According to a recent study…
“Taking exercise, drinking moderately, eating sufficient fruit and vegetables and not smoking can add as much as 14 years to your life.”
The research behind the report included 20,000 people and took over a decade. Its conclusions were that those who failed to do all of the above were four times more likely to have died earlier.
Call me crazy, but I just can’t get behind this. Here’s why…
Exercise
Exercise is overrated. Millions of people go to the gym, partake in countless physical activities, and where has it gotten them?
Nowhere! Besides maybe adding 14 years to their lives, but that’s neither here nor there.
Just think of what you could be doing with your time rather than exercising…
1) Watching other people exercise with a nice spiked coffee.
2) Dreaming of exercising only to awake to find that it’s 2 in the afternoon, you’re in bed, comfortable, and not exhausted from exercising.
3) Having sex – which is better than jogging or a stair master if you do it right.
4) Eating totally greasy, yet utterly delicious, food and ‘food-like’ products.
5) Writing about not exercising while chain smoking and contemplating ordering MSG packed Chinese food.
Drinking Moderately
I actually agree with this. Not because the consumption of too much alcohol is bad for your health, just that it makes people stupid, which is bad for mine.
Eating Sufficient Fruits And Vegetables
I like fruit, it’s easy to eat and you don’t have to cook it. I like vegetables, but unlike fruit you have to cook a lot of them, which is a huge hassle.
True, there are a lot of vegetables that can be eaten raw, but without a massive amount of dip what’s really the point?
Smoking
Smoking is a horrible and disgusting habit that harms not only the smoker but also those around them. Which is precisely the reason why you should be allowed to smoke on airplanes, in doctor’s offices, hospitals, preschools, and Lamaze classes.
14 Extra Years
So, you’ll get an extra 14 years. And do you know what you’ll be doing during most of them? Ridding one of these to bingo…
…and bitching about still being alive.
