that word stands out for me

It is so true that, too often we become so consumed by our own worries and what our realities are- that we lose ourselves in the fight..As you said- we ‘become the fight’…. In saying that, because our attention is wrapped around all of that- we often become an unregonizable version of ourselves, so to speak. To be locked into a negetive mindset, or to be always lying in wait, for the rain- expecting that cloud over our heads to just open up and pour down on us, we do forget that the rest of the world is illuminated.

So happy to know that you are climbing your mountains “in better and brighter weather” Dale. We can have the support in the world and yet, nothing will ever change unless we, ourselves, make the first move. Glad to see you have taken control of the reigns…

You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to move forward and heal your mind and spirit as much as your body. Let all of that other go, and let the process begin…:0)
All the best!

Hope is wonderful, it always seems to return in a comforting wave when I think I’ve lost it.

I’ve not been through your ordeal, not sure how long it would take to bounce back, but I’m very glad to hear of your epiphany. I had one years ago after a dark time, and I cried when I tried to explain it to my husband, there were no words, just feelings of the sun finally coming out–I thought perhaps it was similar to what people experience when they are ‘born again’.

I think this post will bring hope to others that are still recovering from their own trauma …

But no Roid Rage. Well, unless it is directly related to the Leafs. Besides, I somehow have come to believe that hope is for ‘other people’. Kind of like yard work and screaming kids. Someone else, not me.

Yeah, the Leafs are, well, not the same, shall we say? I lived in a city where our team won the SC two years back to back. Insane stuff. In a good mullett-y sort of way.

I mean, I probably can… & thats very frightening! Than again, …its a crazy world & I don’t know what I would of done without the Avalanche c.d. Thank goodness for music and some amazing human spirits!

Your picture is breath taking…..however! Sooo sooo lovely, thank you.

d.

So many years ago now, April was the month when I started dating my now ex-boyfriend. For years before I started dating him, my life was plagued with an extremely negative state of mind and when he came into my life, the self esteem boost put me into my last full out mania. On top of that, my days were spent doing everything I loved so much. I was involved with at least three productions at once, I was still in school, so I was still playing with the best high school jazz band in town and because we were both at the theatre so much, you could probably count the number of times I had to turn a volunteer opportunity on one hand. What a better way to celebrate a birthday!

When he dumped me in July of that year, my mind was forced back to the extreme negativity ten fold, which is what triggered the depression that hasn’t let up since. But instead of associating August as the time of the year when everything all went wrong, I’ve been spending my birthdays absolutely dreading the year ahead of me. Last year, I got pissed drunk because I didn’t want to feel like I was turning 32 to the point I felt the biological clock on the last countdown. I wanted to feel 22 to the point I know damn well I have plenty time. I still can’t think of Bailey’s without getting sick to my stomach.

However, this year, things are playing out so much differently.

I don’t know if it’s the medication finally working or if I can’t stand being jealous of heroes because they’re strutting my stage. All I know is that I don’t fucking care anymore and I have to get on that stage. On April 1, 2008, I actually audition for my first production in three years. I’ve been asked for a call back. Come September 22, 2008, a successful call back audition could see me on that stage as a select back up singer. It’s not a lead by any means, but it’ll be the highest position I’ve ever been asked to do.

Today is the first day of true spring weather. Its 14C, the sun is out, and I’m going to be dropping by the theatre later on tonight to drop of a picture to an old friend who is retiring from the organization.

For the first time in years, things are getting are getting back on track.

Dale, thanks for the post. :)

That is so slap-you-in-the-face simple and true that I wonder why I never thought of it that way before. I may rely on you for profound insight from now on.

There was this starving dog. We took it in. To him we were hope.

Things have improved there but out of that shithole at the time the thing I remember the most clearly is helping that mutt.

Hope ain’t easy, it’s born of events difficult. That’s why no matter where I am I try and enjoy myself. You’ll get your comin’ uppins Dale.

And it is a kick ass day outside!

I used to have these 3 words writen on my mirror during my writing days:

“Courage Power Strength”

Stunning photo, too. Christmas lights in spring…for a gentle reminder of where you aren’t anymore.