-giving (as is the case with my married Greek Orthodox family and Catholic Ojibway mother) you can still give at any time of the year.
October 9th, 2007 at 12:00 pm
That’s a wicked idea…
I’m glad there are people in the world who still thinkof those less fortunate than themselves, and are willing to sacrifice in order to brighten someone else’s season. Good on ya:)
October 9th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
[quote comment="28824"]hah. I immediately thought when I read this…
“Around here, our ambition throws a non-perishable item in a donation bin at Christmas, and then pats itself on the fucking back because it thinks it’s done something decent.”
I’ve always wanted to do something along the lines of what Matt is suggesting here.
In my elementary school, we had a program where each class selected a less fortunate family. We would put all donate food, gifts, and other things to make them have a great Christmas. That seemed kind of odd to me, when I was young. I’d rather spend money on N64 games or slurpees at the time. But now, I’m really glad we did it.[/quote]
Our schools do winter coat drives, hat and glove drives, gifts under the tree drive, they also collect food around thanksgiving and Christmas time for family’s in need here in the community.
It is all so nice… and greatly appreciated.
October 9th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Last year through work, my coworkers and I helped 2 families in need through a Lower Mainland company that will have to remain nameless…….. The Company had sent us a package with how everything works in dealing with helping the families in need… 1 thing we read is that all families are HEAVILY screened and also not allowed to contact us personally…….
Both myself and my co-workers went beyond the call of duty for each familiy (not only did we buy brand new items(including artificial trees and decors), we donated alot of stuff from our homes, which isn’t the first thing recommended - brand new items/toys are first and foremost).
After we called them personally to ask their needs, mainly for their children, both the families continuously called us for weeks on end, leading up to delivery, with different things they wanted, one being ‘my sister is coming for a visit at Christmas, can you get her the new Shania cd, etc’.
I was there on assignment and didn’t know the outcome, but the families apparently were not in extreme hardship (ABLE bodied individuals with jobs, and no health issues)…… I know sometimes it’s hard for families and you become desperate and ask for things, and probably don’t want to but have to for sake of your children or yourself, but to ask for a cd for your sister? Sure, ask me for formula or a blanket for your newborn, NO PROBLEM……
Helping families this way has left a horrible taste in my mouth, especially since I was wanting to do this for a long time (I furnished 1/3 of a babies room and have to wonder how appreciated it was)..
I have friends that disagree with me that the words Thank you are so over rated……… I have been annoyed in the past at people that do not say thank you and get told I’m overly sensitive…. The other day I felt so bad I couldn’t give a homeless person a dime, and he still said ‘Thanks anyways, have a wonderful day’ and I have families asking for more and more that already have a roof over their head…
I’ve decided to take the advice I learned on the news recently, and take my items directly to the streets……. I have toys still in boxes that my son never used and baby items I found in clearance sales that I want distributed fairly this holiday season. If anyone has any advice on where I can get my baby items to, please let me know… I want it to go to the right families this time.
What a great way to help, Matt… I wish we did that last year……….. i have blankets upon blankets that need to be given away, if you are excepting them where you help out this year, let me know… and I will help out wherever I can if you need more people.
t
October 9th, 2007 at 12:39 pm
[quote comment="28825"]That’s a great family tradition to start.
Our family gives all year long. We donate to the United Way (through work), we continually drop food off at one of the local woman’s shelters, we donate school supplies at the beginning of every school year, our used winter clothing goes to children who need them and we buy warm blankets for the homeless in the winter. It’s important to note that for those of us who do celebrate the religous component of Christmas in addition to modest gift-giving (as is the case with my married Greek Orthodox family and Catholic Ojibway mother) you can still give at any time of the year.[/quote]
Hello, would you mind emailing me off camera the name of the woman’s shelter? Thank you so much.
t
October 9th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
oh wait, you might not even be in Vancouver… um………..
If anyone has any info on woman’s shelters in the Coquitlam area (or if you know of one in particular somewhere else, that is in extreme need of donations), ones that accept all types of items, in addition to clothing, for woman and children, please please let me know. Thank you.
t
October 9th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
I started giving contributions to charity rather than birthday presents, mother’s and father’s day presents, etc., a few years ago. I picked some of the organizations listed on this site and have e-cards sent to the person stating that a donation has been made in their name. It’s a wonderful sentiment for a mother or father to receive a note telling them a donation has been made to a needy child in their name.
Good ideas, everyone.
October 9th, 2007 at 1:15 pm
This is a great thing to do. It’s been popular with my family (and fairly popular in my home town in general) for several years.
October 9th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
I love the idea.
Unfortunately, I am still not the person primarily responsible for holidays in my family, and whenever I suggest alternative forms of celebration I get in a lot of trouble! My mother, who generally is unable to provide for me or the rest of my family (no details needed here), gets mad at me for ‘denying’ her the one opportunity to provide for me. Sure its materialistic, but she sees the very ability to provide for my material needs to be important to a mother’s job. So, she saves up all year to be able to do that…
How could I say no?
I think when I am older, I will push the issue more. I keep trying, but what do you do when everyone else in your family participates in the ‘traditional’ (commercial) way… and if you don’t want to, you aren’t reciprocating gifts which can be taken the wrong way…
(I struggle with this every year!)
October 9th, 2007 at 1:25 pm
I don’t have a family to Christmas is a painful time of year for me. Society painting a picture of happiness, warmth and gifts for the season leaves someone who has not been blessed with love in her life left feeling empty and broken.
Maybe I will take a page from the Good’s book and do some volunteering.
October 9th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
A very good idea! Another alternative, is the World Vision christmas catalogue. Instead of getting gifts for each other, you give a gift in someone’s name to a family in a third world country, the gifts are things like warm clothing, goats, dairy cows, etc…. It’s really neat.
http://www2.worldvision.ca/gifts/app
October 9th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Good ideas are good ideas (patent pending).
I think we’re getting to the point in society where a lot of people would take to this idea quite well since the realization that Christmas is nothing more than a marketing bonanza has become a widely known fact.
Forgive my ignorance tiff, but does world vision make a profit off of donations?
October 9th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
[quote comment="28840"]I don’t have a family to Christmas is a painful time of year for me. Society painting a picture of happiness, warmth and gifts for the season leaves someone who has not been blessed with love in her life left feeling empty and broken.
Maybe I will take a page from the Good’s book and do some volunteering.[/quote]
Rachel - I do not know where you live.. . but you are welcome to join my family anytime!! We would love to have you!
October 9th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
I have sealed copy of MGB Loser anthems I’d be willing to auction (after I send it to Matt to be autographed), all of the money raised from the auction could go to a family in need.
As for which family, I would leave that upto….?
I’m sure the $$$ raised would put a smile on several faces this X-mas…just a thought.
-S
October 9th, 2007 at 2:08 pm
I think giving all the time to people who need it is a given. Everyone falls on hard times as have i and my family growing up. We have needed the help too so i can appreciate the very thought of someone helping me. Lord knows I have given to help when i can as well. it is just what we should be expected to do for anyone. As far as Christmas goes, do we not get everything we want during the year anyways? So why the hell do we need to be greedy? I have my health, my family, and my firends. I have a roof over my head and thank my lucky stars everyday that i do. So i ask why we haven’t done this all along? Christmas is the time to be with those you love so when did it ever change? Why does it matter what you have and what you get? Be lucky you are still alive and can actually celebrate and be lucky that you have what it takes to help others. I realize that times are definately harder these days to get by, but when you can you are obligated to help i think. As a human being it is in our nature to take care of ourselves first but when you can help someone in need, just do it. That is the best reward to me is to see the smile on that persons face when i reach out. I can never compare a better feeling when it comes from the heart with wanting nothing in return. Great tradtion to start Matt!
October 9th, 2007 at 2:15 pm
[quote comment="28815"]I’ve become disenfranchised with not only Christmas, but all the “holidays” and events like birthdays. I’m not sure what it is, but they just don’t seem to mean as much or have the same appeal as when I was young. Now, everything seems so contrived and it’s not as much of an actual celebration, but just going through the routine of our traditions. It’s almost as if going through all the preparation and work is a burden and to me it should be anything but that.[/quote]
I’m in that boat of yours.
October 9th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
In response to the above question, World Vision is a non-profit organisation, see here for how the donations they receive are apportioned: http://www.worldvision.ca/home/about-us/financial-information/how-world-vision-uses-donations/
My family has been donating gifts in each other’s names through their gift catalog for several years now, having also felt that we have the things we need and want to help others out. The catalog has gifts for needy people both in Canada and abroad, and wherever possible the idems are purchased locally to contribute to local economies. More info is available here: http://www.worldvisionmedia.ca/ogcVideo06/index2.html
October 9th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
[quote comment="28845"]Good ideas are good ideas (patent pending).
I think we’re getting to the point in society where a lot of people would take to this idea quite well since the realization that Christmas is nothing more than a marketing bonanza has become a widely known fact.
Forgive my ignorance tiff, but does world vision make a profit off of donations?[/quote]
I found this link about the profits, seems pretty good to me: http://www.worldvision.ca/home/about-us/financial-information/how-world-vision-uses-donations/
I like world vision because they don’t push their religion like some of the other sponsorship organizations, and they do a great job. I sponsored a child with them for 6 years, and when I’m done college I plan to sponsor another.
October 9th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
I sent Matt’s post to everyone in my family in a group e-mail. It should be interesting to see the kind of response I get. I am hoping everyone is on board because this could mean a lot to some people in need. I told them that there is more to Christmas than giving gifts. The true meaning of Christmas is giving rather than receiving (simply put). Nothing has affected me more than the opportunity I had in grade 13 when my Catholic high school put together Christmas baskets for local families in need. I was one of the drivers and I will never forget the tears of gratitude in the families’ eyes because there would be a Christmas after all.
October 9th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Last year our whole family decided that we were going to donate to a charity instead of gifts. Looks like its a trend that alot of people are starting to consider.
October 9th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
Something else that you might want to consider…
Last year at our office called the local child and family services and picked a family to host Christmas for. The family that we picked had something like 8 children since some of the kids were adopted because their parents had passed away or something. They barely had any money so we took care of all the food, gifts and also donated some money.
Making a needy family feel special like this is better than any gift you can receive for Christmas.
October 9th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
charity is all fine and dandy
but i want the new radiohead album too much
and i can’t afford it
so, santa, i’m all yours.
October 9th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
When I saw the people on the news serving Thanksgiving meals to those at the Union Gospel Mission (and that restaurant that opens its door to the homeless for a plate of turkey and some good conversation) I decided that I wanted to be a part of that. I’d already been on this train of thought and was considering approaching the Church a couple of doors down from my place to see if we could get something going.
Safeway also has shoe boxes that you pick up before Christmas and fill with new items for needy children in other countries. They don’t want toys so much - mostly toiletries and things like socks, pencils, etc. We always sneak in some stickers and a ball or two.
And the best feeling I’ve ever had is dropping off coats and sweaters at the Union Gospel (I collect them every year with my Mother in law and her best friend - we always take down a trunkload full). The fellow who comes to retrieve them usually does so with a tear in his eye, as he knows how much they’ll mean to those who would otherwise be cold on the streets.
Little gestures, but I guess they all add up.
Good for your family, for ditching the commercialism and opting for something of meaning and real value. I’m 100% for the idea.
(why is it I hear John Lennon singing?)
October 9th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
celebrate fesitvus..i personally enjoy the feats of strength
October 9th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Fantastic idea. Last year I decided to buy everyone a goat for Christmas through Foster Parent Plan and also a birth certificate and a book. Some appreciated it others had no idea what it was all about. This year I think I will donate to Amnesty on behalf of everyone. Or spread it around, maybe another goat for all. So little means so much.
October 9th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
My family and I have been doing this for a few years now. If I was to buy 75 dollars worth of stuff for my dad say, I would instead buy 75 dollars worth of stuff from the oxfam unwrapped campaign in his name….here is the link for those who are interested….
http://www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/Browse.aspx?catalog=Unwrapped&category=UWGifts
Definitely worth checking out. Just my 2 bits….
Laters
October 9th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Im with Tania on this one. A while back my company adopted a family, which I think is wonderful, but this family had stuff on their wish list like playstation games, cd’s and brand name clothing. Im not sure how needy a family with a playstation really is. Unfortunatly, this has also left a bad taste in my mouth, but nonetheless I’m going to help out directly as much as I can with volunteer work.
October 9th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Too funny, lst year I was absoloutely fed up with christmas so myself being the oft angry person told my in-laws and my beautiful better half….literally told them this year no christmas for me like in the past and they weren’t to expect anything from me because I was doing the exact same thing you wrote about. turns out they loved the idea and guess what were doing.
I’m not thinking this so much as a charitable act but more of an opportunity to help a family, particualrly children realize that good things aren’t so far out of reach. Besides, I remember the results of an abusive, alcoholic father (well at least in the physical sense towards my mother and I recall her taking a stand and telling get out and her going on welfare…well long story short a great man entered my life gave me greatness and I’ve been able to overcome any challenge life has presented and achieve my goals so perhaps I can return the favour to the world.
October 9th, 2007 at 5:33 pm
[quote comment="28840"]I don’t have a family to Christmas is a painful time of year for me. Society painting a picture of happiness, warmth and gifts for the season leaves someone who has not been blessed with love in her life left feeling empty and broken.
Maybe I will take a page from the Good’s book and do some volunteering.[/quote]
I know where your coming from, I’m right there with ya. I haven’t celebrated Christmas since age 8, so I understand. Thing is though, I learned a long time ago that no matter how bad it is, there is always someone who has it worse, you just do the best you can with what you have. I was in a high school military program, and a few of my friends and I have continued the tradition since being out of school of going to the military/VA hospitals on the major holidays (Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc.) and we just spend the day hanging out. You would be suprised what just being there can do for some people. So cheer up!!! No one can love you more than yourself :)
October 9th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
Has no one really mentioned Festivus?
A Festivus for the rest of us…
October 9th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
Matt, this is a beautiful post.
Even though I am Jewish and don’t celebrate Christmas, I have spent many past years celebrating with past significant others or families of close friends. It’s a beautiful time of year, however holidays in general have become too commercialized and the true spirit of any season becomes the spirit of giving…and that is giving to the wrong people for all the wrong reasons. It becomes more of a competition and a greed fest. In my family holiday gatherings have become more of a togetherness thing, meaning that when we gather around the table for a family dinner, “family” is just a term…it extends to anyone and everyone we are close to and anyone that has nowhere to go is more than welcome at our dinner table, regardless of religious background or affiliation.
It just unfortunate that the entirety of the world can’t see things that way.
October 9th, 2007 at 6:24 pm
the airing of grievances.
October 9th, 2007 at 6:58 pm
haha…
now shut up and fight your father!
Seriously though, I agree… I’m done with the consumer gift frenzy BS.
October 9th, 2007 at 7:04 pm
Beautiful sentiments.
Wonderful that your family can agree on such a great plan. There are too many in our extended family with different ideas, my past suggestions towards curbing our Christmas indulgence have been met with more resentment than support in past years, sadly. I give charitable donations on behalf of those that appreciate it, but many still expect the commercial gift exchange. I especially like the idea of volunteering as a family.
With all the complaints I hear around Christmas about expense and hassle and excess, do you think there will finally be a backlash against commercialism? I’m so pitifully optimistic …
October 9th, 2007 at 7:23 pm
I’m totally decided on making Oxfam donations for my entire family. My sister’s gift will be a goat for a family, my mother’s gift will be a chicken, and so on. Everyone gets to give a different animal!
October 9th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
that’s really cool matt. we decided to do a similar thing last year to help teach our sons about charity. (they’re only 2-1/5 and 5). we also wanted them to understand the act of giving. we had all our family donate through oxfam instead of buying presents, then the kids could see that a goat, donkey, etc. were donated to needy families on our behalf. we also adopted a foster child from africa last year so that our 5 year old can send correspondence back and forth. that has been a great experience as well. now we’re taking it a step further for our sons b-day this week and his little friends are bringing a donation that we’ll give the local humane society to buy dog beds, etc. in memory of our dog that passed away this year.
that’s great that you shared this idea and i hope others follow. we in the west have just too much and don’t even realize it many times. (well, not all of us) i don’t think we’re necessarily greedy, just caught up in the amount of choice. my son said the other day that he hopes we get lots of money. when i ask why, he said there was lots of cool stuff he’d like. so to bring it down to his level i asked if he could trade all his money, toys, everything and get Bob (our dog) back would he do it. he said can we mom! that’s when i really realized that teaching charity at a young age is so important.
so thanks again for the reminder!
October 9th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
My loved ones could not provide a better gift than simply being part of my life. Though I only know you through words on my screen, the same goes for all of you.
October 9th, 2007 at 7:56 pm
Come on Matt, Everyone knows how to “Pay it Forward”
Question is, are they too selfish to go out of their way to help a complete stranger?
Something to think about….
~Jessica
October 9th, 2007 at 8:08 pm
Matt, I must point out that missionaries notwithstanding, there are millions of Christians who strive (and sometimes struggle) to solve the world’s problems in whatever context they are able. I can understand why you may have issue with certain Christian beliefs, and certainly there are those whose who seem to put more importance on the afterlife than our worldly life. However your ‘giant waiting room’ comment only perpetuates the general public misunderstanding of Christianity.
October 9th, 2007 at 8:24 pm
Every year, we “adopt a family”. I have it in brackets, because the project is actually only for teenagers (seriously, there are a ton of childrens charities but not a lot for people over the age of 13) but the organization puts you in touch with the family and we wind up getting everyone gifts.
One amazing year my place of employment (at the time) decided to help and, in combination with some of our regular customers, managed to do amazing things with the charity because of the sheer dollar amount we had raised. I’m telling you right now…..it was the most fantastic Christmas I ever had. Ever. And will likely ever have again.
This year my husband and I are in a place where everyone around us has really young children. We’ve decided to take the names of the children and go through World Vision and make a gift donation in each childs name, things that are suited to their personality. Our 3 year old footie fanatic nephew, instead of getting a bunch of toys and clothes he’ll outgrow in the coming year, will instead donate a bunch of soccer balls to a youth shelter in a developing country. One of my nieces will send 3 girls in China to school for a year. Way more personal, and when they get older….who is going to remember getting the toyduyear?
If anyone else is interested, World Vision has a great gift donation page. Yeah yeah, they are a religious group, but I’m a foster parent with them…and I’m an atheist. Please don’t let ideological differences stop you from doing something wonderful.
October 9th, 2007 at 9:20 pm
[quote comment="28877"]Im with Tania on this one. A while back my company adopted a family, which I think is wonderful, but this family had stuff on their wish list like playstation games, cd’s and brand name clothing. Im not sure how needy a family with a playstation really is. Unfortunatly, this has also left a bad taste in my mouth, but nonetheless I’m going to help out directly as much as I can with volunteer work.[/quote]
I am starting to wonder what these companies are meaning when they say the people are “heavily” screened… I can’t believe this happened to you, too…. amazingly enough, one of the many phone calls we received was ‘it’s my birthday on the 22nd, would it be possible to get a birthday cake’? CAKE!!!!!!! Am I being cold hearted even thinking these bad things about this family? ours also had very lavish items on their list.
October 9th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
The holiday season gets me very anxious.
My family is much smaller…..it just isn’t the same anymore.
People get caught up in what to buy, how much to spend…and it just doesn’t matter.
Spend time with the ones you love……time is precious.
Love from Buffalo,
M.
October 9th, 2007 at 11:34 pm
Only Oct 9 Matt, why talk about christmas already? I Agree with your post though.
Abandoned chistianity years ago, so I’ve been part of the Christmas is bullshit crowd for some time. It just gets more annoying each year. Even the charitible stuff. In Calgary it’s just overpaid yuppies throwing a little money towards the poor while pissing on them the rest of the year.
I’m pro Saturnalia though, it has a lot more fucking.
October 10th, 2007 at 3:03 am
[quote comment="28815"]I’ve become disenfranchised with not only Christmas, but all the “holidays” and events like birthdays. I’m not sure what it is, but they just don’t seem to mean as much or have the same appeal as when I was young. Now, everything seems so contrived and it’s not as much of an actual celebration, but just going through the routine of our traditions. It’s almost as if going through all the preparation and work is a burden and to me it should be anything but that.[/quote]
I feel exactly the same way. And it gets worse every year.
October 10th, 2007 at 4:31 am
sounds like a plan! but you should keep the christmas magic alive at least for the kids… include them in your activities, but they have to see santa! :) :P
October 10th, 2007 at 4:38 am
I also like Danny Kaye and sitting at the coffee shop and watching the frenzy of a psychosis hurry by.
That’s a lie…it’s a bar not a coffee shop….
most likely the ghetto bar at Union Station…
October 10th, 2007 at 5:11 am
[quote comment="28901"]Only Oct 9 Matt, why talk about christmas already? I Agree with your post though.
Abandoned chistianity years ago, so I’ve been part of the Christmas is bullshit crowd for some time. It just gets more annoying each year. Even the charitible stuff. In Calgary it’s just overpaid yuppies throwing a little money towards the poor while pissing on them the rest of the year.
I’m pro Saturnalia though, it has a lot more fucking.[/quote]
Christmas items are on the shelf.. why not talk about it???
October 10th, 2007 at 5:27 am
Since having a child 4 years ago, I’ve come to realize Christmas is for kids and that whatever meaning outside of commercialism that is left is fleeting. To that end, we get my son to pick out a toy to donate to a local child who is less fortunate.
October 10th, 2007 at 5:53 am
[quote comment="28901"]Only Oct 9 Matt, why talk about christmas already?[/quote]
Costco in Sudbury already has Christmas trees for sale, and big snowmen too. We haven’t even had Halloween and we’re already being bombarded with Christmas stuff. No wonder our children can’t figure out their months. Dollarama has Christmas stuff too.
I bet by November, we’ll see Easter stuff for sale.
By the way, I celebrate Halloween a lot more than I celebrate Christmas. It’s more fun and less commercial.
October 10th, 2007 at 6:54 am
I dont have time to read all the comments, appology for repetition it it is.
My mom and sister gave through Amnesty all our gifts, they were rabbits, chickens, textbooks etc to children in Africa. Of course we didnt tell the youngest the fate of the rabbits, she thinks its nice that they have a cute pet.
The sentiment of christmas should be with us everyday, who needs a fabricated day to be kind and generous. I guess some people need motivation to feel that way .
October 10th, 2007 at 8:00 am
[quote comment="28905"]sounds like a plan! but you should keep the christmas magic alive at least for the kids… include them in your activities, but they have to see santa! :) :P[/quote]
I always had a problem with the “Santa” thing. We stress to our kids on a daily basis that they should be wary of strangers, especially those who try and entice them with candies or gifts. Then we go plunk them in the lap of some old guy they don’t know who hands out candy canes. It’s just not consistent with what we want them to do all year long - which is avoid that kind of situation.
My kids were “freaked out” by the whole “stranger” coming into our home story, whether it was to place gifts under a tree or not. They actually stayed awake thinking about it and asked things like “how does he get in?”. I just couldn’t see continuing with a lie that had them questioning their security in their own home. They were uneasy with the notion that someone could get in while we were sleeping.
I know, kill joy…but I’ve always been very up front and honest with my kids - from an early age. And I couldn’t see stringing out the lie and sending mixed messages just for the sake of “Christmas”.
October 10th, 2007 at 8:44 am
On a daily basis we should examine
what is occurring around us
and our Role in it….
…our Needs and the Needs of other People….
There’s a simple Question we should ask ourselves ….
” Are we placing our - Wants - before the - Needs - of others…? “
October 10th, 2007 at 8:49 am
I saw the show for Hospital Music in Montreal last night, and I was just thinking to myself how it was different than your show last year. After reading the entry regarding your illness, I now understand.
I have always been a huge fan, I think you have a beautiful voice. I also have always had a heart of gold for those suffering from mental illness because my childhood best friend suffered so greatly and i spent nights by his side in the hospital. (some call it co-dependence, but i’ve since learned to balance it so it’s just a positive trait deeply embedded in my soul).
I have always found you brilliant, clever and engaging. I have always laughed out loud at your shows, I never for a second thought you carried the weight of mental illness on your shoulders.
I wish you all the best in the world. I know that when i had addictions or felt i was going a bit ”crazy” inside, I turned to a raw food diet (consisting of fruits veggies and raw almonds for protein) and a lot of exercise, and it helped me so so much.
You’ve contributed so significantly to the world that no matter how you suffer, you will always be regarded as an exceptional human being. So real.
Thank you.
October 10th, 2007 at 9:00 am
we’re not doing gifts either. as kids we used to draw names, but now we’ve realized we don’t “need” anything. so, instead of having the family celebrating christmas spread across two diff countries, we’re all flying to meet up in one central location and just catch up for a week- that’s christmas.
October 10th, 2007 at 11:05 am
I read this last night and didn’t have the opporunity to give my say. But that’s OK, gave me time to think about what I was going to say.
For me, I could care less about what I get for Christmas from my family. However, when it comes to GIVING gifts to my family, that’s a different story. Even though I do buy some things (especially if I thought of something too perfect for an individual), but more often or not, I always end up creating a piece of art or giving something extremely custom. I’ve done paintings, needle-points, drawings. Last year I bought a stack of blank CDs, and just went through my CD collection and burned my sister copies of everything she keeps saying she wanted. My dad has presented the idea of stopping the gift giving thing and spending the money on a vacation instead, but I’ve told him I get too much joy out of taking the time and creating what I feel is the perfect gift for someone.
This year is no different. My dad’s present is going to have something to do with the 40-odd pictures I took going around Old Trafford and the Man United museum (and the pic of myself and Bobby Charlton…). I’m aiming to do my mom a painting, but that will depend on a pending experiment. The only present I’m going to buy is my sister’s, but that’s only because I’m now a pro at Internet shopping, which means there’s no excuse I can’t get her Kevin Smith’s autobiography. (Something I don’t think she knows exists right now.) Everything I give is out of love, not out of need, which was my key in removing the commericalism of Christmas.
You know, the more I think about it, it might be a good idea to leave the World Vision cataolgue out on the table this year, just incase my family is looking for something for me.
October 10th, 2007 at 11:22 am
self validation….?
October 10th, 2007 at 11:25 am
Good idea… now I just have to convince my 16 year old daughter that she should donate her Christmas presents to a teenager who doesn’t have as much as her. That should go over well. I don’t know why…. but it really doesn’t make a difference what your views are, how compassionate you are towards others, and how much you try to instill those values into your own children… some people are just more superficial than others… and will always be that way.
I like your idea Matt… I am not a fan of the commercialization of Christmas either. I think I am going to not spend as much this year as normal… and the money I saved will be donated in a similar way to yours.
Peace!
October 10th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
I’d like to meet those who view the world as a giant waiting room for an afterlife; especially Christians who celebrate Christmas.
It’s good to know that Matt has all religious groups figured out.
October 10th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
here’s an idea… how about revisiting the ancient roots of all of these x-mas archetypes? the pine tree, the shiny gifts under the tree, the stockings over the fire, and flying reindeer
ie. siberian shamanism: look 4 the white-dotted amanita growing under the pine tree (now there’s a gift!), hang to dry over the fire (must decarboxylate 2 work), and give to the reindeer (too hard on our stomachs, so drink their urine), and yeah, watch em fly, allright…
apparently this is how it was done, kiddies… just a thought…
October 10th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
I only believe in helping those who help themselves (not stealing from others) or are helpless. There is no excuse for homelessness in a country that has a social safety net. I have seen a man hold a baby over his head and yell- Yah I get another raise. Our welfare system encourages those who use it to have more children that they don’t look after any better than the ones the have. Your help dollars often go to the parents addictions, whether it be drugs, alcohol, tobacco or gambling. Large numbers of children from these families just struggle through life until they take over their position of parent and continue the cycle. Funny how working people don”t get raise for having children, they just find a way to care for them. People that frequent free meals are often the same people year after year, who have no intention of changing their life. I’m talking about healthy, capable people who walk by help wanted signs on every corner to pick up their welfare and dare it not be late-that money that is owed to them (for what I don’t know). People with addictions do not care for their children no matter how much they are given. All that matters to an addict is themselves. I have seen adults sell food cards they were given for their children for half the price behind some building to pacify one of their own needs. I have seen welfare cheques several times that of what a minimum wage worker would ever see. The people I help at Christmas would be the man working hard each day to care for his family but never really getting ahead or the mother and her children at a woman’s shelter trying to escape an abusive relationship. The person ahead of me at the grocery choosing each item very carefully as to not go over what little they can afford. The sick children in the hospitals in pain and just hoping for some light in their life. Those I do not help are those who’ve chosen to ruin their lives an the lives of their families in a never ending quest to fuel their own addictions.Christmas does lose it’s appeal as you age but that is the time you should see it through the child’s eyes or the seniors eyes. Love, lights, churches, choirs can warm the heart of almost anyone , religious or not. Chritmas to me is just a spirit, not a specific meaning . Anything that can bring family or people together should always be celebrated and their is usually someone very close by that could use some help. One in every 150 children in North America is autistic now and the numbers are growing. I think it is time to start asking why, it’s not only children in parts of the world that are in need.
October 10th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
blah blah blah, is there anything matt can’t find negativety in??
October 10th, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Wow, filbertfancy……… I have read your post over and over a few times….. amazing amazing……first place, I always want to donate to is a woman’s shelter, myself…
I do feel I must discuss something here…. I know it’s your opinion but I feel it’s important to talk about this homelessness topic……. Alot of people ended up on the streets this year as a result of the closing of a very important section of Riverview hospital….
One of the main reasons people end up on the streets is because of mental illness….. not always drug problems….. but the depression that comes from living on the streets could result is someone prostituting themselves to make enough money for survival, and then eventually the shame that comes along with it and being around drugs can change ones life on the street to become a drug user… I’m not saying this is all cases, but most people end up on the street who are mentally ill and could not get proper care and medicine…
I do feel very sorry for the homeless because there is so much mental illness out there and then they close the wing at Riverview and it changed alot of lives in the process…. People who are sick do not know how to function in society and need help and medication… They need our support……
Even though there are alot of mixed feelings on this issue, one thing to remember is that it’s cold out there and no really wants to be out there, sometimes they just don’t know how to get out…
October 10th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Yes Christmas is all about spending more then you have. Over consumption of goods and services. You know a credit card is a product (interest). Creditors love missed payments etc. Credit cards are people with insecurity. What if factor, or Maybe this could happen. I have 2 and I avoid using them. I have never missed a payment because I understand how a credit card works. I worked for a collection agency before I started my carrier in insurance. Looking back I should have been a musician. Then I could give my family songs for presents. I was at my in laws last week and everyone was in the living room playing music and singing, “gay” as it was it was fun. My brother in law was playing his 7 string and he sounded excellent. I went to a free concert on thanks giving and didn’t even realize it. Music is an amazing present, its all I’m looking for this year to give and receive maybe a Black Helicopter Part 2 (BH 2). Christmas has sold out :(, good god I need to shave.
October 10th, 2007 at 10:10 pm
LMFAO
October 10th, 2007 at 11:33 pm
Q = I have not celebrated Christmas for 15 years yet I am a Christian, who am I ?
Christmas is inaccuract and flawed in the deepest sense .
October 10th, 2007 at 11:34 pm
Filbert….”all that matters to an addict is himself”. And you would know this HOW? Have you been an addict? Been all addicts? Addicts are people too you know - often caring, creative, loving people who’ve strayed off course and fallen victim to an awful trap. They are each and every one of them unique individuals with their own stories. My brother was an addict who nearly lost the fight…I’m happy to say that, with a lot of support, he’s got a year and a half clean (NA). And let me tell you this - many addicts care very little about themselves when they’re hitting their bottoms and it’s not about “them” at all. Usually they feel like a burden and want to just end it all. Addicts often have extremely low self esteem and feel worthless (geez, when they’re judged this way, I wonder why). I’m quite sure people like you help seal that deal and contribute to their feelings of low self worth. An attitude adjustment is in order here - you need to understand that putting down people with addictions helps noone. Have some compassion and imagine that it could be any one of your family members in this vicious cycle. Believe me, it happens to people from all walks of life and addicts aren’t just “losers”, as you’ve suggested.
I’m glad that you’ve got it all figured out….is that from your luxury condo? There are a lot of very decent, caring homeless people on the streets, just as there are some real jerks in the workforce making a pretty penny. Please don’t categorize people and assume that you know anything about them based only on their living conditions. Every person out there has their story and, yes, some do abuse the system and freeload. Most, however, don’t want to be in the position they’re in and usually feel so badly about themselves that they’ve basically given up.
Don’t assume that working people deserve more happiness in this life than others who’ve maybe hit a few pitfalls. Some never face adversity while others live with it everyday. Your intolerance for those less fortunate and who are struggling in life helps noone and leaves me a little cold. When people need a lift up it’s not an easy thing for them…everyone deserves some level of dignity and you’ve displayed a pretty bad attitude and a total lack of empathy. I hope you never fall on hard times because it’ll be a rude awakening for you.
You need to come off your high horse and learn that people are people and to categorize, judge and stereotype them as you’ve done is wrong. Sure, there are drug addicts who care about nothing more than their next fix. And there are definitely people who milk the welfare system because they simply don’t want to work. But there are also some pretty successful people living a good life who are lying, cheating heartless assholes who’d sell their mother for a buck and don’t give a rat’s ass about anything but themselves (and money). What makes them any better? Holding a job, having a home or a bank account doesn’t necessarily make people “better”, it just makes them “luckier”.
If you think that the degradation and humiliation of lining up to collect a measly cheque that barely covers living expenses is a “picnic” or something that some “enjoy”, I fear you really have no clue at all. People may laugh to mask their embarrassment or pretend that they’re happy (a coping mechanism) but, believe me, it’s not fun or a laughing matter to live in poverty.
I’m sorry this is so long…this one struck a nerve with me.
October 11th, 2007 at 6:20 am
Very nice Deb. Thank you.
October 11th, 2007 at 9:32 am
when my brother got married instead of asking for wedding gifts he asked that everyone donate money to the charity of their choice. it’s a cool idea. but…..i still want gifts for christmas :)
“And let me tell you this - many addicts care very little about themselves when they’re hitting their bottoms and itâs not about ‘them’ at all.”
Deb I’m sorry I don’t mean to make light but….I don’t think you meant to say “hitting their bottoms”. lol
October 11th, 2007 at 10:20 am
its only October folks! we shouldn’t have to think about this holiday until at least another 2 months!
that being said, i would have to say i agree with Matt, and i think that what your doing is a really good idea. I hope that other famillies will consider doing somthing like that as well.
October 11th, 2007 at 10:24 am
Deb, I love reading what you have to say….. never think what you write is too long…. It’s always great to see what you have to say.
I think I must clarify something, It was the last part of Filberts post that I liked, and commented ‘amazing’ on…. The first part definately struck a cord with me, too……
But I guess that is what this thread is about…… discussion………..
I think it’s important to talk about it..
It’s getting very cold out.
October 11th, 2007 at 10:32 am
When my family started falling apart at the age of 15 I began to wonder what the Christmas holiday really was for. Over the years as our table of guests at Grandma’s became smaller and smaller I would wonder why I kept travelling all those kilometers to have my hopes of a true family Christmas crushed.
Then when i was 27 I started working in a treatment centre for youth and my negative thoughts of Christmas changed. Finally I had found the warmth and caring of the holiday season that I had missed. All 16 of us (8 kids, 8 staff) join together under the Tree and listen to music, take pictures and talk about all the good times from the year. Then we feast. After that we do a Kris Kringle exchange where you have to guess who got you the gift and the limit is only $5. The kids usually make thier gifts as they have nothing more than thier skills to offer. Then we tobaggan or skate.
We also spend each of the kids birthdays as a group with a hearty meal and everone offers the guest of honour a heart felt message for their birthday.
These kids have NOTHING. I am more than happy to spend the holiday season with them making them feel the way I did when I was young. Giving them one day that isn’t over shadowed by family issues, lonliness or self doubt, having them smile, laugh, sing and feel cared for is the best gift I could give or get.
Maybe one day they will be able to do it for someone else.
October 11th, 2007 at 10:44 am
I have spent several Christmas eves dining with the homeless at a homeless shelter (no, I was not a “client”), and a few Christmas times helping distribute food to the needy. I tell you the look on their faces when they receive the big bag of food, including a huge turkey, is amazing and reminds you that some people are a lot worse off than you are, and a couple of hours spent helping out is not much to ask from you, but means a lot to those receiving the help. I must admit, though, that it was not necessarily a grand gesture on my part, since my father-in-law runs a large Mission and homeless shelter, and it was quite easy to get involved. And the Christmas eve dinner was a family tradition with all 10 of us (including spouses) showing up when everyone is in town. Either way, the experience is eye opening for those that have not done it before.
Yes, a small percentage of people may not be very deserving of help and may be taking advantage of the system in some way. However, this does not mean we should ignore the vast majority who truly are in need, especially when there’s not necessarily anything they can do to improve their situation in the very short-term.
When you spend some time in a mission, you quickly realise that the myth of the lazy homeless person who should just get up and help themselves is just that - a myth. As Deb said, everyone has a heartbreaking story, and no one has woken up one day in their nice condo and said, “You know what, from now on I’m going to be homeless, it’ll be cool!”, or “I think it will be fun to go down to the mission today and get my free bag of food”. There is always shame with homelessness or accepting hand-outs, except perhaps sometimes in the rare hardcore few who have been at it so long, it has become all they know.
Deb has described perfectly the main reason for most homelessness: mental illness, so I won’t belabour it. Just a quick story to illustrate the point.
A regular mission-goer (I hate the term “client” that is used these days) died one year around Christmas time. Christmas is always a terrible time for the down-and-out, since even with all the commercial aspects of Christmas, it is still a very big family time and no one feels this more than those who have no one. This person was known to be a very nice guy, well behaved and generous with his time helping out around the mission (yes, even the homeless help out) - well liked by everyone. It was not known who he was or what his history was. After his death, a search for surviving family turned up a sister in the “other” big city, and his story was told: he was a normal well-off Canadian, like any other, living the usual life and doing very well for himself. Then one day he lost his whole family (wife and kids) in a car accident. From that day on he was never the same and slowly his old life began to disappear until he was on the street, all contact lost with his family. This is only one of thousands of individual stories you’ll find in any mission in the country, some more heartbreaking than others, but all stories of the human condition.
I suggest anyone who thinks that those less fortunate are not deserving of help unless they help themselves spend some time in a mission, if for no other reason than to see what will happen to them if the thin, fragile veil of North American middle class living is torn away by an illness or an accident, or other unexpected event. Most working Canadians are one or two pay cheques away from desperation.
__
Having said all the above, I still like the idea of presents for loved ones and taking the time and thought to get someone something just for them. There’s nothing wrong with getting someone the CD they really wanted, but sometimes the right kind of gift can really show thoughtfulness. Presents don’t have to cost money, as michamaki brought up. It can be music, or some other hand made art, or even better - “time”. Spending quality time with loved ones can be a gift - one that is not given nearly enough in our hectic world.
October 11th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
my sister suggested our family do this last year - i think it’s a great idea
October 11th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Funny how after forwarding this to 3 family members, no one has gotten back to me about NOT buying each other presents and doing something of substance this Christmas instead…..
Thank you to those who mentioned mental illness as a large reason for homelessness. It’s a problem that many people do not understand or respect. It breaks my heart to think that there are those who think that all the people living on the streets have to do is “pick themselves up and get help/get a job.” Clearly, you have no idea how difficult getting help is, especially when they feel that they don’t need it. Mental illness (and addiction) is a disease that is as serious as cancer, diabetes and MS, to name a few. There are no easy cures, medication is expensive and finding a good psychiatrist can be impossible. So it’s not as cut and dry as some of you might think.
October 11th, 2007 at 7:05 pm
I have spent a lot of time in and around what you would describe as your less desirable areas. I have seen drug addiction in my familly and was raised by family with other addictions. I surely don’t sit on a high horse but I have given and given and given up. Mental illness in most cases is a result of an addiction, not a cause. Research character studies of those who abuse, most are addicts of some type.You even have musicians (many) and athletes,and many high paid individuals,who have nothing better to do with their money and choose to use drugs and then whine about how hard life is on the road, away from family,and feeling alone with thousands of people around them. There are hard working people who spend time away from their familes every day just trying to feed their families. Psychiatrists or medicine do not change a persons life, they only change the perception these people have of their lives. Addicts look for an excuse of self pity to reinforce their use of whatever they are addicted to. It is shameful that children have to be born in a world over run by addiction. As far as hard luck and not being able to eat, tell this story to anyone who built Canada with no assitance along the way. These are our seniors, trying to pay their way still. You didn’t work-you didn’t eat. I’m sure all of us here have a good chance of hard times coming our way one day, especially the way the economy is seperating the rich form the poor. Even Canada is loosing their middle class. I am just sick to death of people making the choice to throw their lives away and never taking resposibility. The next time someone on the street asks you for money to eat -ask them if you can take them for something to eat or to a grocery store. Most will walk the other way just looking for some cash. If you really want to help, find some awy to fix our social assistance system and give to the food bank-a place people who genuinely need food can go all year round, not just for a holiday meal.
October 11th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
Addicts may look for an excuse in everything, including blaming someone else for their problems, but it started somewhere… The addiction ….. and it probably started from a very dark place.. who has 140 bucks for a phychiatrist?.. I work for a public company and our counselling was recently taken away, now we have to pay…… I can’t afford 140 bucks… if I had extreme depression but could not take drugs, due to allergy or whatever, and can’t afford money for a counsellor, what next?
October 12th, 2007 at 12:46 am
Very cool idea Matt… my family has a few x-mases now done gifts of charity donations on the receiver’s behalf. I really like it, cuts down on materialism and consumerism and shopping :)
P.S. This is my first post as I’ve just finally joined the site.
I missed your show in Vancouver but I am driving from Vancouver to Banff to see you there :)
October 12th, 2007 at 9:46 am
This IS a great idea!!! I am the directress of a small montessori school, and I shall be borrowing some of this idea to teach my children that Christmas is about giving, not getting. We will be making a care package for a family in Tanzania that one of my teachers sponsors. I want to thank you for inspiring me. My hope is that by having my children do this, they will start to understand that Christmas isn’t about presents, but love for one another, and taking care of the people around you.
October 13th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
That’s awesome. The only gifts I buy are for my son. His birthday is Xmas eve so we have a celebration for him both days. Otherwise we just use it as a time to get together. I’m gonna bring up the donation part to my family this year. I’ve done it in the past and I think it would be great to do it as a family.
October 15th, 2007 at 11:31 pm
hey matt…christmas is for shopping and shopping god is everything……lol..i hope u remember this line…so true…what happened to the meanning of chritmas anyways?
October 17th, 2007 at 4:39 pm
My family and I decided to just do stocking stuffers and sponsor kids through a local charity, it is so much fun to buy for them and to picture what their faces look like on Christmas Day, I dont have kids of my own (yet) but each year I get a new batch of my angel kids and it is the best feeling in the world! We never know who the children are and they never know us but we are always connected
October 21st, 2007 at 10:48 am
I always wanted to do something like that with my family, but they would never budge. My family is stuck in their ways, the money, the hype, all that is known to most people as Christmas. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if they took a minute to think of Christmas in a different light than they already know it.
October 8th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
This reminds me of a song…sleeping sickness by city n colour and : beautifull midnight