My solution: Only allow children under the age of 18 access to facebook if they have another parent or guardian on as well to guarantee that they are being watched over. Along the way, facebook can send reports to the parents to help them look over their children’s behaviour.

I can already see the way children would find their way around this, but it will give their parents a greater ability in most cases to control and teach their children good values.

On a related note, some of the worst stuff I’ve seen (and I’ve been to some dark corners of the internet) has been found on a particular site geared specifically towards kids and teens 13 and up.. I probably shouldn’t name names, but for example, forum threads titled “yeah mum, he totally fingered me” or “is pedophilia on the same grounds as zoophilia”… Even screen captures of users deliberately enticing suspected pedophiles in chatrooms for fun… Things that thirteen-year-olds really don’t need to be exposed to…

My point is that as a regular (obsessive?) Facebook user, I’ve never encountered anything so inappropriate. I don’t deny that sexual predation and cyberbullying occur on Facebook or MySpace, but for any parents out there, keep a close eye on those sites designed for kids and teens too, no matter how tame the login page seems…

Ultimately, both sides need to be addressed. Parents need to be responsible, and websites need to be responsible. We expect a parent at a playground to monitor their kids and make sure they’re engaging in safe behaviors… but we also expect the manufacturer of the playground equipment to make sure that their equipment meets certain safety standards, too. The same rules should apply in the online playground.

Thank u for explaining better than I.

Am I the only one who wondered which assbag state was the one out of fifty that didn’t to the safeguards?

i thought the same.

Polar Bear…I hadn’t read your comment before I posted. Unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot we can do about some people’s cruelty and it’s SO hurtful when it’s directed at kids. It sounds similar to what drove my daughter out of the mainstream school system to begin with….it often IS jealousy and the kids throwing daggers have their own issues of self esteem, etc. It’s truly sad that bullying like this happens because it has a really serious effect on those at the receiving end.

Hell, I’m 31 years old and have had a hard time dealing with some of the nasty people you find online. I’m talking extreme ugliness, about a thousand times worse than anything I ever encountered in high school. If I was, say, 14 and dealing with this….. whoooo boy.

As we all know, something about the relative anonymity of being online (even when posting under your own identity) makes people say things they would never dream of saying to a person’s face. It amps the asshole factor up big-time. And, yeah, when it’s directed at kids just discovering themselves… it can have devastating, long-term effects.

I worry that kids who are brought up exposed to this sort of thing– who regularly hang out on Myspace, for instance, without adequate supervision– are going to think that sort of behaviour and attitude is normal and acceptable even in real-life, that they’ll lose (or never develop) the sense of empathy and mutual respect that helps people act civilly towards each other.

Sorry about the triple quote. Don’t quite know how that happened.

My neice was bullied on her my space page from girls she knew from school that she thought were her friends. I think it all stemmed from jealousy. She is a beautiful girl. Then, in school one day someone make fun of her for not having a mother.That was beyond cruel!! Losing her mother to cancer at a pivotal time in her life was devastating enough. In addition to that, my brother and his 5 kids moved from Michagan, to Pa. to be closer to family, so we could help out. This was another trauma she had to face, leaving the comfort of the home she grew up in, and all of her friends. All of this stress she was under make her very depressed. I got a call one day from school because she was having thoughts of hurting herself. She was already in therapy at the time due to losing her mother. I picked her up and took her straight to her psychologist. Thank God that nothing serious happened.

Quoting polarbear:

My neice was bullied on her my space page from girls she knew from school that she thought were her friends. I think it all stemmed from jealousy. She is a beautiful girl. Then, in school one day someone make fun of her for not having a mother.That was beyond cruel!! Losing her mother to cancer at a pivotal time in her life was devastating enough. In addition to that, my brother and his 5 kids moved from Michagan, to Pa. to be closer to family, so we could help out. This was another trauma she had to face, leaving the comfort of the home she grew up in, and all of her friends. All of this stress she was under make her very depressed. I got a call one day from school because she was having thoughts of hurting herself. She was already in therapy at the time due to losing her mother. I picked her up and took her straight to her psychologist. Thank God that nothing serious happened.

Quoting polarbear:

My neice was bullied on her my space page from girls she knew from school that she thought were her friends. I think it all stemmed from jealousy. She is a beautiful girl. Then, in school one day someone make fun of her for not having a mother.That was beyond cruel!! Losing her mother to cancer at a pivotal time in her life was devastating enough. In addition to that, my brother and his 5 kids moved from Michagan, to Pa. to be closer to family, so we could help out. This was another trauma she had to face, leaving the comfort of the home she grew up in, and all of her friends. All of this stress she was under make her very depressed. I got a call one day from school because she was having thoughts of hurting herself. She was already in therapy at the time due to losing her mother. I picked her up and took her straight to her psychologist. Thank God that nothing serious happened.

Polar Bear…I hadn’t read your comment before I posted. Unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot we can do about some people’s cruelty and it’s SO hurtful when it’s directed at kids. It sounds similar to what drove my daughter out of the mainstream school system to begin with….it often IS jealousy and the kids throwing daggers have their own issues of self esteem, etc. It’s truly sad that bullying like this happens because it has a really serious effect on those at the receiving end.

Good for you for getting your niece some additional help. And all the love in the world sent out to her…what an excruciatingly painful time it must be for her. Hopefully she gets through all this o.k.

I don’t feel the need to check on my children’s activities on the internet…that being said, they’re both older now and no longer “kids”. But what I’ve opted to do is to arm them with the knowledge of how to protect themselves vs ME protecting them - things like identifying warning signs, avoiding situations that they get a bad feeling about, etc. To use their instincts AND what they’ve been taught to steer clear of bad situations. And I just got a big sign that they’re o.k. with this when my daughter questioned my going to meet a (female) friend who I’d met on the internet and had known for awhile. “Mom, how do you KNOW that this person is who they really say they are?”.

As for bullying….again, it’s a tough thing to deal with (been there, done that too). There is no simple solution and it’s a definite problem, not only online but out there in the real world too.

Am I the only one who thinks the parent’s are part of the problem?? I have Net Nanny on both my children’s computers… there is no way they would get away with much in my house. Maybe a few parents should update their computer/technical skills and protect their own children from predators and/or prevent their own children from using these programs to cyberbully (at least in their own home). I know where my kid is in Cyberspace, do you?

I personally don’t think that parents are to blame as much as some people think. Yes, it is a parent’s responsibility to teach their children that you don’t talk to a stranger in the park, just like it is their responsibility to teach them not to be wary of anything that they encounter online. Compare it to going to the park with some friends. Yes, when they’re very young, you walk over with them and watch them as they play. By the time they’re twelve though (and perhaps this only applies to small city settings like the one I grew up in), I should hope that they’re not under constant supervision. They’re coming to an important age in establishing independence and individuality and I personally think that some privacy is important. Would they be safer under constant supervision? Yes, in the same way they that we’d all be safer with constant supervision.

Growing up, I did all sorts of stuff on the internet that I’m sure my mother wouldn’t have approved of. I talked to strangers, I visited all sorts of adult websites (and I don’t just mean porn), but I never had any dangerous experiences. I was taught to recognize a dangerous situation in real life, and that knowledge transfers easily to the internet. My mother occasionally said that she would start monitoring my online activities, and all that did was put a huge trust rift in our relationship. And I’ll admit that the biggest flaw in my beliefs are determining at what age they start getting online freedom, and in what increments it is given to them.

I don’t want this to seem like an attack on your opinions, because I do respect them. I don’t have children of my own yet, so it may turn out that my philosophy doesn’t work at all. I was also brought up in a relatively small city, and my opinions probably reflect that (there wasn’t too much concern about sexual predators growing up). I’ve just always thought of the net nanny as an invasion of privacy. Reflecting on that, I concede that it probably is very useful for younger children. Determining at what age it should be removed is a completely subjective decision based on the maturity of the child and the trust between them and the parents. Perhaps when I have my own children, I will support the idea of having it at older ages.

I did not mean to be harsh or something.
It’s just that I don’t find the right words and expressions sometimes as I am no native speaker. So maybe I sound a bit awkward, sorry for that.

Quoting silly girl:

Quoting Tuuli22:

I don’t acutally have kids but if I did I’d keep them as much away from computers in general as possible.

Quote: Also- I can monitor what my child is writing to others on any website AND what they are saying to my child. He does talk to his friends online and I am aware of what goes on..

If this is ok to you - be it. I personally think it makes more sense to tell Kids about the threats they are exposed to while using the internet making them stable against whatever such things might occur rather than spying on every single step they do online while they don’t even know.

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I do educate my children on the dangers of being online. And I agree they need to know what to do if we aren’t there, BUT I want to know who is talking to my 12 year old. I don’t spend hours watching his every move, but I do know where he’s been, who he’s talking to. I wasn’t attacking you by the way, just merely mentioning that as parents we need to take the time to educate ourselves regarding new technology. It has nothing to do with money or knowledge. If I’ve got the money to be online, then I guess I better front the money to keep my kids safe online. Pennies a day and a bit of reading for me. Keeping our children away from computers is not the answer, computers are a way of life and that is not going to change.

I do agree Facebook has some hidden dangers. There are always improvements needed!

I agree with you in most of what you said. But one should assume that in majority people aren’t that smart and common-sense. Too often parents downright ‘park’ their kids in front of the pc to keep them calm. Kids waking up, communicating with friends and going to bed with the pc is reality.

Oh I never felt like you would attack me or something, everything fine ;)

Quoting Tuuli22:

I don’t acutally have kids but if I did I’d keep them as much away from computers in general as possible.

Quote: Also- I can monitor what my child is writing to others on any website AND what they are saying to my child. He does talk to his friends online and I am aware of what goes on..

If this is ok to you - be it. I personally think it makes more sense to tell Kids about the threats they are exposed to while using the internet making them stable against whatever such things might occur rather than spying on every single step they do online while they don’t even know.

.

I do educate my children on the dangers of being online. And I agree they need to know what to do if we aren’t there, BUT I want to know who is talking to my 12 year old. I don’t spend hours watching his every move, but I do know where he’s been, who he’s talking to. I wasn’t attacking you by the way, just merely mentioning that as parents we need to take the time to educate ourselves regarding new technology. It has nothing to do with money or knowledge. If I’ve got the money to be online, then I guess I better front the money to keep my kids safe online. Pennies a day and a bit of reading for me. Keeping our children away from computers is not the answer, computers are a way of life and that is not going to change.

I do agree Facebook has some hidden dangers. There are always improvements needed!

Quoting Tuuli22:

That’s in fact a shocking story. I made my experiences of a similar sort on facebook but got rid of the mad person by deleting him from my friend’s list. I think myspace is insofar safer than facebook as it offers the user the possibility to keep their profiles completely inaccessible to others and make themselves available only to friends. Theres too many extra-functions on facebook I think that might help stalkers to circumvent protective measures.

My facebook profile is hidden- and you can’t add me as a friend, only request that I add you as a friend…you can change your privacy settings to only be accessible to friends. You can also make it so your profile/name cannot be searched for…its all available!

I did not claim facebook to not have any security measures at all. But it is for ex. possible to contact people who are not your friends via functions like “are you interested” and the only thing you can do about that is to block them and hope they won’t launch a new account. You also hand your email adress to strangers whenever you allow one of the various applications on your profile. Basically you’re risking your personal peace of mind every time you try one of these funny little toys on facebook.

I personally try to keep the dimensions of my internet-activities as narrow as possible. I do facebook and myspace and post on some few selected blogspots. I don’t acutally have kids but if I did I’d keep them as much away from computers in general as possible.

Quote: Also- I can monitor what my child is writing to others on any website AND what they are saying to my child. He does talk to his friends online and I am aware of what goes on..

If this is ok to you - be it. I personally think it makes more sense to tell Kids about the threats they are exposed to while using the internet making them stable against whatever such things might occur rather than spying on every single step they do online while they don’t even know.

Cases like the one mentioned in the article show that we are far away from the internet being a safe place for kids. We had cases of paedophiles invading forums of kids-magazines here in germany not long ago. You might do a good job in monitoring your kids’ online activities but not every family has the time the money or just the knowledge to do so. And that means that there are some improvements to be reached.