Migraines are terrible, and I’ve only recently gotten mine under control. I have a hard enough time with them, I can’t imagine trying to cope with them in the public eye. People love to latch onto the slightest thing, and I can’t imagine trying to explain “no, really, I can’t see out of the left half of my face, or feel the right” to a troupe of bloodthirsty media junkies. Kudos to you for being so forthright with your struggles. I know there are many it gives strength to.

You rock Matt.

Have you ever had an inkling that you could suffer from bipolarity or at least depression?

You look really good nowadays, believe me. Very delicious. And I’m sure 99% of the women on here would agree with me.

Just make sure your hair doesn’t get too long.

Funny, I was just listening to Mermaid Avenue this morning!

I remember thinking about and trying to understand mental illness when I was fairly young.
The concept was foreign to me and I wondered about how such a thing could even exist.

I ended up suffering from a host of severe and debilitating social anxieties through my teens and early twenties, and now have a pretty good understanding of the varying degrees of mental illness and how they can manifest.

I’ve managed to avoid a life of pills to keep myself in check, but had I not managed to keep from going into that downward spiral, thing most likely would have been different.
I do consider myself lucky, as many, many others were not so fortunate and their lives in ruin as proof.

Music was my solace, and seemingly kept from going over the edge at times, thanx for that BTW.

One thing I learned that helped tremendously in regards to social anxiety, I looked the people who judge others based on trivial attributes such as status and outward appearance are truly the ones who are in need of help, and are simply a product of the standards from a broken society.

Thanks for sharing. Stories such as this are like medicine for me. I’ve suffered from depression my entire adult life, and from migraines even longer than that. As he writes in his article, the migraines are easy to talk about, more easily accepted… the depression, not so much. That’s why, as others above have noted, it’s so important to have people, especially those in the public eye, speak about their experiences. I know I’m not alone– rationally, I know there are millions of others like me– but damned if I don’t feel isolated in what I’m going through much of the time. It helps to have that reminder from time to time.

There will always be people who don’t understand. I blogged about my depression a couple of times and was told by one particularly ignorant and cruel individual (those adjectives chosen based on lengthy observation of her interaction with others online) to “keep your disgusting illness to yourself, no one cares.” With people like her in the world, it’s no wonder people keep things to themselves.

People are so quick to criticize others, but they rarely (if ever) know the whole story… nor do they really want to. Understanding takes time. Snap, unwavering judgments are easy.

Jeff Tweedy has my utmost respect. As do you, Matt.

Jeff Tweedy is absolutely incredible. The I Am Trying to Break Your Heart is a great look at one of the best albums of this decade and how it almost didn’t come to be, and provides a bit of a look into Jeff Tweedy’s condition at that time. In fact, there’s a scene where the camerman is peering over the bathroom stall that Tweedy is throwing up in. Chuck Klosterman also wrote a great article around the time when A Ghost is Born talking about the album and Tweedy’s problems. It takes a lot of guts to come out and talk about these problems, and I commend him, and of course Matt for choosing to be so open about it.

Talking about experiences with issues such as mental illnesses can be important. It can help to break the misconceptions that many hold about certain conditions… and hopefully the education can help break the judgments that others put upon those with mental illnesses.

134 lbs and 6″ tall… that’s scary Matthew. I’m glad that you’re at a healthy weight now.

I wish I was as fat as you. I haven’t weighed 180 in 20 years.

What I have seen by you and others, such as Tweedy speaking out about your conditions is that many people have been able to see themselves and realize that their is relief to their struggles. People, especially young people, listen to people they admire more than family or health care professionals. They trust you. When you tell them you have health issues, that there is help, and how to get it, they do.

Then hopefully there is supportive family and good health care for the needed “hands on” help.

Some of the best songwriters in the world have some sort of disorder, biochemical imbalance, a substance abuse problem, or a really rough life of some sort (such as NWA’s rants).

All of these things can crush you, but the best musicians channel that negativity into creativity, possibly without realizing that the intent is to stay alive.

I believe it was one of the Barenaked Ladies who said “our best work comes from when we are at our worst”.

Personally, I think John Denver was a hell of a song writer (and pretty good rhythm guitarist and singer) and he battled alcoholism.

There’s always some sort of battle to face and it is how we deal with it that matters.

I have only recently come to grips with my anxiety. It took a full out nervous breakdown in order for me to recognize exactly what it was that I suffered from. Since it makes its presence felt mostly when I’m depressed, I could never separate it from depression, and as such I could never isolate and deal with it appropriately.

About six months ago I moved to Montreal, on a whim, really, because I felt I needed a change from Kitchener, ON. My uncle helped me with work to get me started off, and I had the wonderful privilege of being the first Anglo employee this company had ever hired (I’m only being a little facetious, I really did, and still do, consider it a privilege to be hired by a French company when your French is far less than passable). I moved into a single room apartment, which I dug, thought it was a nice pad to launch some of my writing from. Artist’s dive. To top it off, my three closest friends were attending university in the Unreal City, so I had some kind of established roots.

In January I was fired for something I allegedly said on my blog. They fired me illegally, but since this is such a common practice in Quebec the courts are constipated with these kinds of cases; it would take eternity and some before my case would possibly be heard out in court. I tried to get a job that wasn’t telemarketing but my poor French was a limiting factor, so I resorted to welfare. After being dehumanized by the process (I additionally witnessed someone very evidently mentally disturbed get tasered by security when he threatened to kill himself by slashing his wrists with a broken pasta can), I returned home (which became infested with bed bugs) for a month where I would go crazy.

It started with the onset of situational helplessness but quickly developed into the obsessive deconstruction of my life, the people in it, society etc. I became afraid of my best friend, reading so much into his every gesture. Actually, I worried myself fearful of everything. I was afraid to tell anyone that I loved the kind of state that I was in. My thought process went something like, “What if this is just seasonal depression? What if I’ve done too many drugs and I’ve lost my mind? I should call somebody. I want to talk to somebody so bad. Am I in the state to talk to somebody? Would I be imposing? I know these people love me, but when does it go from talking to somebody about something wrong and smothering them with your grief? I love these people too much to have them worrying about me. Do I love these people, or am I just using them as a crutch to support my wanton desires and fragile ego? Do they actually love me, or did I just muscle my way into their lives and they’re afraid to tell me otherwise? Is this normal? What if I’m becoming one of those people?” I’d spend the night awake, crying and vomiting, and then I’d sleep until four or five the next day and start again. I completely isolated myself from everybody, except my mother who’s in the habit of calling me every night, and even then I put on a smiley face so she wouldn’t think something was wrong.

A couple of weeks ago I cracked. I had no money, I had no food, I had nocturnal insects in all of my things that I was watching eat me alive every night and I hadn’t had the meaningful kind of contact that I’d desired in weeks. I called my mother and begged her to send me money for a ticket home.

I’m here now, in Kitchener. I feel lots better. When I was catching up on the Penny Arcade archives, actually, I caught a post that Gabe did detailing his anxiety problem. Reading that I was able to say, “Yes, I have anxiety attacks.” Coming to that understanding, I’ve been able to see several other anxiety attacks I’ve had in my life. Thankfully, they aren’t that frequent (but when they happen they’re severe, the last one lasted a whole month), but I understand what it means to have anxiety issues.

I think for me the big fear was actually that it would be something more severe than anxiety; my family has a history of both bipolar and schizophrenia.

Either way, thanks for sharing that.

Yes, yes it is. It’s the avatar I’ve been using online for the last seven years. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland has been my favourite book since I was little, and think the McGee incarnation was brilliant.

Heh… interesting.
I’ve always been skinny like a rail too, and thought it mostly had to do with a fast metabolism, but given that I’ve had issues with both anxiety and depression for a long time, I guess it makes sense that that might have had something to do with it.

Anyway, good on him for writing about this.

Quoting A.DarkskiesMD:

I have only recently come to grips with my anxiety. It took a full out nervous breakdown in order for me to recognize exactly what it was that I suffered from. Since it makes its presence felt mostly when I’m depressed, I could never separate it from depression, and as such I could never isolate and deal with it appropriately.

About six months ago I moved to Montreal, on a whim, really, because I felt I needed a change from Kitchener, ON. My uncle helped me with work to get me started off, and I had the wonderful privilege of being the first Anglo employee this company had ever hired (I’m only being a little facetious, I really did, and still do, consider it a privilege to be hired by a French company when your French is far less than passable). I moved into a single room apartment, which I dug, thought it was a nice pad to launch some of my writing from. Artist’s dive. To top it off, my three closest friends were attending university in the Unreal City, so I had some kind of established roots.

In January I was fired for something I allegedly said on my blog. They fired me illegally, but since this is such a common practice in Quebec the courts are constipated with these kinds of cases; it would take eternity and some before my case would possibly be heard out in court. I tried to get a job that wasn’t telemarketing but my poor French was a limiting factor, so I resorted to welfare. After being dehumanized by the process (I additionally witnessed someone very evidently mentally disturbed get tasered by security when he threatened to kill himself by slashing his wrists with a broken pasta can), I returned home (which became infested with bed bugs) for a month where I would go crazy.

It started with the onset of situational helplessness but quickly developed into the obsessive deconstruction of my life, the people in it, society etc. I became afraid of my best friend, reading so much into his every gesture. Actually, I worried myself fearful of everything. I was afraid to tell anyone that I loved the kind of state that I was in. My thought process went something like, “What if this is just seasonal depression? What if I’ve done too many drugs and I’ve lost my mind? I should call somebody. I want to talk to somebody so bad. Am I in the state to talk to somebody? Would I be imposing? I know these people love me, but when does it go from talking to somebody about something wrong and smothering them with your grief? I love these people too much to have them worrying about me. Do I love these people, or am I just using them as a crutch to support my wanton desires and fragile ego? Do they actually love me, or did I just muscle my way into their lives and they’re afraid to tell me otherwise? Is this normal? What if I’m becoming one of those people?” I’d spend the night awake, crying and vomiting, and then I’d sleep until four or five the next day and start again. I completely isolated myself from everybody, except my mother who’s in the habit of calling me every night, and even then I put on a smiley face so she wouldn’t think something was wrong.

A couple of weeks ago I cracked. I had no money, I had no food, I had nocturnal insects in all of my things that I was watching eat me alive every night and I hadn’t had the meaningful kind of contact that I’d desired in weeks. I called my mother and begged her to send me money for a ticket home.

I’m here now, in Kitchener. I feel lots better. When I was catching up on the Penny Arcade archives, actually, I caught a post that Gabe did detailing his anxiety problem. Reading that I was able to say, “Yes, I have anxiety attacks.” Coming to that understanding, I’ve been able to see several other anxiety attacks I’ve had in my life. Thankfully, they aren’t that frequent (but when they happen they’re severe, the last one lasted a whole month), but I understand what it means to have anxiety issues.

I think for me the big fear was actually that it would be something more severe than anxiety; my family has a history of both bipolar and schizophrenia.

Either way, thanks for sharing that.

Wow, that’s very rough! Have you gone to a professional to be diagnosed or is this a self-diagnosis?

I was fed up with myself in August 2006 and so I went to a counselor/psychologist with a list of things I felt I needed to improve.

After about 45 minutes of me rambling, he asked a few questions and then said “You have Anxiety problems”. He then gave me a long article to read and recommended a book “Taming Your Gremlin”. I read the article and most of the book and found the exercises very helpful.

No matter what happens, I can follow these and regain control.

In October 2007 my counselor never rescheduled an appointment, but I still have the disorder. It doesn’t go away, I just learned how to control it.

I was suicidal from 12 - 30yrs of age. I would lay awake, praying to die in the night, or get cancer so I could have a slow painful process. But I never wanted any pain to my family. Many times I came close to suicide, meaning I was in the right mind state, but self hatred said “if you really hate yourself, you’ll keep living!” and so I kept living.

I have other problems, but when I was finishing high school, in OAC, I was quite sick a lot. They checked for everything and found my nerves threw my bloodwork out of whack. That’s impressive.

No, thankfully I was not vomiting for 12hrs non-stop like Matt, but I had the shakes, cold sweats, crazy mood swings, deep depression, poor sleeping, and just about everything caused indigestion.

I’ve learned to control it, partly with “I don’t care, this is not going to bother me” and the other part with the exercises.

I’m naturally very intense, driven, obsessed, a perfectionist, sometimes stubborn but also very open, and I try very hard at what I do, regardless of what it does to me or what I sacrifice to obtain it (mostly I give up things for me to do things for others). So my nature really encourages anxiety.

If anyone wants me to scan in that article, it’s really good and it really helps, I can scan it to a file and email it to you. Just email me (I think clicking on my name enables that).

“At one point in my life I weighed a mere 134 pounds. Standing six feet tall, that’s extremely thin. I now weigh 180 lbs, but even my gaining weight didn’t stop some from claiming that I was ‘getting fat’. It was, and is, somewhat of a no win situation with regards to public perception”.

My god, they are ostersizing men now for ‘gaining weight’? Gimme a break….. Do these Einstein’s even know that sometimes that is what antidepressants do? Make a person gain weight? And besides, I think it’s a good thing, you look fantastic!!!

Public perception is that of manipulation, too… by the media… you can just be not even thinking anything about a person and then bam, standing in the grocery store, see a magazine cover that says ‘I hear Matt Good is a really fatty’ and then all of a sudden, everyone is saying it… it’s total manipulation.’

It’s great to talk about this, guys….. Congrats to all that have gotten help and to those who found Matt’s story last April to be an inspiration to go to a doctor and get help for your own illnesses… It take’s a great amount of strength to do that… high fives guys!!!

Wow, that’s very rough! Have you gone to a professional to be diagnosed or is this a self-diagnosis?
I haven’t gone to a professional, although I plan to. I’ve actually only been back in KW for a week. I have talked to my sister and my mother about it at length, and both of them have been professionally diagnosed with some variations of anxiety disorders.

Quoting D. Lilly:

I wish I was as fat as you. I haven’t weighed 180 in 20 years.

What I have seen by you and others, such as Tweedy speaking out about your conditions is that many people have been able to see themselves and realize that their is relief to their struggles. People, especially young people, listen to people they admire more than family or health care professionals. They trust you. When you tell them you have health issues, that there is help, and how to get it, they do.

Then hopefully there is supportive family and good health care for the needed “hands on” help.

hah funny you should say that.. i have terrible, terrible anxiety about alot of different things. sure, in a month ill only be seventeen, but i can remember feeling this way for years. n i completely get where Matt and Tweedy are comming from, cuz i deal with the hours of vomiting and despise it! its something that i used to have every single day before school, during school, simply all the time. not to mention the trouble eating. n sure iv gotten to be better at controling it over the years but really, it’s still there. it actually wasnt until i heard about what Matt went through and how he got help in his situation, that it made me understand and feel brave enough to do the same. telling people was insanely difficult, especially those close to me, but because i did, now ill be able to improve my situation. which is why i have to say THANK YOU MATT <3 you’ve helped me a great deal without even knowing :)

Knowing that someone I respect and admire greatly is so open about his struggle with mental illness makes me feel that one day I too will be able to admit to others(and myself) that I need to seek help for ithe issues I struggle with. Although I have not been diagnosed I believe I suffer from depression and possibly anxiety issues as well. Over the last year and a half my life has changed dramatically, in ways I don’t know how to handle. Unfortunatey the only way I cope is with self mutialtion, something I have done on and off for 8 years. It has become a crutch I can’t live without. I cut so frequently now that I have to cover my arm at all times. I’m terrified that someone will discover my dirty little secret and yet I yearn to tell someone because I know I can’t stop. Until know I have never admitted this to anyone. I don’t know any of the members on the site, nor do I know Matt, but I feel like this is the only place I can admit to it and still keep my secret. I hope one day I will have the strength that so many of you have demonstrated.

Oh my goodness, girl friday, I’m so sorry to hear you are not well.

Can anyone say something?

Can someone help girl friday?

you look “healthy” now…you did not look healthy before.

people always like to pick the shit out of people…too skinny, too fat, too gay, too ghetto, too welfare, too posh…

the only thing ppl should ever be embarrassed about is if they are stupid. ha!

Quoting girl friday:

Knowing that someone I respect and admire greatly is so open about his struggle with mental illness makes me feel that one day I too will be able to admit to others(and myself) that I need to seek help for ithe issues I struggle with. Although I have not been diagnosed I believe I suffer from depression and possibly anxiety issues as well. Over the last year and a half my life has changed dramatically, in ways I don’t know how to handle. Unfortunatey the only way I cope is with self mutialtion, something I have done on and off for 8 years. It has become a crutch I can’t live without. I cut so frequently now that I have to cover my arm at all times. I’m terrified that someone will discover my dirty little secret and yet I yearn to tell someone because I know I can’t stop. Until know I have never admitted this to anyone. I don’t know any of the members on the site, nor do I know Matt, but I feel like this is the only place I can admit to it and still keep my secret. I hope one day I will have the strength that so many of you have demonstrated.

Although i have never met you or spoke to you before, i am incredibly proud of you. what you admitted was very brave, and the more people you tell, the better you’ll feel :) the first time i ever admitted that i felt i was struggling with severe anxiety and depression was on this very site about half a year ago. and the comments i got back from other people here, who were complete strangers to me, made me feel so good about myself, that i started to tell people who were closer to me about my situation. its amazing what kind of effect one man and his blog can have on so many others and just how understanding people can be. things will get better for you.

Quoting Nameless:

you look “healthy” now…you did not look healthy before.

people always like to pick the shit out of people…too skinny, too fat, too gay, too ghetto, too welfare, too posh…

the only thing ppl should ever be embarrassed about is if they are stupid. ha!

I have In a Coma, I think he looks pretty sweet in all the video’s.. some pretty freaking good eye candy there… I don’t think he looked that bad…. most video’s he looked awesome… Even the ’skin head’ video….. tee hee…

Quoting corporal unraus girl:

Thats awesome, I think more and more people are coming out of the closet about their mental illnesses, and I think that’s really great, as it does take balls to even mention in; especially if you are an icon. I suffer from Bipolar disorder myself and I cannot imagine speaking of it on a public level, I am a very private person and prefer to keep to myself about it, I avoid it like the plague even speaking to those most dear to me.

I totally understand why you wouldn’t talk about it, since it is really hard to talk about something like that, especially with family and close friends. The only people who i told about my illness is my parents, sister, grandparents, my boyfriend, and my three close friends, and it was the most excruciating thing i ever did.
But, when I’m sites like these, i feel i can talk more openly about it since I’m anyomonus. no one knows who i am, (except for one of my close friends who posts on here sometimes :P), and seeing that, i can talk more openly on here than i ever could with those close to me. However, i do feel like the black sheep seeing how my illness is physical, not mental. but still, its nice to see that there are others you know who know what you are going through.

girl friday– and anyone else going through something similar: lugging around a secret is a burden you don’t need when you’re already struggling with something like depression and anxiety. You don’t have to tell everyone you know, but talking to *someone* is part of starting to heal. Do yourself a favour and take some steps NOW to deal with this… the worst part for me is looking back and realizing how much of my life I wasted being needlessly miserable. (Not that I’m a model of cheerfulness these days… but, you know. Everything’s relative.) Point being, you wouldn’t let yourself suffer with a broken arm for years at a time… mental illness should be no different.

this started with matt mentioning jeff tweety’s condition and has done a twist.
girl friday you need to talk with a professional.you talking openly on line is a good step,but you need to talk with someone who can help.good luck.
bruiseviolet!
wow the praise! little bit sickening

Girl Friday, I really believe you ’should have’ and did the right thing by saying so… There is someone out there who will not give up on you. I can see by some of the responses here that people on here,who don’t even know you, really care about your situation. Sometimes as humans we are all very giving of everything and everyone else, except ourselves.. You can shift your thinking and just say “i’m going to be selfish for a while and do this for myself’… I know I have done that with different situations and it’s worked…

Again, I appreciate the kind words from all. There’s just nothing else I can say. It sounded worse than it actually is. I’m sorry to have worried anyone.