When I was out in Toronto for Matt’s Massey Hall show, it was suggested that perhaps I could start contributing an entry over two over here. So, without further ado, here goes.
First let me say that I consider it a pretty big honour to be able to lend my voice to those already present. I have nothing but respect for every contributor here, and I admire the thought and the passion behind most entries here. I had a couple of thoughts for my first entry here, but I think the most fitting one would probably be the story of how I first met Matt.
Last year, without a doubt, was the hardest one in my entire life. In addition to the complete collapse of a personal relationship that I had invested several years into, I was also the unfortunate victim of a random assault in November, one that ultimately saw me in the hospital with five fractures to my face along with cuts to my face and scalp. Surprisingly, a lot of time spent in the emergency room, at least for me, was waiting for someone to come help me. During one such break I remember vividly wiping the blood off of my cell phone and attempting to place a call to the one person I, for whatever reason, desperately needed to talk to at that moment. But she never answered the phone, and never showed up at the hospital to see how I was doing.
Several weeks later I had the first of several rounds of plastic surgery to my face, meant primarily to repair the damage to the bone under my left eye. As time would go on, it would become apparent to me that the kick that ultimately fractured my face had somehow broken a lot more than just bone. I spent most of November and December not only healing from the physical injuries, but also trying to comprehend the changes that had taken place inside of me. Maybe it was the end result of my first real brush with mortality, or maybe it was the stark realization that there were people out there that could do something like that to someone, but whatever the cause, something inside of me had shattered.
Having never before really had the need to lean heavily on the people around me, I made the mistake of attempting to understand and solve all these problems by myself. This eventually led to a state near mid December where I felt I could no longer function at my day to day routine, and I seriously considered taking a leave of absence from work and seeking professional help.
When I arrived back home for the Christmas holidays, my mom could immediately see there was something terribly wrong with me. When I walked in the door and she looked at me, it took me all of about five seconds before I burst into tears. I spent that Christmas alternating between my parent’s houses, sleeping on couches, and for the first time since my injury, finally opening up and talking about it. Thankfully, with the help and understanding of my family and my childhood friends, I somehow managed to unravel the complete mess that I had become, and start my road to recovery.
One of the hardest parts of going through something like this is that it brings to light just who your true friends are. Within hours of the injury my parents, sister and brother-in-law had made the two hour drive in the early morning to be with me. My high school friends also showed up, and even the CEO of my current company pulled himself out of bed at 5am to spend the entire day with me in the hospital. Notably absent were some friends I had thought I had meant something to, as well as my ex-girlfriend, a person I had supported both financially and emotionally after we parted ways. Apparently that door only swings one way.
When I got back to Vancouver in January, I hit a pivotal moment where I thought I could once again go out in public and interact with people again at the same capacity I had before. My thoughts were no longer dominated with the events of that night, and I had started to find peace and let a lot of it go. Since a lot of the people I had relied on had let me down, I picked up the phone and called an old friend I hadn’t seen in years. A person who, as it happens, ended up forming a company right down the street from where Matt lives.
After about three beers too many, I made my way across the street to a little pub in the heart of Gastown and had a few more. Unfortunately, the people I was with decided it was time to bail, even though the night was still young. Not wanting to see my glorious reemergence cut short, I did what any social small town person would do in my place — I walked up to a table of people I didn’t know and bought them all some beer. After the introductions were all complete, I realized that I had stumbled upon none other than Jeremy Crowle.
The night continued on, the drinks kept going, and about an hour later, emerging from the top of the stairwell on an important mission to acquire some pinot noir, was Matt.
Later that night I would find myself over at Matt’s place with a group of friends, playing with his dogs, drinking his wine, and finally feeling for the first time in a very long time that things might actually be turning around for me. The rest of the story, as they say, is history, but I’m glad to say that we’ve been friends ever since.
Me and Matt, drinking wine that night
I was having a few beers with Tony Pierce during his visit to Vancouver a while ago, and related most of this story to him. The one part of it that I talked about with Tony that I still find surprising is that prior to that moment, I don’t think I have ever really met a new person in Vancouver and then that night been invited over to their place to drink a pile of their booze. So to be made that offer by Matt, someone who I would have thought would have been extremely careful about who they met and let into their home, speaks volumes about his character and the type of person he is.
Through this blog and my friendship with Matt, I have met a lot people I now consider friends. Just last weekend I found myself drinking beer in a hotel room with Tony and Dale, swinging Raymi around a dance floor in Toronto, talking about life with Patrick, eating dinner with Sara, and watching an amazing concert of Matt’s from backstage in Massey Hall.
For a guy who found himself rather friendless back in January, I think I’ve come a pretty long way.
Thanks to everyone here who showed me friendship and kindness during this last year — I’m really looking forward to writing entries and meeting as many people here as I can.
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Can’t believe noone’s posted yet. (Well, it is 4 AM here…)
I’m sorry for what you went through. I went through a very similar situation/breakdown in 2006 (though mine was not triggered by physical trauma), and many of the things you discuss are things I also dealt with or experienced during my initial lows and slow recovery. You mentioned learning who your true friends were during this, and I learned the same. My girlfriend, who I expected more than anyone else to stand by me, left me when I was at my worst.
Happily, I am now doing much, much better, and it would seem that you are as well.
So, on behalf of the rest of the community (who I’m sure will say the same (when they’re awake)), welcome Duane.
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wow thats a great story, i mean not how it starts out but how it finishes is amazing, and i think if you didnt have the start then the end wouldnt be as amazing ( not the right word but it will have to do) thanks for sharing you put a smile on my face. and with the biggest loudest voice i have WELCOME!!!!
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Sometimes it is really strange how things tie together, eerie even. I was in a near fatal car crash some years back, and oddly enough, it brought an end to my five-year relationship, a mere 4 days later. That is about the time I also discovered what true friendship was, and who my true friends were. I am not a person who trusts willingly on a good day, so the few people I truly call “friend” are more precious to me than anything, as I am sure yours are. Sounds like you have yourself some pretty good ones!! Welcome, welcome Duane!!
Cheers! :)
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I’d like to try to believe that just when you think you’ve hit rock bottom that things will turn around. To use the old cliche, the light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve been following your blog recently, and you are really lucky to have found/made some new friends along the way.
Next time you make it to Montreal, I’ll buy you a pint! There’s a few good pubs around town.
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Welcome Duane.
I look forward to your posts.
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Jeebus that’s a hell of an introductory post and a great tale to wake up to. Welcome, welcome indeed, Duane.
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Thanks for sharing your story Duane, can’t wait to read your posts :). I don’t always comment, but I’ve been reading almost every post on here for a years (not always with an account).
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Move to Toronto…we’re always looking for another freak or sucker.. That’s how they got me.
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It’s amazing how life can do a full 180 at times. I bet you look back with no regrets now.
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Hi Duane! :) Yeah, sometimes it does take a big event like that to turn us around. But I’d like to think they happen for a reason.
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I love real-life happy endings … or beginnings … whatever … welcome, Duane.
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congratulations.
perseverance.
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yay Duane! I was wondering when you’d show up here!
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hey welcome im looking forward to your posts, i was just thinking how crucial the surrondings of someone can be. i work in a hospital and basically i see what you feel, most people wont even consider thinking about the pain that the surgery brings perhaps is it because of the ongoing medication or is it that the pain revolves around the surrondings at a crucial time of your life, im glad you got over it and it brought you great friendship in the end thats amazing, see you around
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HAHAHA MMAW!
I love happy endings too!
I mean..this story is very touching…hahah touching…happy endings…
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welcome, duane :)
thanks for sharing this beautiful story with us!
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I guess it’s true - things happen for a reason. And, as you said, you find out who your true friends are when they do. Unfortunately, some turn out to be total crap.
That’s terrible - what happened to you. I actually had a big, hulking man pound on my face in a road rage incident once - I was 110 pounds and he looked like a football player.
I hope you’re not in too much pain now and I just feel awful that that happened to you….people can change others lives in a heartbeat and without giving it a second thought. Scary world we live in sometimes.
I really enjoyed this post and the pictures I’ve seen of yours. You have a lot to contribute here and I hope to learn more about you.
I’m currently going through a very “low” point in my life and, as a non drinker, I’m now reconsidering……
;)
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Very touching story Duane. I truly agree with you that it is the worst of times that you truly find out the quality of a friendship and believe you me in this past month I can relate to this story so much. I was in a relationship that I thought for sure was going to be the one and only. Our relationship has been a struggle for many many years because of my bi-polar, depression, and many other health battles. This guy pulled through for me over and over again. The breakdowns, the panic, the anger. He took the wrath. For 7 years I have been living with these issues and I will forever be in debt to him for giving a shit about me. We were together for 10 years and were supposed to get married October of this year but something hit me and can you believe it I called, I called it off. It took me 10 flippin years to decide I was not in love with this person. Anyways yes I know I have gained the “bitch” title this month. The reason I know this is because all the friends you thought you had before this, many have just disappeared. Not one calls to say hey I understand or hey how are you holding up? I have come to expect it but never knew how cold people actually are. I have always had such a warm heart for others and have always been there when they have needed me so I am left standing here alone asking “where the hell are you when I need you most”. Very lonely place to feel alone. There is nothing like coming home and noone is there to ask you how your day was. Crawling into a bed alone after 10 years of fighting over the comforter. In the midst of all this though, I have drawn strength from within. I have taken time to focus on me again which is something I had forgotten for a very long time. I have started to get out with some new friends and the world is starting to look good to me again. I have found the drive to want to be someone again. I am smiling again and that is something I would never give up for anything. So life is truly too short for anything but happiness or cheap wine. So drink up, stand tall and stay true to your friends because they are the one’s who will pick your ass up when you fall down from that last glass of wine:) Friends? Definately. Thanx for your story Duane. It is nice to relate.
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That was the perfect story to start out with, Duane. Great post…looking forward to seeing you more frequently on here! You certainly have lots of talent to contribute to this passionate site.
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Great story, i’m sorry for your difficult year, but it looks like a lot of good came out of it.
best to you!
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Ever since you came up to me at Northern Voice and told me you read my blog you’ve become less and less creepy :-P Err I mean, more of a good friend, whose writing and photography have just skyrocketed in quality and popularity. Yeah, I knew that guy Duane… way back when….. Good luck on MG.org.
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I should point out that I met Rebecca and John, who I consider two of my closest friends, while randomly talking about the living room show last year at a conference.
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This is truly an amazing story. It is just another example of how seemingly random encounters can have a lasting effect on you. Crazily enough, I recently had the inspiration to write a book (I am actually an engineer so the muse is controlling this one :) about these sort of events and plan to ask Matt to contribute an anecdote after the concert in Banff on Thursday. I would also be honoured if you might contribute to the book. Maybe even this story. I’ll send you the details…cheers
Shawn
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its ridiculous the number of random acts of violence you hear about more and more about these days. fantastic story, if its like the other writers Matt tends to get on here, i’m sure there’ll be plenty more to come.
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We often learn the most out of life’s biggest hurts, be them physically or emotionally. Sorry you had to experience that man. No one should have to go through that. I am happy for you that things are turning around.
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Wow what a powerful story, thank you for sharing it with us.
Welcome, welcome!
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Welcome Duane!! What a great opening story!!! I frequent your blog (for those who do not know http://duanestorey.com) and it will be very nice to have you here as well!!!
Good Luck!!! Love your Photos too!!!
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had a brief interruption in my internet this morning…aka I got all my Shaw stuff cut…and then I fixed it temporarily…eek…anyways, looking forward to reading your entries!!!!!
I too enjoyed your photos!!! Nice!
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Kristy…the link doesn’t work.
:(
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What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing your story and sounds like you are doing so much better now!!!!!
The story is definately inspiring me to talk.
13 years ago I was home alone while my parents were travelling and sister was living outside the province. A guy friend was over watching SNL then left when it was over. While sleeping a few hours later, I awoke and heard footsteps. Everyone was out of town so I was hoping it was my sister who came home unexpectadly at 4am?… My parents were much further away so I knew it wasn’t possible it was them. The footsteps came closer to my parents bedroom, where I was sleeping; the door opened. There above me stood a guy probably the same age as me (23). He stared and stared and stared at me, while I pretended to be sleeping. He quietly left. I heard him talking to 2 other guys in my house.. when I finally got the courage, I unfroze myself and ran across the hall to grab the phone (the one night I forgot to bring it to bed with me). I called 911, dogs were in my house in 2 minutes or less. I had victim services call me up to 6 months after, who I would always tell ‘I think I’m ok’. After all, the man I thought would either rape and kill me, or rape me, or just plain kill me, never touched me.
I never got help but I still live in fear. My husband takes business trips and I don’t sleep. Even though we got an alarm after my son was born (because I thought ‘they’ would break in and kidnap him), I have watched way too many movies where someone cuts your phone cord and you can’t call for help.. There are nights my husband is sleeping right beside me and I’m frozen with fear. It’s few and far between now though, because our alarm is apparently one that is hard to cut outside the home.. but there is still that thought someone will cut the wire, break into our home and take our child.
I know it’s a bit of a different kind of story Duane has posted but it is still one that was a result of someone who was able to come out of living in fear and be able to go on with their life and meet great people along the way.. and in 13 years, aside from the fear, I know I’m getting there….and have definately met people who have helped me ‘get there’..
Thank you Duane!!! I appreciate you sharing this story.
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Deb, what? Someone punched you? you gotta be kidding me… I can’t believe someone did that to you who was way bigger… That is cowardly and horrible…
What comes around goes around.
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Thank you for sharing that Duane. :)
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can I ask if it feels you’ve come a long way?
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Quoting Duane Storey:
Honestly, it sort of comes and goes - compared to where I was back in December, I really have come pretty far. For the most part, I am my old self, but I have accepted that I will never truly be the same. It is something I am sure I will carry with me the rest of my life, sort of like a scar that never fully heals. But to be honest, and I’ve commented about it on my own blog, a lot of good has come out of the experience, even though it’s not something I would wish on anybody. Through it, I have gained a new appreciation for life and the people who have stuck with me through mine.
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Welcome aboard dude.
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Quoting Duane Storey:
definitely food for thought.
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Duane not to trivialize your ordeal …. but I think I’d take a face-bashing to attend one of those living room concerts :)
Good luck and enjoy!
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Welcome…O conqueror of giant eyeballs! Here’s hoping we’ll see some of your photos as well as your words from time to time.
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It always takes a tragedy to find out who your true friends are, which is a shame.
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Yep, and the person who said 4 days after her accident that her relationship ended is the kind of story I hear over and over again. Why does it take a tragedy to break someone up? Wouldn’t it normally bring you closer? It’s really sad when I hear that sort of thing…
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That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
Perserverence and defiance helped “rebuild” me. I agree, I am not the same man I used to be either. I would say I lost parts of myself during my illness, too, but I also gained some, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t very happy with who I am right now. The events I went through, good and bad, are all contributing factors to that.
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It’s wonderful when you can come out of the end of the tunnel into the light and turn around with a sigh of relief, thinking- I made it…
You gave me an inspiration Duane…I have been going through rough times myself and finding myself rather lost and- not so much “friendless” as very lonely. I am new here in Van and haven’t had very much “luck ” in any way - shape or form as of late… I try to keep positive by thinking, things can only turn around for the better:0) ONce you get sooo far down- you can only go up rihgt? I would like to think so.
I believe you found yourself to be in some wonderful company:0) Great friends….Thanks for the article…It truly made my day and put a smile on my face!! Thank you,
Lyndsey
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Welcome! Sorry to hear about your bad experiences, but glad to see you coming out the other side. I’m sure you’re aware that there are many people that read Matt’s blog who have been through hellish experiences themselves, along with Matt himself. You won’t find any place where your bad days are more understood or empathized.
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Quoting Patrick Pitt:
Patrick, please explain … I wasn’t trying to be funny.
Always a joke with you …
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well happy ending is a slang term for a nice way to end a massage of dubious intent.
Yes it is always a joke with me - starting at 5 in the AM by looking at the mirror!
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Quoting Patrick Pitt:
Patrick, you are such a guy. That made me laugh.
I’m so out of the dirty slang loop it is embarrassing. I once bought my son a t-shirt that said “I’m ready for my money shot”. For those of us who don’t watch porn, these things just aren’t obvious …
Thanks for clearing it up.
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Speaking of porn. I have been told by numerous people that the Playboy channel is not porn. wtf…
No, I don’t hear that term on that channel but I still think the channel is porn.
Sorry, what was the question?
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Sorry to hear of the trauma you went through.
It always seems we never know what capabilty we, our friends and lovers have until the test arrives.
Some people pleasantly surprise you…others not so much.
Looking forward reading your good words!
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congrats on the new writing gig duane! :-)
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Hey there!
So I read your story about being assaulted and thought there is something that you might find interesting (Well…not interesting but informative). Three years ago I was in a serious car accident and broke almost every bone in the left-hand side of my face. After being discharged from the “lovely” Meadow Ridge Hospital in Maple Ridge with them saying that I just had a broken nose and nothing else was wrong (as well as being accused by a nurse of drinking and driving…I guess tea really messes people up these days) I found myself having some pretty severe facial pain (obviously I was in pain…but something was very wrong). After going through some proper channels I learned that I had fractured my ZYGOMATIC BONE, which from your description is what you might have fractured, I had been diagnosed with something called TRIGEMINAL NEUROPATHY (or it can be called TRIGEMINAL NEURALGIA) What it is is basically a severe nerve condition usually caused by a blood vessel aggravating the nerve; but mine was caused by the fracture breaking inwards and damaging the nerve. This condition is known as one of the most painful ailments known to medical doctors. I have severe pain every day combated only with a harsh regiment of narcotic pain killers that bring on a whole new line of problems themselves. It is VERY likely that you might have damaged this nerve by the sounds of your trauma. The pain is so severe that depression is almost a given. Everything you have described in your entry is what happened to me to a tee. Social anxiety, depression, pain etc etc. I write this entry not to take away from the pain and turmoil, but to bring this to your attention. Along with terrible migraines and aching in the left-hand side of your face, trigeminal neuralgia can cause very severe electric-like pain caused by triggers. (ie. brushing your teeth, touching your face, kissing someone etc.) Sorry about the length of this but if you have any of these symptoms I think you should SERIOUSLY look into this.
hope things are well!
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Thanks for the concern. I do indeed have a complex fracture of the zygomatic bone, as well as complete destruction of my orbital floor and a displacement of the greater wing of the sphenoid bone against my brain. Unlike you though, the nerve running through my face has been seriously damaged — I no longer feel pain really. In fact, I don’t feel much of anything on the left side of my face. Even my left teeth and gums essentially feel like I’ve just come out of the dentist all the time.
The sad thing is I had a medical student see me about a week after everything happened. After looking at my CT scan he told me everything was fine and I was to go home and wait six months. It was only because I got a copy of my CT scan myself and sent it to a guy on the internet (some surgeon who chimed in on my blog and offered to help) that I received a proper diagnosis. Unfortunately, by the time I got into the OR, it was too late to properly fix the zygomatic bone, so it’s currently slightly out of place.
If anyone wants to see, I did a 3D rendering of my injuries once I got a hold of my CT scan CD myself. It’s a bit graphic, but you can hover over the image and see where the breaks are. It’s available here.
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Cheers Duane!! Maybe someday we’ll chat! Be well!!
Justin
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Hey Duane, i’ll be looking forward to reading more. And I am glad your scars are finally healing :)
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The wierdest thing about that story is how you walked up to a table of strangers and they welcomed you in, not many people do that. Which is unfortunate, I really love those random conversations.
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Hey Duane, thanks so much for sharing your very touching story with us and Welcome to the board! I would love to read more of your postings, i was just checking out your photography on flicker, they’re awesome pics… :)
I hope all is getting better for you and we’re all here to talk!
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I too am looking forward to more posts and happy to hear about your scars healing. Perhaps to speed up the process you should consider the Playboy channel. Rumour has it that it is no longer porn.
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There are some very frightening stories here. I’m sorry to each of you and hope you will never face such situations again.
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WELCOME DUANE !!!! Sorry you had to experience such an awful event in your life. Funny sometimes how a horrible pain can end up healing other things you didn’t know were broken. Looking forward to your stories & pics ! CHEERS !
Karen
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hey duane!
Im the person with the broken face from the car accident.. The severe damage to the trigeminal nerve is what causes the condition. By the sounds of it you were lucky and the nerve was damaged completely (Well…luck shouldnt be the word used) instead of almost completely. When my zygomatic bone broke it broke inwards severing the nerve 90%, which means its hanging there triggering pain daily. The nervous system does repair itself so if you start feeling these symptoms even in the next year or two it is worth checking out and jumping on right away! It took my doctors forever to diagnose so thats why I warn….not to be morbid or anything. Hopefully all things go well and the nerve stays dorment for you. My two front teeth and gums also feel like yours. My dentist tried to tell me the nerve had to come out of those teeth in fear of them rotting as the nerves in them are most likely dead…..don’t do it….its been 3 years..still no rotting. So do you not take any pain medication for your face then if you do not feel much?
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I was on pain medication after the original injury, because a lot of the damage still translated into areas where I had sensation, and it sure hurt. I remember thinking my head was going to explode once when I was forced to sneeze — not a pleasant experience with five fractures in your face.
I had two surgeries, both of which I also was on pain medication, but except for an extremely itchy and watery eye (due to a sudden foreign body being planted underneath it), I really didn’t feel that much due to the nerve damage. Unfortunately, because I now have a foreign body inside of me, I am always at risk for sudden immune rejection of my implant which does happen in people from time to time (which would put my vision at risk unless I made it to a hospital within about 24 hours to have it removed).
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Quoting Patrick Pitt:
ha ha ha, well a certain person I live with tells me it isn’t porn. WHATEVER.
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Quoting deb:
Just type it in.. I don’t know why.. it does when I click it…