I have a brilliant idea. Scott Baio is 45 and single – let’s make a reality television program about it. What would it be about? Well…
“Let’s face it, Scott Baio is a ladies man. Heather Locklear, Dennis Richards, and Pamela Anderson are just a few names on his laundry list of old flames. Finally at the end of his philandering rope, the TV star and one-time recording artist enlists a life-coach to get to the bottom of his bad-boy ways. Over eight weeks, Baio is forced to confront his semi-sordid past in order to prepare for a meaningful and long-lasting relationship.”
Finally!
Let’s all face it, we were all getting a little worried about Scott and this looks positive. Be sure to tune into one of the numerous Much “Music” stations so that you can catch it rather than actually seeing anything that remotely resembles music.
While you’re there, you might also indulge in Hogan Knows Best. I know, when I first saw the title I got excited as well. I too thought it was about the cast of Hogan’s Heroes. Turns out it’s about Hulk Hogan and the many trials and tribulations that he and his family must face while living the sort of lifestyle that 99% of the planet doesn’t.
You know what would actually make an excellent reality television? I have three ideas that, I can only hope, will one day get pitched to a network and make me ridiculously wealthy.
Be it in Iraq, Afghanistan, or some other location - follow the lives of a family living in the midst of war. Watch as they cope after their neighbours are killed by errant bombs, pick through the rubble of flattened buildings with the family kids where they come across limbs, parts of flattened skulls, and other body parts. Watch as the kids are driven to school by a different route every day in hopes of avoiding violence before Dad takes the car to the gas station and waits for 12 hours to fill the tank.
Will their eldest son, driven by anger over the death of his girlfriend and her entire family, join the insurgency? Will the family sever ties with their Uncle, a known member of an insurgent group? Will they attempt to flee the country altogether in hopes of finding a new life?
Tune in to find out.
Follow along as a single mother and her three children cope with life in a refugee camp in Darfur. Revel in the children’s delightful shenanigans, such as not speaking for hours at a time having been traumatized by their rape at the hands of the Janjiweed. Watch as their mother waits in line for aid packages, which she then craftily waters down to make last for an entire week.
Make sure to get plenty of snacks, turn off your cell, and get comfortable, because Genocide is sure to be jam packed full of intrigue, excitement, malnutrition, fear, and, of course, the deaths of countless ‘walk-on’s’.
Will the first season be the only season? Tune in to find out.
Join us as we follow the lives of three teenaged Haitian girls forced into prostitution and their secret plans to illegally sneak into the United States and find their dream jobs – working at McDonalds, Disney World, and a book store.
All they need is a boat, fair winds, and some luck. Tune in to see if they make it.
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That’s why I have the documentary channel…
Now, I must admit, I have a few reality shows I like (Survivor, Amazing Race), but when I was younger I always wondered if I would ever live to see the art-imitating-life thing flip flop and become all life-imitating-art…now that some ‘lucky’ gal is gonna get a chance to date Charles in Charge I’d say we’ve reached the zenith of all time crappy TV…and don’t even get me started on Much…it’s a sad day when all they bother to play is an I&I with Good Charlotte three times in a 24 hour period and call it a music station.
Sad state of affairs…
God, I love when you do the satire thing.
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Nice work Much More Music. /golfclap
p.s. that war banner gives me goosebumps.
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I thought TV hit rock bottom with ‘Dancing with the Stars’.
Sadly, today’s TV keeps feeding us garbage and majority of people suck it down like candy.
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Im gonna make a wild suggestion here and say we should take option 3 and turn it into a season of the Simple Life starring Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie.
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Oh the socially revealing wit that is sarcasm.
Unfortunately, I believe the idea is likely not so far fetched. Right now in the entertainment industry pure crap such as Hogan Know Best and my personal favourite Search for the Next Pussy Cat Doll is pumped out like oil to distract and cheapen those consumers willing to dull their minds to it. Soon enough the huddled masses will get bored and demand blood for reality entertainment instead. We’re close enough with shows like the ones on A&E.
I guess it’s easier to be cheaply entertained than informed or inspired or ignited.
I fear the day there is no one left but drones.
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Don’t get me wrong, but I had a hard time not letting out a little chuckle there. I know that these events are quite serious, and not a laughing matter, but when I read the plot of each show, I had a quite vivid picture painted in my head.
All I could think of was a large boardroom full of “suits” that were brainstorming ways to capture this on camera, and bring it to the people. This part wasn’t so overly funny, but when I picture them believing that these would actually get good ratings. Priceless.
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Quoting zitadawn:
Personally, I would be more entertained watching the snow melt than trying to sit through that mind-numbing, air-time-filling crap.
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I think I’m glad I don’t know who Scott Baio is.
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“Be sure to tune into one of the numerous Much “Music” stations so that you can catch it rather than actually seeing anything that remotely resembles music.” - Don’t forget MTV canada, I don’t think I have ever seen one music video while flicking past, however I did stop on “yo momma” once, if I can only get the delorean working again I might be able to get that half hour back.
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Quoting NA4life:
I agree.
The only reason I still have a TV right now is for channel 1.
The Holiday Fire Log Channel.
I don’t know when they (the collective power that is cable) will take it away from me, but I have a distinct feeling I will mourn its loss.
I’ll have to buy the fireplace dvd. The only problem, I can only find one for sale at HMV. Right at the checkout above the Fergie or Rhianna or insert manufactured wannabe’s name here.
In HMV today, unwillingly Christmas shopping for those who refused my let’s not buy presents plan, the integrity that was art is painfully apparent.
On the wall, huge posters of Bob Marley and Bob Dylan.
On the sale rack, Pussy Cat Dolls CD’s.
Hypocrisy is rarely charming.
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Iraq/Afghanistan would be like the Sopranos. Was only going to be 4 seasons but more money got tossed in and all agreed to ride that cash cow for 6 years.
I heard Scott Baio was born in Toronto.
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I canceled my cable at home at around the time they thought up Temptation Island. I didn’t think it could get much lower than that. I was wrong.
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I knew there was a reason why I haven’t watched network programming in a long while. Maybe I should follow Duane and cancel my cable…
No… I like my FoodTV too much…
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I just finished interning at MTV and I overheard a conversation between an producer and someone else with this quote sticking out “Reality TV is in, and we’re gonna ride the wave until it phases out.” Obviously the wave is getting bigger and bigger and has shown no signs of slowing down. And since advertisers largely dictate what networks create because the goal is ratings, the advertisers will continually push reality TV until it becomes unpopular. The networks have no reason to stop creating reality TV right now. Channels like MTV and Bravo among others have almost become exclusive homes to reality TV because that’s what is popular and it will keep getting ratings.
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I keep saying I’ll watch a reality TV show as soon as they make “Survivor: Baffin Island”. Drop them off at a remote location on the island (of course, the whole island is a remote location, but you know what I mean) sometime in mid-to-late August with the same gear and clothing they’re usually given for the tropical locales (bikinis and such). Then tell them no ones coming to get them until October. Hilarity ensues. Last one not frozen solid wins.
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“Reality TV” as it stands right now is television that is guided by script. They are not so much weekly documentaries as they are “Let’s put X person in Y situation that we manufactured ourselves, and see how they react”.
I really think it’s a great idea to go the extra mile and make something a bit more “real” by taking out the scripting and phony situations, and doing something like a weekly documentary that follows people’s lives. It serves many purposes, the two most important being that it educates people as to what sort of situations others are living in, and secondly it humanizes the peoples of those nations. We hear of people dying in Sudan. But we don’t really consider them other fellow humans, we just simply regard them as statistics. The second we see a baby crying, is the second we attach some value to their lives as it is something we can relate to. Being able to relate to these other people around the World is vital in order for us to care.
“Be sure to tune into one of the numerous Much “Music” stations so that you can catch it rather than actually seeing anything that remotely resembles music.”
That’s pretty sad/disappointing too. Today, music is more a part of our lives than any time before us. There is so much more music out there now, as anyone can start making their own music. There’s far more genres than ever before. There’s many new ways of distributing music. New bands are able to get the World’s attention in a matter of days thanks to the Internet…it’s sad to see that while music itself has ventured into these fantastic new frontiers, channels like MuchMusic resort to typical cash-money programming.
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I think reality tv actually proved to me they couldn’t do any better then what they are right now when a promo for ‘Celebrity Rehab’ was aired on TV =P
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I would hope that one day the shock value of these things would actually sink in and people would want to attempt to do something about it. Like oh say, put it in the media spotlight instead of how many times Britney Spears shit herself over how many times she’s lost her kids. Or how Gene Simmons is better than the rest of the world at everything. I wont start on the politics behind MTV not broadcasting a shred of music, or Much Music showing reruns of The OC coupled with the ultra low brow “Video on Trial”. I say make those documentaries Matt. In all seriousness I’d really think something like that would hit home with a lot of people. There have been a few in depth documentaries about girls in Thailand selling themselves because work is so scarce and what goes on with the underground sex trade and human trafficing. Its just my opinion though. I personally don’t have the money nor the experience to do such a thing, but I do know people who do!
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I find Scott Baio to be repulsive.
The only time my TV is on, it stays only on HGTV (I’m a tad obsessed). My mother’s got Fox News on most of the time but I choose not to watch any news channels since most of them are biased on way or another.
Think for yourself, question authority.
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The next wave of TV will undoubtedly be user generated content (i.e. reality TV with no script), sort of the next step in the youtube evolutionary ladder I think. Already in my little spheres I’m starting to hear talk of self organizing peer to peer networks at a community level. Imagine turning on your TV and not just having normal network channels, but videos from everyone in your neighborhood you can watch at your leisure.
Not there yet, but it’s coming.
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So….
1. This is why I only watch cartoons, and have Netflix to watch movies.
2. You guys up north seem to be a little behind. Saw a commercial last night. New season, early next year, February, I think. “Scott Baio is 46….and pregnant.” No bullshit..lol
This, of course, will be aired after the THIRD season of “Flavor of Love” has premiered. Seriously..I swear this is why people are getting dumber. I realize that there are people that do only take it as entertainment value, but way too many people take this shit way too seriously.
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I predict a future of the best damned TV that sponsors will pay for us to see.
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It utter baffles me when people claim they are “Oh so busy” and don’t have time for useful things like physical exercise, volunteer work etc. Yet they can tell you what happened on last week’s episode of every reality TV show. Sad.
Mark Burnett did a great thing with Eco-Challenge, but then went downhill from there, no doubt because of $$.
The photo in the WAR banner made me feel physically ill.
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I’m surprised Vanilla Ice hasn’t gotten his own show yet. Or Mr. T. Not that I’d watch either.
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you are BRILLIANT. (:
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I wonder if Joanie will make an appearance.
Oh the nights I stayed awake, as a ten year old, dreaming of my crush Cha Chi.. man….. My second crush after Shaun Cassidy…
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unfortunately, as interesting as those T.V. shows seem, if we were ever lucky enough to ever have them created i wouldn’t tune it because of that writers strike, if people keep on watching reality shows then the networks will keep making them to save themselves, oh well perhaps after the Scott show tanks, people will realize how stupid reality tv is.
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Quoting Charmaine:
Same, I couldn’t pick his face out of a lineup if my life depended on it. Who is Scott Baio and why should I care?! (that’s rhetorical and I can just google the guy if I want, which I won’t.)
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Mr. T and Vanilla Ice have both been involved in reality TV.
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actually I just saw Mr. T doing a World of Warcraft commercial too.
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Im really surprised that artists continue to make music videos, seeing that you never ever see them. Kind of a waste of money. Dont cha think?
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Quoting Upthedownstair:
Ditto. I know too much already.
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Quoting zackmitchell:
Shows how much I pay attention, lol.
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Quoting Charmaine:
He was in Happy Days as Chach and Charles in Charge. He’s an italian stalian and was a hottie patottie back in the good ol days.. apparently he’s a huge asshole but I only know him as Chachi and could care less about the rest. tee hee
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I don’t watch TV….
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I think Scott got married a few weeks ago.
And as much as I’d like to continue with the pretentiousness, I do watch TV. Even some reality tv shows. I don’t care. We all have our “winding down” time and sometimes it’s nice to not have to think or pretend or impress people. Maybe it’s “dumbing” down, or whatever or maybe it’s just entertainment.
I don’t think knowing the impact of climate change or the fiasco in Iraq is being neglected just because I’m tuning into the Amazing Race on a Sunday night.
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I thought you were joking…. Nope
Its pretty sad that they are making this a tv show
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Quoting Tania:
You’re not the only one. I fucking adore the whole concept of the Amazing Race. Once you remove the media’s tendancy to focus on the dynamics of the different teams (who hates who, who cheats, etc), holy shit, they travel to at least 12 to 15 countires and something like 40 cities a season! If I could be on that show (I can’t…not an Americian citizen) and I would, every penny of my winnings would go to charity. That experience would be too fucking priceless for me to focus on that prize.
But that’s just me.
PS: I also watch cartoons to balance out my tendancy to sleep with CBC Newsworld on in the background. It may not be come pleatly accurate and probably biased, but it gives me something to think of before I start my day.
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Any articles that don’t make me want to kill myself?
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Reality TV killed the video star.
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Hah, I can’t be pretentious about not watching tv when all the time you’re watching tv the Internet is sucking my soul dry. =) If I’m home I’m online… or reading or trying to sleep… but mostly online.
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Hey…newsflash…
MOST people who are on a reality TV show KNOW they’re on a TV show. Therefore, their behaviour is modified simply because they’re aware that they’re NOW in front of a camera. You know, just like that guy who always makes a stupid face whenever someone is trying to take his picture with an old fashioned camera.
So in other words, in a sense, they’re acting and extremely bad at it. NOT reality. You want reality? Spy on your neighbours.
I grew up on MuchMusic and at one time thought it was the best thing in the entire world. Now? It’s a joke and not a funny one.
TV is 82% crap, and the fact that the shit they call programming is so popular makes me feel very, very, alone.
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I watch “Flavour Of Love” only because I see so much of me in the girls competing for Flavour Flave’s love - especially the one that spits on other girls.
I say let the writers strike continue - I can’t get enough of the search for America’s Best Choir!
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Reality television is a misnomer when in actuality the shows consist of real people (aka…amateur non-professional actors) in televised forced dramatic scenarios that are light years away from these peoples day-to-day real lives. Reality television already exists if you care to pay a subscription to watch regular people live their lives on their webcams on the internet. It’s a strange sociological phenomenon that classic voyeurism/exhibitionism has become de rigeur in recent years and is acceptable when packaged as entertainment.
To each their own I always say and as a free thinking individual I do not rely on televised media to enlighten, educate or inform my opinions, due to the ever-present bias of the content. Those of us who would watch documentary style, harsh-reality programming do not view television for escapism and are in the minority. Most importantly, critical thinkers are not a key demographic for advertisers as they tend to be anti-consumerism, so, the manufactured reality being offered viewers is precisely the rose-tinted picture demanded by the masses.
At the risk of coming across as an arrogant, humourless twit, I hasten to add that I do enjoy Survivor and The Amazing Race as pure mindless entertainment.
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Who gives a shit if Scott Baio is 45/50/80 and single. What a waste of air time. Reality TV is far from “REAL”. It’s scripted and edited to make a product that the producers think will sell. I have a friend that “played” the doctor on a reality show about a musical family (Canadian/Country Music) and he told me he couldn’t believe how scripted it was.
TV is a joke - it’s pathetic. I’d rather just watch movies and the odd news shows….maybe even Austin City Limits reruns….MTV unplugged? Flush the reality shows.
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Quoting Fleeter :
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Weird…it appears as though i have encapsulated my entire comment into someone else’s quote…
Anyhoo, the first paragraph belongs to the gent above my comment….I just responded to it.
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For fuck’s sake, is this what reality is? If so, check me out now.
And Tania, I appreciate your honesty - it’s refreshing.
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Quoting Miss Emily:
Since we’re admitting what we watch, I am still carrying my girl crush from Ally Mcbeal days, for Calista Flockhart.. I love the new show she’s on, Brothers and Sisters.. Not to mention, I will never lose my crush on Sodapop so I always follow him whatever show he’s on.. (Rob Lowe). Has the show What about Brian been cancelled? Can wait for the mid season replacements in the CW.. ONE TREE HILL.. GASP. I’M 36 AND STILL WATCHING HIGHSCHOOL SHOWS. AW, THAT FELT SO GOOD TO ADMIT THAT…. I NEED HELP.!!!
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P.S. can we get back to movies now? I am bursting at the seems and wanna talk about a new movie coming out… It’s with Christian Bale who is FREAKING HOT and I can’t think of the name, because I only caught the tail end of the movie.. I think Russel Crowe, who is also lookin sweeeeeet, is in the same movie.. help!!!!
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I’m a little young for Happy Days… still not going to google him.
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Charmaine, I WILL!!! Get back to ya… Will find the cutest pic of Chach. and yes, he was a total chach.. He invented the term ‘chach’.
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New Title:
Chachi turns 46 and is no longer single, gives birth to first child.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/eonline/20071209/en_celeb_eo/10c5d99718b5_47c9_a008_264fe694c479
Things change fast in Hollywood, man..
In other news:
JAMIE LYNN SPEARS IS PREGO?
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ok, now i’m getting obsessed (what else is new?) but check out this title? HA HA HA LMFAO http://tv.yahoo.com/scott-baio-is-46-and-pregnant/show/41839
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Charmaine, here ya go:
I was 10 and highly jealous of the girl on the right: http://www.imdb.com/gallery/mptv/1417/Mptv/1417/5417_0178.jpg.html?path=pgallery&path_key=Baio, Scott
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Do you know what really really sucks, more than TV itself? Because of this writers stike in Hollywood TV is going to be bombarded with more and more reality TV shows. I was in LA recently and heard a producer talk about an idea for a reality TV show where a boyfriend tries to convince his girlfriend to get breat inplants…if he convinces her then the show will pay for the procedure.
Haha bad eh, wait until you hear the name of this show…. “Rack of Love”!
I’m glad I don’t watch that much TV
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That is completely lu-dick-cris.
When Hollywood Runs out of Indians, only the Indians will know.
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I have a question:
What qualifies something as a “Reality Show”? I’ve heard “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?”, “Deal Or No Deal”, and “Fear Factor” called reality shows. Is it just me or aren’t these simply “Game Shows”? So would one label “Wheel of Fortune” or “Supermarket Sweep” a reality show now?
It should only be classified as a reality show if it somehow involves people that do not know they are on camera. Otherwise it’s just as fake as “According To Jim”.
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I don’t have much faith in humanity as it is. Even if there were shows like the ones you came up with, I’m sure people would simply see them as entertainment. Just like news networks, they have made news “entertaining”, with flashy titles and crazy visual sequences. Most people don’t seem to care about reality, they just don’t want to have to get off their asses and deal with it, or even acknoledge it, and it’s sad.
P.S- On a much happier note, I want to tell you that I love your work, your music is amazing. I listen to Hospital Music every day. I saw you perform in Belleville and you were incredible :) You’re a wonderful performer :)
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All I watch now is the History Channel, NGEO and CNN.. oh and the occasional Matt Good video. I spend most of my nights cooking, cleaning, talking to my family and friends. Then I take my tired ass to the shower and then to bed to watch a movie till I fall asleep.. and thats this holiday season, I just baked roughly 17 dozen cookie and am making a turkey for the fire….
I need a mind numbing show..
Matt, you should really make a show for the internet! I would so subscribe! All the proceeds go to Amnesty International!
Poor Matt, he has enough on his plate..