This Machinery
I’ve been asked in countless interviews if it catches up with me every night, singing these songs, having to relive their meaning. I commonly answer that they don’t impact me in a negative way, and that’s true for the most part. Consciously, anyway. Subconsciously I’m not so sure.
I have Daniel Johnston’s Funeral Home stuck in my head. I woke up this morning, as I often do, having had a night terror. All of them are about the same thing, though the setting in each is usually different. Obviously they have to do with my personal life – the past, basically – and every time I have one I am haunted by it for hours after I awake, if not the whole day. I tell myself that when I get some free time I have to talk to someone, to clear my head so that they might stop, but free time’s been hard to find.
After Ray’s death, Rod told me that divorce and death are considered very similar with regards to overcoming their impact. Prior to Ray’s death he had done a lot of online research and joined a few support groups for people with loved ones suffering from cancer. During that time he told me that divorce is often harder to deal with because in the case of death, those involved at least have closure in the sense that the permanence of death is involved. When it comes to divorce, especially if you weren’t the one that initiated it, and were placed in the position of never being afforded answers, it’s actually much worse because there is no sense of finality. When death occurs we find ourselves struggling to understand why, to make sense of the loss, but are ultimately confronted by the fact that death, in the end, provides closure because of the intrinsic nature of mortality. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of divorce because that sense of closure is entirely elusive. One party goes on with their lives entirely untroubled by the event because it was what they desired. The other is left attempting to make sense of it, to place it in some sort of rational perspective, to come to terms with the fact that they have no recourse with regards to controlling it or how it impacts them. It is something that stays with you, no matter how little you actually think about it in your waking hours, no matter how ultimately positive it seems after gaining some perspective. By it occurring a great deal of things that were hidden from my sight were revealed, things that had I woken up ten years from now to discover would have been far more catastrophic. It is a horrible thing to have to come to terms with, that as a person you completely surrendered yourself only to discover that what was given in return was based on something entirely premeditated, entirely selfish, and, worst of all, entirely devoid of the most important of elements – the unconditional sense of reliance, trust, and love that must exist between two people when they enter into something of that magnitude. In the immense and confusing wake left, no matter how hard one tries to come to terms with it, it is something that leaves a scar within you for the rest of your life.
I believe in love. Not the sort based on conditions but the sort that is steeped in the unexplainable; the near magic that floats between people and strangely binds them together. In my life I have, I fear, been far too anxious to believe in its existence rather than question whether it is being truly reciprocated. That has always been my greatest fault. I find myself now suspicious of it rather than open to its full measure, something I hope to see dissolve as time passes, something that I pray will occur more than anything else.
In my dreams I am routinely forced to confront the cold reality of a person I believed to be someone else. In each, the situation is different, but the theme is always the same. It is, I have learned, a universal theme, one that applies to more than just myself. It is one that applies to the world in general; that despite our belief in decency, decency is something that is actually extremely hard to come by. Perhaps that has always been the way of things; greed, ambition, desire, selfishness – all of them rooted in the personal and from the personal cast into the machinery of the world. Perhaps our wars within simply manifest themselves in our wars without, the translation lost in our inability to decipher the hidden meaning behind the origin itself - us, individually, too terrified to surrender.
One Month, 21 Days, And This Morning
I woke up in Cobalt, Ontario this morning. Most of you have probably never heard of it. I hadn’t until I was asked if I would like to add it to the tour schedule, which I agreed to because I think it’s important to play small towns like this whenever the opportunity arises. The theatre here is small, just under 300 seats, but it’s sold out and just has that feeling about it - that it will be a really fun show. The people here in town are fantastic, excited, and unbelievably hospitable. Dale and I couldn’t get web access, so a local store a few doors down, The Silver Moccasin, allowed us to jump on their network. The chap from the shop even came on the bus and helped us troubleshoot getting access. You just don’t find that sort of hospitable manner in big cities, but in places like this the people are brimming over with it.
Lance was telling me that he was told that a lot of the people coming to tonight’s show don’t actually believe that it’s really me performing, but rather a ‘Matthew Good tribute’ act. It seems they’re surprised that I would bother coming here in the first place, so I can’t wait to take the stage tonight. Dale’s off taking pictures of the town, so we’ll get some of those up later tonight I’d imagine.
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November 3rd, 2007 at 1:09 pm
when I had heard you were playing at that theatre Cobalt, I really wanted to try to get there for it, but it wasn’t meant to be as it were, since it’s so far up north. I grew up in Northern Ontario and I always made trips up that way to get to the Little Highway Bookshop. It’s a great heaving wooden building filled to the rafters with really incredible books. The owners are super, as well.
As for the divorce. Someone once told me that it would take years to get over that kind of pain. The leaving and left are two different categories, the former never really wanting to get into the purpose of having left.
Even now, 5 years later, I can’t imagine the complete surrender to someone. Maybe I can’t imagine that someone I would even be willing to surrender to. I believe in love, too, but I think that maybe it’s not for everyone.
And maybe that’s ok.
I hate leaving such personal info on your site, but I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you today.
G.
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:10 pm
I admire the fact that you can still manage to believe in love after what you’ve had to go through… I think a lot of people, myself included, would’ve given up on it. You’re a fighter, that’s something to be proud of.
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:18 pm
Love … I’ll believe in it when I see it.
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:18 pm
The mind is a complex beast. The heart is just as complex if not more so. I’m always fascinated in what you have to say on the subject of love and loss as it makes me reflect upon the same in my own life.
I think it’s just lovely the treatment you’re getting in that small town. I hope you have a great time with tonight’s show. I’m sure the audience will too!
Cheers!
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:18 pm
It is hard to find people who aren’t putting all kinds of conditions on love or kindness. They’re so afraid of it only being one-sided. They forget that there’s value in it even if it’s not returned. I always try to be unconditionally loving or kind to people until of course they start taking advantage of it. I find it to be quite rewarding. Not keeping scores but just..loving. And believing in people, knowing that there is goodness in all of us, it just sometimes takes a lot of work to bring it out in some people.
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:29 pm
You should strap a guitar on Dale and let him walk out first, just to throw them off.
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:29 pm
My girlfriend dumped me while I was dealing with my mental illness (something I never would have believed she would do), and then many months later, when I was doing much better, getting back into making music and shooting photography, she tried to get back together with me. Part of me wanted so badly to get back together, but it was wrong, and I ended up telling her this;
If you weren’t willing to stick with me through the bad, you don’t deserve me through the good. I’ll always miss who you were, but never who you’ve become. Goodbye.
I also identify with the statement “Nevermind, you weren’t who I thought you were.”
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:30 pm
I’m sure the people that think you’re a tribute act are going to be very surprised tonight ;)
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:31 pm
i love the comparison of death and divorce, because it’s something i always felt but never articulated, for fear that those who had lost a loved one ( to death ) would be offended.
With death, no one does the choosing (to leave or be left) so in this regard it’s very different.
Nonetheless, I still believe the feelings of loss from death or divorce are very much the same. It’s the time period to let go that is different…
True love to me is the love that is maintained even when you don’t feel the “high” that is produced at the beginning of a relationship, as much anymore. True love represents respect and admiration for someone else and always wanting what is best for them, even when it isn’t new and loving them no longer provides a distraction for you. Loving unselfishly, even when life gets complicated and difficult… I find that is true love.
When you lose someone you truly love, you also lose the security, companionship and familiarity that person brought to your life, even after the high has gone and it hurts just as badly as if the person had died.
The difference I see between the two is that when someone leaves you, and you’ve truly loved them unselfishly, you want whats best for them.. you want their happiness.. no matter how hurtful they’ve been… and so you can take comfort in knowing they are happy.
In death, that is not possible.
Healing either loss takes time, but have no doubt that when you find the person you connect with, that respects you for who you are, and masters a love that isn’t self-serving , you will love passionately and openly again. I know I was able to.
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:38 pm
I also believe in love. I once had that magical connection. The relationship lasted almost 10 years. I was crushed when it ended. I look back at the new relationships I had over the years and realize that I had sabotaged every one of them when I felt about to surrender myself to the other person. That’s just really fucked up! I know that and still I can’t seem to stop myself. Still, I believe in love and that someone is out there will push past the emotional landmines I lay and that I would surrender. Or is that just the fairytale bullshit that I believe in the “happy ever after?” All I know is that I could never settle for a relationship that was mediocre. Sex on the other hand….
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:41 pm
[quote comment="31669"]Love … I’ll believe in it when I see it.[/quote]
Ditto. Unrequited is my middle name. When you are with and love someone with all our heart for all of them and their flaws but “they just don’t love you…” no matter what you do that’s the way it is - It took me a long time to understand I couldn’t make someone love me. But it’s better to know that than not know because next time I hope I’ll recognize something mutual and it’ll be more worth my time…
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:49 pm
“In my life I have, I fear, been far too anxious to believe in its existence rather than question whether it is being truly reciprocated.”
The other end of the spectrum is no picnic either. Pretty lonely actually.
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:58 pm
[quote comment="31674"]My girlfriend dumped me while I was dealing with my mental illness (something I never would have believed she would do), and then many months later, when I was doing much better, getting back into making music and shooting photography, she tried to get back together with me. Part of me wanted so badly to get back together, but it was wrong, and I ended up telling her this;
If you weren’t willing to stick with me through the bad, you don’t deserve me through the good. I’ll always miss who you were, but never who you’ve become. Goodbye.
I also identify with the statement “Nevermind, you weren’t who I thought you were.”[/quote]
When I hear stories like this, I want to just shake the person that did this to them.. Some people are not ‘feeling’ individuals and are only in it for the good times…. when the going gets tough the tough get going… I have friends who can’t handle when I’m having a shitty day. I’m a very dramatic person and go off about stupid things sometimes, some people are just not cut out for the hard times and my friends don’t want to hear about if I had a fight with my husband… that is something I will never understand about cold people, but it definately means something; very sad, within that person.
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:59 pm
Matthew Good wrote:
The Beatles said that in the end,
the love you take is equal to the love you make.
Somehow I have always known that to be true…
and also that really what you get back is usually much more
than what you give away or put out.
This world is only the greatest of illusions-
and the things that truly matter are the intangible powers manifested
by art, truth, beauty and most especially love.
Surely you must know that…
and in sharing those things that you have found to be an inspiration,
most especially through your work, writings and performances-
“the near magic” you speak of is made real.
Don’t stop believing in that-
or love for all things in this life…
as we are all just ephemera-
or “shadows and dust” from the movie Gladiator (!).
And in sharing those things that are beautiful and strong.
That’s the best way i know to find the true love that is waiting for us all-
and I learned that in part from you and your work.
vincent, in buffalo
http://www.louisebrooks.com
November 3rd, 2007 at 2:01 pm
I second Duane’s idea. Or, see if Muggsy can find a gorilla mask on his meanderings.
November 3rd, 2007 at 2:08 pm
“I believe in love. Not the sort based on conditions but the sort that is steeped in the unexplainable; the near magic that floats between people and strangely binds them together. In my life I have, I fear, been far too anxious to believe in its existence rather than question whether it is being truly reciprocated. That has always been my greatest fault. I find myself now suspicious of it rather than open to its full measure, something I hope to see dissolve as time passes, something that I pray will occur more than anything else. ”
You utterly and completely read my mind.
November 3rd, 2007 at 2:17 pm
I was at the Hamiltion concert last night. I just wanted to say I appreciated your message about the death penalty. If we condemn a man for killing, and then go ahead and do the exact same thing to him… is that justice?
I also enjoyed ur rant about coffee. That was heavy stuff, Matt.
Thanks for giving a hell of a performance, as u always do no matter how u may be feeling on any given day.
November 3rd, 2007 at 2:35 pm
Matthew Good…
You are an awesome person.
November 3rd, 2007 at 2:55 pm
[quote comment="31680"]“In my life I have, I fear, been far too anxious to believe in its existence rather than question whether it is being truly reciprocated.”
The other end of the spectrum is no picnic either. Pretty lonely actually.[/quote]
Sean’s just summed up exactly what I wanted to say. While it’s more than understandable given all you’ve been through, please don’t let yourself fall too far into the opposite direction - it’s not much fun.
November 3rd, 2007 at 3:06 pm
MATT,
Are you really thinking of doing a full Band tour like this canoe interview states states??????
“Good’s solo acoustic Canadian tour runs through mid-November, and he is planning on touring the U.S. next February and March. He’s also considering touring Canada again next year for a full-band trek.”
http://jam.canoe.ca/Music/Artists/G/Good_Matthew/2007/10/25/4603486-sun.html
That would be awsome!!!! I was at both acoustic shows in Ottawa and it was the best!!! BUT COULD IT BE !!!!
Man an answer would be awsome!!!!
November 3rd, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Hi Matt,
I was in Hamilton last night….driving in from Buffalo……..couldn’t wait to see and hear you.
I could tell that maybe you were not feeling very well…. not very talkative at first….but soon warmed up.
You were amazing as usual. When I am in your presence, I feel a sense of sadnes…but yet a connection with you……I ride along with you as you sing and when I know you are coming to a close, I am happy for you…..happy that you are doing what you love……..someday you will be at peace with yourself…..we can only wish that for each other.
I agree that divorce is like a death……no one goes in thinking it is going to fail…….but most of the time it does. You open up and are left vulnerable in end..it just makes me sad.
I did feel like I was in a time warp last night….orange everything……but I love your country because you are in it!
Wishing you the best always,
Love from Buffalo,
M.
November 3rd, 2007 at 3:10 pm
This place doesn’t exist. You’re making it up. Next you’ll have us believe there’s an Oakville in Manitoba AND Ontario!
Or that the true name of Miramichi is THE CITY of Miramichi…How can that be if it’s not a city?
Cobalt. Made up.
November 3rd, 2007 at 3:32 pm
They say to give up a lover is like experieincing a personal death because that person takes with them a part of you, that you will never get back.
When I’m on the recieving end of a breakout, I feel like watching the other person is like watching my failure walk around, my ignorance, my stupidity for convincing myself I was in love.
As artists we;’re emotional people- we dont ever feel things half way. We do believe in love and thats the problem, we’re all too eager to accept it and settle for something less then amazing.
I know in my recent experieince I thought I was in love, but now in a new relationship I am realizing just how much I let myself be fooled previously into a fake love because I believed in love so much. Now I don’t have to believe in love- I am love! If that makes any sense, it breathes in me.
I thought of blankets when I read your blogs, that’s why i gave it to you. When you get a chance to read it be sure to really focus on those last few pages where craig is walking through the snow. Us artists are all alike :)
I enjoyed your reflection Matt!
November 3rd, 2007 at 3:35 pm
That’s the thing with relationships you never get that closure and you’re left with all these things you want to say and questions you want to ask and everything is left so open-ended that it eats at you. After a while the feeling isn’t constant but sometimes out of the blue it hits you again and it’s like a constant source of mental torment. You know you should be over it and everyone tells you the same but the how to go about it seems to be some closely guarded secret that nobody is sharing.
I want to say that I believe in love in fact there is a small part of me that still believes that true love does exist and that it’s in fact possible even for me of all people but what is now a small part of me actually used to be the whole me and now I’ve become so cynical. Have you ever been talking about relationships with someone and you hear all the negative things you’re saying and just stop and think “When did this happen? How did I get like this?”
I know we’re supposed to learn from the past but it’s the fear of the past repeating itself that I find preventing me from being open to love for the future. I want to be in love but how do you get over the weariness of thinking that the other is just saying the words without meaning them? People have gotten so good at being fake these days it’s hard to separate them from the genuine.
All those fairy tales and Disney movies we read and watched when we were younger made everything look so easy… the bastards.
I wish I had answers for you Matt but all I have is questions and theories myself. I don’t have answers but I understand and sometimes that’s better than anything else.
I had never heard of Cobalt either and I live in Ontario. I actually had to google it and get a map. Small towns are great, coming from the city and as a self-proclaimed city girl I came to a small town kicking and screaming and now I wouldn’t trade it to go back to Toronto. You can see the stars at night and everybody knows everybody and you can walk around at night without looking over your shoulder and there’s actually open spaces with trees and grass. I was thinking of road tripping it out there but it really is in the middle of nowhere northern Ontario.
November 3rd, 2007 at 3:36 pm
I had night terrors like that when my boyfriend of 5 years left me, and didn’t give me a reason… still do sometimes. The worst part is knowing it was just a dream, but not being able to get rid of that knot in my stomach…
November 3rd, 2007 at 4:00 pm
The person who leaves the relationship is only untroubled as long as they know they still have control of your emotions. As long as a person knows they still affect you, it is the win for the selfish. Selfish people often need reassurance that someone is pining over them to validate their own value in their own mind. It is usually a challenge or part of the whole game to them to keep you there. It’s kind of a pity thing on your part to know this and still give, but at the same time, it does give you a purpose or a sense of doing good in the mean time. Once real love hits you in the side of the head you will sees how rediculous it is to be affected by something not real at all, which you probably knew was not real all along. I don’t think that anyone can ever really be fooled, they just choose to play the fool or the trickster until the real thing becomes apparent. I believe that you alone have total control of your own closure. People can always choose when to stop giving, but takers cannot ever make people keep giving. Thank goodness that no kids came from the game.
November 3rd, 2007 at 4:27 pm
I have gone on with my life time and time again after a death.. Yet the loss of my friends when they could no longer handle dealing with my mental disorder I never forget. Most days I’m reminded of the seemingly one sided nature of my love for them and I imagine it will always confuse me how love can seem so shared only to become something entirely else later on. One day perhaps I’ll wake up after having not dreamed of the past and stop pondering where I was at fault. I’m sure everyone at some point has that dream now and then staring a long lost love that puts knots in their stomach for days afterwards.
The universe is a strange place, and one thing that never ceases to amaze me is the fact that no one is every really alone in it. I may very rarely meet someone that has has had to go through the same things as myself yet I am always able to read about it. It gives me a remarkable amount of comfort.
As I’m sure you hear often Matt, thanks for a lot more than just your wonderful music. To explain to loved ones what Bipolar meant beyond the “Hollywood” definition was far more difficult in the past.
November 3rd, 2007 at 4:35 pm
If men only knew how easy it is to get a woman to fall in love with them.
Here are a few simple tips:
1. Listen when you girl speaks. Don’t watch tv or play with the dog.
2. Tell your girl she is beautiful. Not just during special occasions, but when she least expects it.
3. Buy her flowers, any time. Again, when she least expects it. You have probably been told this is a lame geture, it isn’t. It can make a woman’s day.
4. Don’t look at other chicks in her presence. We know you do it, but refain when we are with you.
5. Touch her. Women like affection, hugs, kisses and yes sex.
6. Stop being lazy. Assistance with everyday chores, without being asked, turns women on.
Six simple steps to a lifetime of bliss. Your welcome, men.
November 3rd, 2007 at 5:23 pm
i went through an achingly similar divorce last year. Don’t really care how sychophantic that sounds, its just true.
And I did it with a child whom I had to shield from all of it.
You stop looking for logic in insanity. The thing is, with people who have not true moral core, personality disorder, sociopath in lack of remorse, etc. they have no concept of right and wrong. They just do and justify.
However, i know one thing, there is no way i am giving my heart away to the past to this person to bury forever and take all my ability for joy when they didn’t think enough to take care of it to begin with.
in their minds, they - and you - are long gone. Logic is and was never there. Now, there are clear skies ahead.
November 3rd, 2007 at 5:32 pm
[quote comment="31715"]That’s the thing with relationships you never get that closure and you’re left with all these things you want to say and questions you want to ask and everything is left so open-ended that it eats at you. After a while the feeling isn’t constant but sometimes out of the blue it hits you again and it’s like a constant source of mental torment. You know you should be over it and everyone tells you the same but the how to go about it seems to be some closely guarded secret that nobody is sharing.[/quote]
That rings so bloody true. It’s going to be 5 months soon since my ex left me, and I’m still having a hard time getting over it. The way he ended it was so cold and, well, open-ended. I still don’t know why it ended, and he never gave me a reason why. I hate that I constantly dream about him despite the best I do not to think about him at all. Or I will get all weepy out of nowhere. It sucks. I don’t know if I’d be able to be as trusting in another relationship again.
I don’t think I’ll ever forget the last time I saw him, the night we stood in the parking lot a week later after the breakup. He gave me a hug and I told him I missed him. All he could say to me was, ‘Yeah I know’ and all I could think of why isn’t he saying the same thing back, after all we went through? It’s cause he didn’t care.
Good luck to him finding someone who will treat him as good as I did. He’ll need it.
November 3rd, 2007 at 5:41 pm
I just have to say… COBALT? That is absolutely insane! I grew up in Haileybury and if you’re in Cobalt you know where that is. Can’t wait to see pictures!
Michelle
P.S. Massey Hall was great! thanks for the signing!
November 3rd, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Beautiful sentiments matt. I am sorry that what happened, happened to you but glad you’re still here today.
Best of success on the rest of your tour
November 3rd, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Everything you said is so fucking true…especially since I went through the same motions when my ex dumped me.
I’ve had night terrors in the past, although mine were a little different as they both delt with separation and death. As I was able to tell you breifly in Sarnia, my ex works at the Imperial so my dreams were based around the theatre and how I wished I could go in there comfortably (I had’t quit yet) and find a way to get him back. What made them worse is the fact that I lost a really good friend and long time member of the theatre to prostate cancer and because of my current state of mind, I just couldn’t bare the idea of going to the memorial service and running into my ex at the same time. After this, my dreams started to incorporate the guilt of losing my friend, on top of the guilt of losing my boyfriend. And as you said, because of the subject matter of the dreams, they ruin your day even before it starts.
Out of curiousity, are you taking anything to help the night terrors? First of all, if you’re on something call Seriquel, a major side effect is, in fact, vivid night terrors. I personally just quit taking it on my own. It helped a lot.
Stay safe. I’m routing for you. :)
November 3rd, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Matt, if I make it as as a solo artist, my band would be a Matthew Good Band tribute, and that’s no word of a lie.
November 3rd, 2007 at 6:39 pm
I’ll believe in love when it finally finds me…
November 3rd, 2007 at 6:41 pm
What comes around goes around Matt. You werent in love for nothing to be heart broken in the end; you’ll find her, it just takes time.
November 3rd, 2007 at 6:41 pm
Keep believing in love my friend, because it is out there and you will find it. Somehow I still am able to conjure up the hope that I will find it too.
.
November 3rd, 2007 at 6:45 pm
I’ve been in love before, gave four plus years to a psuedo -relationship, I guess I made it what I wanted it and needed it to be but in reality it was neither…that was years ago I still think Im skeptical of the whole love thing but then I see the people around me that I love and know that it does exist just on different levels for different people maybe.?It’s hard to fathom that someone you would have done anything for, loved unconditionaly,wouldn’t be willing or maybe able to offer the same back. I still like to think its a possibility in my life, but Im trying not to sit and wait for it to happen, to much living to do to sit and wait for anything!
I have suffered from night terrors since I was a little kid, I still wake up in the night and have to turn a light on the try to get myself focused on what is really happening and what the nightmare was. It leaves you scared and shaky. When I would wake up screaming as a kid my mom would come it to soothe me back to sleep by telling me to take the nightmare and put into a box and lock the lid tight and sent it soaring into the night sky and watch it explode into a million shiny pieces like a firecracker, that way the nightmare was destroyed and turned into a beautiful light show instead. It used to work than ~I wish it still did.
November 3rd, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Things definitly pass with time…things i mean scars that we all recieve….it’s when we begin to pick at them and pick at them that they again start to bleed…..it’s facing that bleeding and that pain that..”shadow”…and confronting that and communicating it day in and day out and allowing ourselves to let those feelings to come out….no matter how much hurt or how much pain you need to get it out……… Keep your chin up and ……Go Get’em Matt.
Your so close , and i wanted to go so bad tonight in Cobalt….I’m in Nipigon right now but had to work till 8pm…..damnit…..i know it’ll be a treat for sure to all those lucky people filling that theatre….Cheers!
Justin
November 3rd, 2007 at 7:36 pm
Divorce, although still present and painful, can sometimes portray better than death. With divorce, you’re at least granted a second chance. If you choose to not try to move on or to love again, it’s a great loss of living life to it’s potential. Sometimes, despite the ugly package followed by divorce, the split could be a blessing in disguise. You’re weary and cautious of what to look for. Sometimes you even discover your worth and wont settle for less than you deserve, which I think, helps alot in the long run because it keeps you in line for what it is you really want in someone.
November 3rd, 2007 at 8:42 pm
This is exactly what I needed to read today, Matt.
Thank You…
November 3rd, 2007 at 11:54 pm
i’ve had Funeral Home stuck in my head as of late, too.
but the other day i realized something very strange about that song.
the chorus sounds almost exactly the same as the chorus to Cadillac Ranch by The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band.
bummed me out, it did.
November 4th, 2007 at 12:26 am
I believe in love.
And failing that, the warm embrace of alcohol.
November 4th, 2007 at 12:54 am
Quoting Matthew Good:
” Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of divorce because that sense of closure is entirely elusive. One party goes on with their lives entirely untroubled by the event because it was what they desired. The other is left attempting to make sense of it, to place it in some sort of rational perspective, to come to terms with the fact that they have no recourse with regards to controlling it or how it impacts them.”
There are some marriages that are ended because one desires out, but that desire out is completely warranted, and that person leaving will not end the marriage “entirely untroubled because it is what they desired”. There are relationships that end in divorce that will affect both party’s. I am referring to verbally, emotionally, physically abusive relationships and the abuser that does not understand or does not want to see what he or she has done wrong.
The abuser that is left behind is still attempting to rationalize the situation as they feel that what they have done has been justified as they are right and the person deserved what they got and they just cannot see why that person wanted to leave. I guess that is a big problem on their part but still… some people do not walk away from a desired divorce untroubled.
OR… it’s that the abuser has done a complete turn around and has changed the way they have acted in the past expecting one to stay and forget all that has happened in the past and when the marriage is ended they just cannot understand why because they have changed, it is like they feel the white board should be wiped clean and clear because they have change. The abuser just does not see what they have written on that board in the past and does not understand the hurt and pain they have afflicted on the one they were supposed to “Love”
It is very hard for the one that has been abused to just forgive and forget and divorce then is the only answer, but they too are troubled.
November 4th, 2007 at 9:51 am
I know the feeling all too well of divorce, I cant say it was my shinning moment bieng 23 and getting divorced. He was fucking around and had been for a while, unknown to me. After dating someone for 7 years then only bieng married for 4 months it was kinda a kick in the face placing trust and everything else in them. So It has taken me a long time bieng 30 now to start to trust again because in the back of your mind your always wondering if the person your with is doing the same shit as ones before, hoping that the next day or week isnt going to find yourself in the same spot going through the same shit again and opening yourself up for heartache. But you always have to keep in mind that their is someone out there for everyone,maybe in the same boat you are not wanting to take the next step in fear as well, but I found you can’t shut everyone out but you do have to be cautious. After a break up or divorce the best thing you can have are a pack of smokes , a moosehead or (12) and awesome friends to bitch and laugh with anytime. Oh and can”t wait for the Brandon show when I saw you were coming I too was like it can’t be the real Matt good, so I am so stoked its gonna be you.
November 4th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
True love will find you in the end.
November 4th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Matt,
I have always marveled at your ability to express emotions so clearly both in your music and your writing. Your music has helped me through so much in my life. I remember being in a situation much like yours and hearing your lyric, ‘Satan is lonely.’ Three words that made a huge change in my outlook. I realized that those who deliberately hurt others for personal gain never get to have what we have. They never have real love, trust, true connections, security and understanding that comes from being close to someone else. You may not have had that with her, but you have it with your friends and family. Now you are free to live your dreams unencumbered. I have faith that your match will come along and you will get to experience love like you deserve.
Best wishes always,
Marianne.
November 4th, 2007 at 9:43 pm
There is something magical about love that demands nothing from you and attaches no conditions - it sets you free in ways you cannot imagine. True love cannot be seen by eyes for they illustrate the best illusions; it is something you will feel and it will pierce through your every inhibition.
I believe it will find you and that you will recognize it when comes around.
November 4th, 2007 at 11:30 pm
One of my best friends suffers from severe depression / “almost bipolar disorder” (the doctors still don’t really know how to diagnose her). The meds she takes cause her to have severe night terrors and she gets them pretty regularly. There has been one prevalent scenario in her night terrors; but typically she doesn’t remember anything, she just wakes up with a feeling of fear; panicked, often crying.
My friend moved away for work recently, but while we lived together I got a lot of panicked visits to my bedroom in the middle of the night or even during the day if she had been napping. Most of the time she would not talk about it, in retrospect, I guess cuz she didn’t remember details of the night terror. She would just wake up literally in a state of panic, delirious at times. I didn’t know what else to do, so I would just hold her in my arms to help her calm down, and eventually the feeling of panic would subside and she would relax a bit.
Matt, I don’t know how intimate a relationship you have with your bus mates, but I would suggest a post-night terror hug. I know it may sound silly and cliché; but, in general, if you’re experiencing anxiety or panic–after a night terror or otherwise– it helps to have someone close reassure you and help you think logically again. You can’t always talk yourself through it. Just like a baby in a mother’s arms, I think it’s our natural instinct to feel secure in the embrace of someone you trust.
I would imagine having night terrors and living on a bus would be kind of difficult, awkward maybe. You’re haunted by a feeling you wake up with all day, not by the memories of the nightmare (right?). I think that feeling safe in someone’s arms might help you shake the panic feelings. I’m just speaking from personal experiences, by no means do I have an education related to this. Just, in general, unless asked the right questions, it’s hard to figure out what needs to be talked about in order for the night terrors to stop or even to help the feelings subside.
sorry for the long comment.. I guess I could just relate to the subject. but seriously, don’t doubt the powers of a hug!
November 5th, 2007 at 5:25 am
True Love will find you in the end.
November 5th, 2007 at 9:03 am
Whatever lies ahead…
will be better
than what lies behind…
That’s a Promise…
November 5th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
[quote comment="31920"]Matt,
I have always marveled at your ability to express emotions so clearly both in your music and your writing. Your music has helped me through so much in my life. I remember being in a situation much like yours and hearing your lyric, ‘Satan is lonely.’ Three words that made a huge change in my outlook. I realized that those who deliberately hurt others for personal gain never get to have what we have. They never have real love, trust, true connections, security and understanding that comes from being close to someone else. You may not have had that with her, but you have it with your friends and family. Now you are free to live your dreams unencumbered. I have faith that your match will come along and you will get to experience love like you deserve.
Best wishes always,
Marianne.[/quote]
well said Marianne…
November 5th, 2007 at 1:53 pm
As I was reading your article- i kept saying over and over: “Yes!! This is exactly the comparison I have made several times in the past!” both to family, friends and loved ones…. Over the years- in my young life thus far- I have dealt with ( like anyone) an overwhelming amount of deaths and in just the last couple years, it seems everyone I know is splitting and/or divorcing from their significant other.
It is so difficult to understand the pain one goes through in either loss. Regardless, each is a grieving process- one that takes an undetermined amount of time to digest, accept and heal from. I too feel that- at least death, has a finality in it; so many questions as to why may remain unanswered but in the end, it is something one can’t argue with. Death is the natural and expected end to what our existence brings. I could question all day long, why for example, my sister was taken from me at such a young age (26- 8 yrs ago). Why I never had that last oppertunity to see her again after so many years, when i was just months away from doing so. Like I waited my whole life for the one moment- and just as it was about to happen- it was taken from me…One of life’s cruel jokes, perhaps…Something I can never quite make sense of, but something in the end- that I am forced to except. THe only way I rationalize it is to say that, “everythign happens for a reason- and we simply weren’t menat to reconnect in this life”. Makes me all better? Not so much, but I don’t know how else to accept it.
As far as divorce- I never even been married- but I have experienced some of the pain that friends and family have endured in the process of their own seperations and divorces. I believe it is a Tragically Hip lyric that says some thing like: ” It is better to have left, than be left behind”…. and I could not agree more…
THe one who has been left behind will always carry around this sense of confusion as to how to comes to terms with such a loss. To be the one who sits alone dealing with all this pain and unanswered questions- while the other lives their life freely and happily. It seems completely unfair. They have taken their way out- and it is so “easy”. I know it feels like there is not quite a definate ‘finality’ as a result of the dissolution of the relationship- but one day YOU WILL feel at peace. There may never be definate answers to all your questions- and in that I don’t know what to say. I believe you have so many questions because you are simply still grieving your loss. Maybe you don’t grieve for her, but you grieve for yourself, and of course, the life you once lived with this person. Wondering why they could do this to you, etc…Just knowing that you gave your heart and soul- your trust, your love, your EVERYTHING to this one person and they couldn’t reciprocate is a huge blow.
I truly believe TIME is a great healer Matthew. YOu have come so far and become a stronger person as a result of your experiences. And as Marianne said- ‘you are now free to live your dreams unencumbered”. FOr a long time you are going to have this wall built - protecting your innermost feelings from those who try to win your heart. And for a long time- you may want to GIVE your heart to another and find that you simply cannot. You will find your true love at the end of all of this but it is natural to have your defenses up and to keep your heart guarded. Noone wants to have their light stolen from them again. Trust will be a huge factor in anything you attempt in your future, but i hink follows naturally with the situation you lived.
Once you have some down time- you can find yourself open to talking with someone- if you think it will free your subconcious a bit. I am a victim of my own thoughts as well-my brain never wants to shut off- cycles of insomnia always precede days of wanting to sleep incessantly. Sometimes i feell like I just want to escape myself:0)
I hope you find that inner peace again. It is a slow process to push through the rubble and begin to rebuilt what you once had. You seem to be such a wonderful and intelligent being- yet so fragile and introcate. COMPLEX:0) So i imagine, their a lot of pieces to pick up- and if you are like me, great detail into which they must reassemble.. Just remember- you always have people who love you to fall back on- friends and family are the BEST supports:0)
L
November 5th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
So much I could say, but I’m no professional so I’ll just stick to agreeing completely with this most eloquent thought:
“Perhaps that has always been the way of things; greed, ambition, desire, selfishness – all of them rooted in the personal and from the personal cast into the machinery of the world. Perhaps our wars within simply manifest themselves in our wars without…”