Scott Baio Is 45 And Single

I have a brilliant idea. Scott Baio is 45 and single – let’s make a reality television program about it. What would it be about? Well…

“Let’s face it, Scott Baio is a ladies man. Heather Locklear, Dennis Richards, and Pamela Anderson are just a few names on his laundry list of old flames. Finally at the end of his philandering rope, the TV star and one-time recording artist enlists a life-coach to get to the bottom of his bad-boy ways. Over eight weeks, Baio is forced to confront his semi-sordid past in order to prepare for a meaningful and long-lasting relationship.”

Finally!

Let’s all face it, we were all getting a little worried about Scott and this looks positive. Be sure to tune into one of the numerous Much “Music” stations so that you can catch it rather than actually seeing anything that remotely resembles music.

While you’re there, you might also indulge in Hogan Knows Best. I know, when I first saw the title I got excited as well. I too thought it was about the cast of Hogan’s Heroes. Turns out it’s about Hulk Hogan and the many trials and tribulations that he and his family must face while living the sort of lifestyle that 99% of the planet doesn’t.

You know what would actually make an excellent reality television? I have three ideas that, I can only hope, will one day get pitched to a network and make me ridiculously wealthy.

Be it in Iraq, Afghanistan, or some other location – follow the lives of a family living in the midst of war. Watch as they cope after their neighbours are killed by errant bombs, pick through the rubble of flattened buildings with the family kids where they come across limbs, parts of flattened skulls, and other body parts. Watch as the kids are driven to school by a different route every day in hopes of avoiding violence before Dad takes the car to the gas station and waits for 12 hours to fill the tank.

Will their eldest son, driven by anger over the death of his girlfriend and her entire family, join the insurgency? Will the family sever ties with their Uncle, a known member of an insurgent group? Will they attempt to flee the country altogether in hopes of finding a new life?

Tune in to find out.

Follow along as a single mother and her three children cope with life in a refugee camp in Darfur. Revel in the children’s delightful shenanigans, such as not speaking for hours at a time having been traumatized by their rape at the hands of the Janjiweed. Watch as their mother waits in line for aid packages, which she then craftily waters down to make last for an entire week.

Make sure to get plenty of snacks, turn off your cell, and get comfortable, because Genocide is sure to be jam packed full of intrigue, excitement, malnutrition, fear, and, of course, the deaths of countless ‘walk-on’s’.

Will the first season be the only season? Tune in to find out.

Join us as we follow the lives of three teenaged Haitian girls forced into prostitution and their secret plans to illegally sneak into the United States and find their dream jobs – working at McDonalds, Disney World, and a book store.

All they need is a boat, fair winds, and some luck. Tune in to see if they make it.