It’s over. Having come to the conclusion that music is a dead end proposition, me and a few other musicians have decided to join the internet-porn revolution, which isn’t actually a revolution given that it’s been the foremost purpose of the internet for years.
As some of you are aware, I have broached this subject in the past, but after watching Knocked Up again last night, have come to the conclusion that a handful of musicians living together in a house attempting to come up with a unique web porn idea sounds a lot more fun than pretty much anything else I can think of.
I, of course, will play the role of the guy from Vancouver.
Sure, we’ll sit by the pool and play guitar and write songs, but we’ll just do it to impress chicks. None of that recording or touring crap.
Earlier today, Pete and I put our thinking caps on and had a bit of a brainstorming session. Of course, we didn’t come up with anything, but that’s to be expected. It’s only a matter of time before we do, and you can bet your bottom dollar that it will somehow involve clowns.
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Clowns, balloons, and chicks wrestling in butt-floss.
There you go! Your recipe for success!
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Dont taint porn with clowns! ack! What about acrobats?
*edited
If you had clowns, the music would go from:
Boomchaboomboom… to that freaky circus clown music.. would throw off the *rythym* of the beautiful porn scene..
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oh my god…* shakes her head* ..hahha This sounds like something my roomate and I would discuss…
now, if you dont mind - I have to get back to my internet porn.
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Quoting hopeforchange:
What about acrobatic clowns? I’m sure their flexibility would make things more interesting with the wrestling women.
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Quoting Eva:
The whole clown thing.. is just bleh. Now if they were Cirque de ‘Soliel clowns! There you go.. then you can let your imagination run wild.. sexaay
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Quoting hopeforchange:
Ahhh, yes! Excellent idea! The fine line between classy porn and B-grade porn. maybe add some pretty sparkle on the thongs too.
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Yes.. glitter is most important.. you must have lots of glitter.. Bedazzled G-strings for the win!
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What about an LA poolside jam with Pete or perhaps he’ll show up at the Hotel Cafe? Lookin’ forward to the show.
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Quoting hopeforchange:
Damn! I’ve always wanted a Bedazzler. :-p
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You must get one..
What about a guy who dresses as Ziggy Stardust and a Cirque de Soliel girl for the main lead?
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And somehow there is this wonderful acoustic guitar playing “Send in the Clowns” while Ziggy and Cirque make acrobatic love on the trampoline.
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Now we got it.. thats a good idea. Is sex on a trampoline like being in a water bed? hmm.. Could make things interesting.. Oh.. we must add baby oil..
Matt, WE demand baby oil!! And TONS of bedazzled g-strings!
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What about Jell-o? Or would that not mix well with the baby oil?
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It would mix well, but you cant consume it..thats all. But, speaking first hand here, use a yellow or orange one.. otherwise it stains the skin..Kind of hard to explain to the boss why you look like the blue girl from Farscape… Unless you want them to look like space aliens? Now thats a whole new Idea..
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Well, isn’t Ziggy from outer-space anyway??
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He is. But he also could be a split of a personality disorder.. so therefor not from space, but mindspace.
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I think you should just gradually change matthewgood.org to a porn site. Maybe one day you’ll post a “babe of the day” or change the site’s name to a more porn-friendly title (you can make the excuse that it’s just the name of your next album), and just slowly up the ante until it’s a full blown porn site.
I mean, you already have plenty of visitors, you might as well take advantage of that.
“Fox turned into a soft core porn channel so gradually I didn’t even notice” -Marge Simpson (in the future)
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Quoting Pew89:
Thats a great Idea! See I have a bedazzler, you must google if you dont know what one is.. and I can make the strings for Matts.. call it a membership card.. heh
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Way ahead of you guys, excepting that the pool right now is just an ice fishin’ hole.
I don’t know what the site rules say about linking girl-on-care-bear-w-strapon-porn so.
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if i were part of the visioning i would have VETO’d the whole clown idea because they are just plain creepy. Could be a large chunk of your revenue gone right there.
Unless ‘clowns’ is a synonym for ‘muscians,’ which is why you’d play the ‘guy from vancouver.’
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Man, the internet porn game is so played out. If you’re tired of making music, put a rap album out. Then next year, go to the GRAMMY awards and clean up. Juno awards be damned! Go against the grain. Listen to me, not the overwhelming and probably bedazzled majority!
Or, you could do what Henry Rollins did, and get a TV show. Think about it.
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You might as well go for it, seeing what the Catholic Church posted on their sign already, your bound to be damned anyways!!
baby oil… ;)
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Have you considered creating a site that catalogues the nude scenes of every actress in existence? No clowns involved, but I think it’s golden.
To help you out, I can play the role of the slightly neurotic blonde who drinks herself irresponsible and gets knocked up by Pete. Wait, what? Nothing.
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Quoting hopeforchange:
Yeeeeeeeeouch!
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Aaaaaaaaaaaw, the movie Knocked Up roooooooooocks…. omg omg, I can’t say enough good hot, nor steamy things about Seth Rogen,the dude just friggin heats up every scene… Even in Superbad.. not all Red head guys can pull of sexiness besides Michael Rappaport but that dude got it going ooooooooooown..
Matt, good pic.. is that your movie collection I see back there? I want your kitchen, it’s gorgeous…
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Quoting k-e-t:
I thought Pete was David Grohl for a second, when I looked really quickly……..
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any type of porn with clowns would be golden, only to be surpassed by porn with midgets dressed as clowns.
bow chikca bow wow.
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Internet porn involving clowns…I’m kind of aroused ;-)
I can tell that it’ll be a hit… you can start thinking of retiring now :D
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As long as there’s monkeys and some bowling I will watch. I will also need a guarantee of no FFN (Full-frontal nudity).
Most of all, I’m looking forward to the re-release of the entire Matt Good library “The Porn Versions” as the soundtrack - with extra whammy bar and over-the-top poppin’ bass riffs to accompany all the grinding and bumping.
This is gonna be better than the new Indiana Jones movie.
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Quoting T-Lee:
Got a Sam Roberts vibe there, which… well… yeaaaah.
/fangirl swooning
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Knocked Up?
AGAIN??? (as in you watched more than once?)
dude
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The first thing that went through my mind was balloon animals and clown porn. I bet there would be some clowns that could put Ron Jeremy to shame! ( shuddering)
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How DARE YOU diss the almighty RON!
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My sister is a clown, and clowns used to scare the crap out of me. I’ve met some of her clown friends and I don’t recall any named Skanky or John or for that matter any with a moustache but I do recall a few with very big feet. Great idea though, making porn funnier than it already is.
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you can call it: cirque de so-laid
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Quoting wsw:
*giggles* I love it!!!
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you could do one involving Pterodactyls… oh wait that already exists. sorry, reason why i wasnt part of the visioning - no imagination.
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Since clowns are inherently terrifying, I think you have an excellent niche market in the BDSM crowd.
Cirque du Soleil Clown BDSM, natch. With condom balloon animals.
…
I think I just guaranteed myself a terrifying sex dream tonight.
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thats funny. I watch very few movies, however that may the last one the wife and I watched. She and I thoroughly enjoyed it:-)
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Speaking of revelations, I had the most bizarre dream I thought I might share with you.
I dreamt that you posted an entry on your blog, where you conceded that you’d been saving these spools of various strings from the old days of the Matthew Good Band; spools from which the band would pull pieces from after shows. And each of you would throw these pieces into the crowd as souvenirs.
In one brilliant final public display that the band of old was dead as a doornail, you decided to take these spools and put them in a box. That box would have signed statements on it from each band member, but you’d be the only one not using a thinly-devised pseudonym.
You’d then confess to have recently buried this box somewhere in the Greater Vancouver area, and then encouraged readers to take a shovel and possibly sonar with them should they be so inclined to hunt for “treasure.”
But the post would be so sincerely worded (despite having an air of tongue-in-cheek) that it seemed some people would take it seriously.
I’ve never taken hard drugs, and never will- but for now on I’m going to lock my door extra tight in case someone’s been slipping acid on me while I sleep. Though I am quite disappointed that my dream did not involve clowns or pornography. Maybe next time.
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dude! who knew you and pete were friends! i sure didn’t…back a few years ago when you both played in sarnia it was one of the coolest days ever, cause I saw you both play on the same day. pete’s a cool guy as i’ve talked to him a few times after shows and had a beer with him…
awesome entry matt, hilarious!
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Quoting D. Lilly:
There just something about it, Dan…. no one can explain it…. really. Go on, give it a whirl.
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Ew. I’m vehemently opposed to clowns; however, if you and Pete can rig up something involving internet porn where they get voted off the sex chair, I’m willing to listen. But the thing about you playing a guy from Vancouver though? Yeah, no one is gonna buy that… ahem.
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I have to admit it is kind of bizarre to see two of my favorite songwriters chatting in the same picture. I guess that means you got iChat to work? I am going to give you guys the straight and narrow on this one though… I really don’t think internet porn needs another Edward Tufte inspired white-spaced based design. I’m sorry.
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Quoting aketch:
I was wondering where the connection was. Personally I thought it was quite random…but low and behold it was that fateful day. Also quite random: I was basically looping My Life as a Circus Clown on my iPod at work today before I read this post. :P
Matt, this collaboration with Pete Yorn sounds a lot like the show Big Brother, only backstage at The Rolling Stones Rock and Roll Circus with a web cam. I love it. :D
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I wasn’t aware that you and Pete knew each other. until I scrolled down to see the web screen shot of the ichat, I thought you were in deep discussion with your dog. my unfondness of clowns (ever since reading “IT”) has relapsed after seeing a few episodes of jpod featuring a fast food character clown named Chuckles. if you can make clowns sexy, you’ve hit a goldmine. if the porn idea falls through, get Pete on the bongos and write a song about it.
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Wow, guys, I didn’t know that Matt and Cat Stevens knew each other. Pretty neat!
p.s. My favorite line from Knocked Up: “Aaaahhhhh! I feel everything!!!!”
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doooo! excellent to see you and pete are friends. just saw him again in norfolk - excellent show. how about showing up on each other’s recordings???
oooo, clowns? really? don’t most people find clowns to be just… umm… disturbing?
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Come on guys! Best porn movie ever? ORGAZMO hands down…it would be hard to beat IMO.
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What do you call a chick flick (romantic comedy) that is seamlessly merged with a dude flick (teen movie)?
A pot of gold (knocked up)
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hey bruiseviolet!
do you and your roomate(if your roomate is a female) need a
guy for your movies?ha,ha