I, Dale, Resolve
… to pay more attention to my breath. Breath is life they say, and we all do a lot of breathing. Sometimes I catch myself holding it, sometimes I’m keeping it shallow, and all too rarely I let myself breathe deeply. The correlation between stress, relaxation and the way we breathe are well documented. I will attempt to direct some awareness towards that because I know given my situation, it could be a good thing, Martha.
… to choose a day in which I remind every person I meet that “we’re all in this together”. Sound stupid? I mean it I will without hesitation, stammer, or an inference in inflection of insincerity, say “we’re all in this together” to every little soul I meet on a given day sometime this year. Of course, I may slightly change the statement to the effect of “we’re all in this shitboat together” or “we’re all fucked in this unmerciful tide of derelict historical repetitious slavery together”. It’ll depend on the day’s mood, really.
… to finish my goddamn poetry book. So what if I think no one cares about poetry. So what if I never sell a single copy beyond friends and family. I wrote the shit and I’ll publish the shit just to see the shit come to physical being. Just to know that I had put to print that which was important to me, formative for me, and above all, an act of expression which has been intrinsic to who I am. And when I do publish it, I’ll give at least one public reading of some of my favourites- of which I will not apologize for, berate myself about, or otherwise lowball myself. A no fear move. I might require medication and alcohol to achieve this effect.
… to stay positive about my physical situation, and financial/legal one. It’s all too easy to imagine the horrors of “what ifs” about the future, and also far too easy to forego the happiness of a moment for the possibility of the dreadfulness that may lie ahead. I truly live in a wealthy country on a beautiful land mass with a wonderful family and a gorgeous woman at my side. I need to take that in and shove it up my worry.
… to tell my Dad how he’s let me down, what’s been burning a hole in my chest some 15 years, and who I am today. Seriously there’s monkeys and skeletons that he will not take to his grave, thank you very much. It’s going to be a bold slice into the skin of our already tattered relationship, and one in which I can’t possibly reveal in print. Suffice it to say, there’s a chance in there somewhere for a real connection, and I’ll be dammed if I don’t go for broke and try and hit straight up with the man.
… to volunteer somewhere in my community. Seriously, there’s so many agencies in need of public volunteerism, and though I work in the social services, it would be great to even contribute a few hours every week to a place I support. Unfortunately, there’s a great deal of options in Hamilton when it comes to community support, so I know I won’t have an issue finding somewhere near by that I can pitch in at.
… to lose weight. Since I’m resolving things, I might as well go for broke and lose weight while I’m at it. A cool 2.5-3lbs would be terrific. Just the extra cut around my ankles and thighs. I want to wear sandals and shorts in the summer, and currently my slightly slagging slack-look is crimping my skinny style. I think cutting back on processed cheese should accomplish that sufficently in 3.5 months. I just read a whole book dedicated to the perils of processed cheese, Processed To Death: The Indestructible Killer Lurking in Vaccum-Sealed Plastic Inside Your Refridgerator (2nd Revision). A real eye opener.
All the best to all of you in the brand new shiny 2008 calendar year. Don’t forget about the leap year. There’s a whole extra 24 hours before my birthday this year, time enough to get me something last minute without coming off daft. Mail me for gift ideas and my mailing address.
December 31st, 2007 at 4:45 pm
All the best to you & yours in ‘08 too, Dale.
There’s always room for hope in coming clean—I let my own father know how I felt, and 6 years later he and I are close for the first time since I was about 6 (21 going on 22 yrs later).
Edit: fixed a typo (my vowel keys like to stick).
December 31st, 2007 at 5:02 pm
I guess the reason I never kept my New Year’s resolutions is because I never put enough thought into what I wanted to resolve. Kudos to you, Dale, for putting what looks to be quite a bit of thought into your list. :-)
And you will be getting an email from me asking about gift ideas. ;-)
In the meantime, take care. I wish you and your nearest and dearest a wonderful new year!
Cheers!
And a Happy New Year to everyone else here as well!
December 31st, 2007 at 5:03 pm
“… to tell my Dad how he’s let me down,”
I still can’t bring myself to do it.
December 31st, 2007 at 5:21 pm
That’s a damn fine list. I’m going to go ahead and adopt number 1, if you don’t mind. I was actually just thinking about that this morning on the bus, when wondering why my whole spine was screaming and simultaneously releasing a long unnoticed breath.
I definitely appreciate number 3. As a reclusive, closet writer I too appreciate the longing to spread my constructed words out there for good or bad. I’ve always thought if someone feels something deeply enough to write it down, at least one other person should hear those words if only to contemplate them a little.
And number 5. That one has its own personal sting for me, especially lately. In fact it’s the only thing circling my brain, driving me into near madness, making me feel damaged and difficult and useless and abandoned. I’ve been trying to decide exactly what to do to resolve the mess. I’m trying to decide if I should hunt down and actually meet the man one would call my Dad.
Fuck, time to breathe.
December 31st, 2007 at 5:37 pm
I can’t breath. Wow.
I hope you mend your broken relationship with your father, Dale… I say go for broke. What do you really have to lose? Good luck, man.
Cheers,
t
December 31st, 2007 at 5:47 pm
all the best to you and yours Dale.
My hope for reconciliation. Because it’s important.
December 31st, 2007 at 7:05 pm
HAppy New Year’s to you Dale, and your lady:0)
So, I just happened to have read a quote written on my desk by my roomate:
” Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent to throw it at someone else; you are the only one who gets burned.” Buddha
That being said, whatever it is that is happening between you and your father- i hope it resolves itself somehow, for your own well being. There is nothing wrong with revealing how you feel to him and i hope you do- being honest will set you free. Don’t harbour any ill will or feelings- purging all of that could be cathartic- ( i understand it cant change the things of the past that cant be undone)….You sound comepletely genuine when you say, “I’ll be damned if i don’t go broke” in trying. In taking that step you only have somethign to gain.
And speaking about gaining…and losing…. Yeah… I am glad you’re joking about losing weight. I’ve seen you… Handsom little guy… lose any weight and you’ll wizzle away…;0)
Have a wonderful New Year, however you choose to ring it in. As my friend Kat would say” It’s time to get dressy and then get fuckin messsssy!!!
Here’s to easy breathing in the new year for everyone…Cheers!
December 31st, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Good luck to you.. I really hope that even if the bridge cant be gapped, that you are able to make your peace with your internal issues with your father. I still have mine, I have to forgive him everyday, and thats something that I let get to me, and now I am learning to let go.
May all your wishes come true!
~Sarhar ( Dawn )
December 31st, 2007 at 7:18 pm
Those are some wicked resolutions!
I hope you accomplish them all.
Happy New Year, Dale!
December 31st, 2007 at 10:31 pm
I have a few things to shove in my worry too….well put. We get so caught up in the “what ifs” and “how can we’s” that it can suck the days away from us, can’t it? Just enjoy what we do have because the other shit’s gonna happen anyhow…take it as it comes. I have to remind myself of that often…I’m a chronic worrier. You’ve really helped to put it into perspective…you have a great way of doing that. (Thank you)
I have issues from my past but, as a people pleaser, I’ll probably take them to my grave. I’ve tried opening some worm cans and quickly closed them back up when they started to crawl out. Good for you for resolving to take that chance. If it’s a shot at a decent relationship, then it’s a chance worth taking.
Did you say you have 2.5-3 pounds to lose.???
Sorry, but fuck you.
;)
Happy new year Dale. All the best.
December 31st, 2007 at 10:55 pm
All the best Dale, and Happy New Year. And put me down for a copy of your book!
January 1st, 2008 at 12:54 am
You can mark me down for a copy of your poetry book. I care about poetry. It’s not a dying art, but it is coughing up a little blood. Help revive it.
I want to lose 5 pounds, but I don’t eat processed cheese. Am I fucked?
All the best, to you and yours in 2008!
January 1st, 2008 at 1:13 am
Happy new year, Dale, and good luck with your resolutions.
My resolution is just to live each day to the utmost of my ability, as if it were my last. I’m tired of worrying about health etc. constantly.
btw.,.I volunteered for the last couple years at one of Hamilton’s charitable organizations….they “fired” me just before the holidays.,…or at least told me I “should concentrate on my health”….apparently they don’t like little things like your health or a disability encroaching upon the time you spend volunteering for them. I was sad as I really liked being able to “give back” in whatever little way I could, and they don’t seem to want me to anymore. I volunteered pretty often, but I guess they have specific timelines. Oh well…
January 1st, 2008 at 9:31 am
Happy New Year to you, Dale. I would also love a book copy it MUST be signed of course!
I wish you all the best with your resolutions, especially with your father. I hope to quell a rift with a certain family member at home before it becomes a lost cause.
And HNY to everyone who makes matthewgood.org work too!!
January 1st, 2008 at 11:09 am
Breathing is fun, especially in the beautiful mountain air of the Alberta Rockies. I find it important to take pleasure in the simple things of life.
January 1st, 2008 at 12:22 pm
I would totally dig you’re poetry book — But I’d want you to sign it. =)
You’re brave and bright you’re gonna do well at whatever you choose.
Best wishes for 2008 and always!
January 1st, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Good luck with your resolutions Dale! Hope your 2008 is wonderful :). Keep us updated on that book!
January 1st, 2008 at 5:23 pm
I would totally buy a book of poetry. I would even read it ;) Part of my new years resolutions is to read more stuff that I wouldn’t ordinarily read. I am trying to broaden my horizons! I wish all of you the best for whatever you resolved to do, and you as well Dale….
January 1st, 2008 at 5:59 pm
I’m sure that your Dad is fully aware of how he has let you down and has to live with it every day. Some thing are just best left unsaid. Hug your Dad, get on with your life and don’t make the same mistakes he made.
January 1st, 2008 at 6:13 pm
With all due respect filbertfancy, you don’t know what I’m referencing to with regards to my father. Secondly, its my resolution, and I’ll follow though as I see fit. Its not a deliberation or something which I may or may not do- I will do it, and its been coming some 15 years.
I guess I’m astonished at your dismissive statement. I disclosed nothing and you felt compelled to comment on it. I hope you’re not a therapist.
January 1st, 2008 at 7:37 pm
[quote comment="36893"]
Did you say you have 2.5-3 pounds to lose.???
Sorry, but fuck you.
[/quote]
That made me laugh.
I assumed Dale was joking–any weight to lose specified in fractions of a pound, hell, anything less than 5 pounds, well, that’s gotta be a joke. Either that, or someone is obsessing about their weight …
January 2nd, 2008 at 8:12 am
seriously dude 2.5-3 pounds? No.
You’re thin already. I fart from the other side of the room it might break three of your ribs. You and the misses come over for some traditional Croatian/Serbian dinner and we’ll help you add that weight.
January 2nd, 2008 at 12:06 pm
I agree with Patrick - you don’t need to lose any weight bud. But best of luck with all your resolutions for the new year.
January 2nd, 2008 at 12:29 pm
I’ll echo the same sentiment as everyone else here about the desired weightloss!!! ;-) 2-3 pounds? Come on!!!
January 2nd, 2008 at 6:40 pm
I was, indeed, joking about the weight loss. Relax all. Have a Gravol.
January 2nd, 2008 at 6:43 pm
I resolve not to have a Gravol.
January 2nd, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Does Gravol come in fruit flavors??