Yes, it’s time to party. And it’s going to be a bash of epic proportions to boot. But before you book the hottest lounge in town to host the event, there are some things to consider…
First – your legal fees. Chances are that your lawyer made out like a bandit. Because only 5% of divorces actually go to court, the entire process of the division of assets was done by way of negotiation, costing you tens of thousands because you were too floored at the amount that she asked for in the first place, though ultimately got. Given that this is Canada, and that the Family Act of each Province governs that part of the process, nothing is safe. Your corporate assets were fair game, your off shore accounts were fair game, your vintage Camaro that she detested but suddenly fell in love with after the fact was fair game.
So, at the end of the day, you’ve lost, if you’re lucky, only 60% of your entire worth. Never mind the years you busted your ass to make it, that’s all in the past now and it’s best to forget it – at least that’s what your attorney told you, though they did do it during a meeting that was costing you $500 bucks an hour.
You still have to wait a year for the Federal Divorce Act aspect of the disaster to be completed, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t celebrate, right? After all, it’s better than sitting in an empty house crying over photographs of the 1967 Camaro that you spent 12 years of your life restoring to mint condition only to loose to someone that hated the fact that you spent so much time doing it, even though she was only around for the last two years of work. Who knows, maybe she just wanted it so that she could burn it to the ground? But hey, instead of curling up into a ball on the floor, you’re going to throw a party.
After all, you’re free, right? Well, except for the fact that you’ve had to default on the lease of your business vehicle because you can’t afford it, consolidated your debt with your bank into a single monthly payment in hopes of getting back on your feet within the next five to ten years, and having to tell your parents that you can’t afford to pay the rent on the condo that they moved into after they retired. Besides that, everything’s fine. You’re still alive, after all. I mean, you may have lost your job because of the depression that you went into during the whole thing, but there are other jobs out there.
So back to this party…
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Depressing… :-(
People should not be allowed to take away what others worked to receive… whether they were married to the person or not, they do not own it.
I never want to get divorced, which is one of the many reasons I never want to get married in the first place.
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the camero bit. seriously?!?!? that’s effin bullshit.
that’s all effin bullshit.
crap man :S
craaaaaaaap!
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Love is grand….Divorce is usually a few hundred grand..As for the camaro…I’m selling a 69 fully restored SS
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I need to get divorced but I can’t afford it. Fortunately there’s nothing for me to lose when the time comes.
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Um, this is just a joke, just a little humour.
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*sigh* oh…good, I actually thought it was real. Omit my previous comment then.
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Yes, it is unfortunate that when two people end a relationship, the one to walk away with the least is usually the one who contributed the most -financially speaking of course :) Party On!
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lol…
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In that case, I’m bringing the party hats and kazoos.
That’s right, kazoos.
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Well I was fucking pissing myself by myself then.
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Quoting Matthew Good:
As it states in the tags…
…. those little blurbs you have to put up make me feel stupid haha
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A friend of mine got fired today after working at a place for 12 years, kinda like a divorce they just said “his performance was not what were looking for ” and escorted him out of the store he worked in for the past 6 months…i feel so bad for him . All they offered him is 1 month of pay , there’s so much things that piss me off in this world , Nobody values loyalty anymore. Well Matt i can tell you this , i proud to say that i’m always going to be a fan of yours , have been for 12 years and will be for a long time. I’ve bought all of youre cd’s twice when they come out so you can get more sales and go see you whenever i have a chance. From what i read on this site on a daily basis i’m not the only one , thanks for youre music and ramblings !
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Well…what ABOUT this party?! I’m listening. :P
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Maybe the congratulations is being sent out to the party girls. I know some nice girls who walked away from everything they worked for just to get away. I guess it’s all about bad choices. I myself can’t imagine celebrating the death of love. In this case a person should celebrate not wasting their life with someone who’s all about stuff. Some people have to be paid alot to leave. Stuff won’t keep you warm or fill your heart just looking at it. Parents hate to see their children hurting more than what they would ever have to sacrifice and I’m a firm believer in karma and a firm believer in love. Actually, sometimes the loser is really the winner.
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If you don’t throw that party, how on earth are you going to meet the hot 19-year-old with the body that only youth and a childhood spent ice skating could have given her?
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I can see the party now…. all the decorations, paper plates and coordinating plastic table cloth are from the dollar store. Of course all the appetizers will be in miniature, mini cocktail weenies, mini gherkins and the little ketchup packets that the women went to McDonalds and stuffed into their purses. Of course you’re only allowed to have one of each because that one can has to feed all 500 of you. Although you have looked into a possible cake, you’ve just gotten a tip that the local grocery store has made a serious error and instead of writing “Happy Birthday Bob” they put “Happy Retirement Bob” and while it’s not good for Bob, you’ve just scored your party a cake for 50% off. Besides you could look at it as retiring from the business of marriage and I’m sure someone at the party is named Bob and you’ve just made his freaking day.
Unfortunately tomorrow his car is getting reposessed and the bank is foreclosing on the house but that’s tomorrow, tonight it’s time to par-tay like when you were single in 1999.
This was great, thanks for posting. What would I do if I couldn’t be sarcastic?
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ha ha ha ..
well since the only car I’ve ever owned was a Camaro and since I totally gotta have the one from the Transformers movie (no, not Bumblebee, the new one!!), I would drop kick anyone’s ass that tried taking my Camaro away… still that was hilarious.
For those who have me as a friend on Facebook, you can find me sitting on my new car, days after I got it home, in the album ‘Peach fest 91…. 19 YEARS AGO!!! …….. yes, that was definately when we were saying ‘the partae starts NOW!!!!!’. LOL
good post, M
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Quoting matthewstevenson:
how much? ha ha. i’m not planning on buying a ‘69 camaro til i’ve got the ‘09 and a ‘67 impala, but i could be persuaded to change my order of cars…
and that said, i’m sure there’s a cliche saying something like the more you’ve got, the more you’ve got to lose… and then there’s “what’s yours is mine for the taking”… the key is to become common law partners i guess, although that would foil my backup plan of marrying rich if i can’t figure out what i want to do in my life… hmmm
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Bolivians don’t “divorce”, they just split up unless they’re wealthy. My wife is Bolivian and that’s the culture she knows. So imagine her surprise when I explained a few years ago that if we got divorced I would not only have to give her support payments but that at least half my retirement would go to her.
I’m such an idiot!
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Quoting that girl:
That girl have you seen the new one in the movie Transformers? omg so hot!!!!!!
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too funny. way to keep me that much farther from commitment :P
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let out the frustration anytime, it’s good to laugh about it after the fact, that shows healing took place.
I remember being very upset over writing some stupid 8 page letter to my ex’s family (it was my first gf and I really though I was doing a good thing telling them this stuff). I was devastated by their reaction ( clearly they didn’t like it ).
After time I healed and later we read it aloud in our room, with chips and beer, a few friends and I. They laughed and said it was just like a Work Term Report (Thanks to UWaterloo for the inspiration).
The humour is in the truth. There’s truth in what you said. Divorce is in my family (not just my parents), so I’ve tried to pay attention and learn as much as I can as to what went wrong to try to avoid that.
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Quoting T-Lee:
yes, yes i have. i’m actually *fingers crossed* going to get a job with a chevy dealership doing marketing, which would mean i get to look at it a LOT! i’m normally a total girly girl, but i’ve come to realize that i like cars. but only chevys (and a few other ones from the gm family).
btw, the convertible version will be out in 2010…
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I’m down for a par-tay!!!
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Bwahahha…i found that amusing… I mean, I laugh but it is sad how that really happens…
Still, I have a smirk on my face.
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I really want to laugh at this one, and I know you mean well, but I’m sorry, it was really depressing. :(
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i’ve known people that has happen to….it’s no fun.very sad en fact.
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Quoting that girl:
Sweeeeeeeeeeeet!!!..I will have another one of those babies some day.. and call it Bumblebee no matter the colour… God, it just may be yellow, that is my favourite colour.
For the record kids: that pic on my facebook of me and my camaro: that baby did not see me ever making out on the hood, like Shae and Megan did in the movie.. ha ha the things we look back and wish we did, eh?
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i still think it’s crappy about the camero :(
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Am I spelling it wrong?
Camaro? Camero?
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Quoting matthewstevenson:
drool….
I wish I was a famous rock star so I could afford to take it off your hands!
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Quoting T-Lee:
No you are right… Camaro
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I’m all for getting Hammered for a good cause.
Then we could roll to the her house, and steal the Camaro! I’ve got a 1979 Ford F-100 sitting in the driveway we can ram through the garage door the broad has it stashed in and take it for the joyride of all joyrides. I’m talking of the “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” variety! Then after we pound more booze while doing the soulja boy dance (or whatever dance/rap “song” is the flavour of that week.) Then we hire hackers to put all of the money she stole, YES I SAID STOLE, back where it came from. Then we pound more booze, eat some steak and eggs, because by that time, it’ll be at least four in the morning. Then we take about a 7 hour power nap, then we start it all over again!
I should be a party planner.
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Quoting angelboo:
Dude, it’s 1am……………. work tomorrow……
Big sis says ‘lights out, uh huh’
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Quoting Insaniquarium-Karl:
LMFAO!!!!!
I’m glad you said you would pound booze after you drove….. I was about to arrest you.
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Quoting T-Lee:
i was going to say something about the mis-spelling (i used to be an editor at a publishing company), but thought i’d try and overlook it. but then people kept mis-spelling it too… but yeah, it’s camaro
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Obviously this is humor as a real Camero owner would know how to spell it correctly. And a 1967??? The good Camaro years were 68 through 71. We should have a section for gearheads that are also MG fans. I love listening to Matt’s music while in the garage working on the cars. I must have listened to Underdogs and Avalanche over 500 hours while restoring a 69 SS 427 and a 70 440 Challenger. Great music to wet sand to. I just put the CD’s on repeat and go. Before you know it is 1am and you started at 6pm after work! Time goes fast when you have your favorite music going while enjoying your favorite hobbies! I collect mint muscle cars and also restore some but each one has a MG album to go along with it’s story. From listening to Ray Gun over and over traveling from Dallas to Phoenix to pick up a 1966 427 Triple Black mint Vette to listening to Hospital Music this summer in the garage building a Pro Street 1970 Camaro SS 396 with a 502 in it, or just waxing my new 07 Z Vette for the weekend car shows. Great music to sing along with while having fun. Kind of a soundtrack for your life. Thanks Matt!
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do we have to have a divorce to have a divorce party? sounds like it could be a tear.
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Quoting Patrick Pitt:
Your walking papers are your ticket in the door!!!
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It’s a joke… but it’s pretty spot on. I’m curious to see what Paul McCartney’s ex Heather Mills will be getting from his fortune. I think it’s sick that it’s even possible she’d get anything, let alone potentially millions and millions of dollars from which he earned long before they were ever married. He offered her millions (not sure how much) in a settlement but apparently it’s not enough. She needs more.
Although I’ve never gone through a divorce (other than as a kid with divorced parents) this whole give her half of everything system really is a sore spot for me. It makes me so angry. How often can the man take half of what the woman earns in this so called day of equality among the sexes? How many self respecting men would?
Paying child support is one thing, and it should be expected of whichever parent no longer has the children. But paying for the woman (who is capable of working and in fact is probably doing so) and giving her half your stuff is so fucking sick that it makes me see red.
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i’d find this entry funny, but I lost my sense of humour in the divorce
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“..12 years of your life restoring to mint condition only to loose to someone that hated the fact..”
Lose… not loose, Matt.
:)
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re: halifax redemption:
“How often can the man take half of what the woman earns in this so called day of equality among the sexes? How many self respecting men would? “
Well, as a woman on the other side who made the money and got screwed out of child support for life by her ex who left her with a 100 G gambling debt and all the lawyers fees, i can quite honestly say it isn’t “the man” who gets screwed, it is whoever makes more money
yes, child support is one thing, and never recieving it ain’t fun
(insert serious comment for a second)
my heart bleeds for sir paul; i am sure he will end up in a basement apartment with his mere 1 trillion left;
perhaps if rich men didn’t married more than a trophy they wouldn’t end up burned — centuries have taught them otherwise and they don’t learn
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Quoting entropy71:
You are the very rare exception, I am sure of that, Entrophy. It’s unfortunate that you married a loser and I don’t think that you should have had to pay any of his gambling debts.
You are just using that ridiculous argument that if he’s rich he deserves to be screwed over. And you are using it because you are apparently bitter (by the tone of your response). All that aside, in my opinion she is not entitled to any amount of his fortune, great or small. Unless she contributed to it in some way. The amount of his money is not the issue. It’s clearly what has put it all in the news so much, along with his fame. My argument is, she did nothing to contribute to the fortune. Why should she be entitled to any of it? Does she even need it? No. She should have happily took the millions he offered and fucked off. But she is bitter, wants to make an example and get more than she deserves. It’s a story we hear far to often, in both rich couples and normal every day couples.
Thankfully, there are people like you who want to continue to try and teach the lesson that the rich man should get screwed over for marrying a pretty trophy wife. What bastards they all are for wanting to have a pretty wife.
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lol @ tracy! funny, i noticed that and “camero” right off the bat…..
matt, its not like you to have spelling mistakes!
but, alas, we loyal readers are quick to point them out haha!
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Bitter? LOL. God if you only knew me.
But that is just it, you don’t know me. Or them. I wasn’t aware the rich man/trophy wife was a “lesson” to be learned. Perhaps it will become a parable.
I am not using any “argument”. We aren’t in debate class or court; we are on a website, and i can have an opinion.
I will ensure my tone is more amenable to you next time.
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entropy71
I still cannot see how the legal system allows another persons debts to be transfered to the other partner.My wife shafted me big time but thankfully didnt accrue any debts while she was drinking and popping.I feel for ya…..bitter ??????….freakin right we are !!!!!!!
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Quoting Semper Fi:
Sweeeeeeeeet, I’m drooling as I read that….. Dude, if you’re married, you have a very cool wife!!!!!
My husband never has tunes on when he’s workin in the garage on his cars. You just totally gave me an idea for this old sound system we just have sitting in the basement.. Thanks man!!!!
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It really sucks when you have to take on paying half of someone else’s credit debt….can’t afford to……banks won’t touch you to give you a consolidation loan….options,,,ummm, consumer proposal if you have less than $75,000 of credit debt, (not including your mortgage) or bankruptcy. In which case you lose your home to go live in a shitty apartment (if you can find one) and pay more money in rent then you were paying for your mortgage! Oh, and then there’s that little matter of custody of the children…..
Where did you say that party was?? Ummmm, Sudbury? Please, pretty please with cherries on top:)
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for those who’ve managed to avoid such things, we should have a happily never married party. i know there is an appetite out there for it.
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Quoting andyb:
thank you for saying that, its been a rough road — that ended in supreme court and is going to trial in the fall — long story short, the kicker is, i was only aware of a portion of the gambling debt when we officially separated (and i assumed it entire for the equity in the house, what i thought was “fair”).
He declared bankruptcy 6 months later for another 94K of personal debt he hid from me that included money that was .. well… taken. We had a house (that i payed for exclusively for the last 2 years) with quite a bit of equity in it. Bottom line is in Ontario, a bankruptcy trustee can overturn an asset within a year of separation.
Long story, i may retain my house but i will never see a dime of child support for my daughter.
However, we all make mistakes, and i made mine — i just wanted what was fair and well, a divorce from him for a new life for whiich he wouldn’t “Grant” me in collaborative law, so court was the end of the road for me. when all is said and done, all of my retirement money will have gone to legal fees and we aren’t even close to done
thing is? i am happier than i have ever been in the 13 years we were married; i’m lucky i guess, i have an education, a good job and a good family, a new mate who is a great man with integrity and a good heart — divorce can devestate so many, and it is so insane that so many end up paying for the life of another
however, there isn’t much choice but to suck it up and move on for your children and for yourself, or you end up placing them in a bitter battle — i’d rather loose every dime i ever earned than allow that to happen. its my job to care for her, and give her peace of mind
i decided this is the beginning of the rest of my life - -the only thing worse than loosing my house and all i have worked for? still being married to him.
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Remember how you had a wedding and that was a party? When you get divorced, you should throw yourself an even better party…. because you’ve seen the light. And the obtaining of knowledge should be celebrated.
I threw myself a banging divorce party. The divorce certificate was scanned and made into invitations, and I had a “divorce” cake. The party was better than the wedding, because his family wasn’t there to ruin it.
You can also call it a freedom party.