George Bush or children’s television…
President George Walker Bush has a great deal in common with children’s television. As we’re all aware, children’s television commonly focuses on the development of the imagination and the employment of rudimentary language and hyperbole. In doing so, it often presents outlandish scenarios that are constructed on the fantastical – such as large yellow birds that are able to speak to invisible elephants. Interestingly, President Bush also presents outlandish scenarios constructed on the fantastical, though I cannot confirm that he engages in conversations with invisible elephants – though I wouldn’t be shocked to learn that he does.
Like children’s television, President Bush, who has unfortunately been gifted the moniker of the world’s most powerful man, commonly addresses audiences employing scripted, teleprompter aided, fifth grade level vocabulary. Unlike children’s television, which is also scripted, President Bush commonly has trouble successfully giving a speech without making errors.
Unlike children’s television, the fantasies promoted by President Bush do not involve talking roosters that live in bags or trains that transport the public to a land of make believe. Of course, like children’s television, the Bush administration does employ puppets.
Unlike children’s television there is only one lesson to be learned from Mr. Bush’s Presidency. Children’s television, on the other hand, mixes it up and commonly focuses on something new in each episode.
On occasion, characters on children’s shows sometimes perish or are injured in attempt to teach children about mortality or safety. Mr. Bush’s Presidency shares this similarity in that it has killed and injured thousands of children.
Like children’s television, Mr. Bush’s Presidency acts as a reminder to thousands of mothers across the United States - that their children are gone.
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It’s always easier to be a monday morning quarter back, but what if it were Sunday afternoon and you were actually in the game? I’m not asking what you would have done I’m asking what would you do moving forward? Let’s say that the rat in your brain rules the world, how are you going to fix this mess?
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It would actually be funny if Bush indeed did talk to invisible elephants. I would like to witness this event taking place. Because we are talking about Bush, I imagine, he would probably wage war against them, all because they wouldn’t share their cookie with him. :) What’s most disturbing about this, is reading the words children and Bush in the same sentence. Sorry, can’t stomach it.
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So you’re suggesting that because the Bush administration lied its way into Iraq I am somehow an armchair quarterback? That’s an impressive leap.
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Quoting Matthew Good:
No I’m actually looking for a good long read, which is what I thought your response would be.
A little off topic, but have you seen this trainwreck yet?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPZro5jZBQA It’s amazing, you take the heart and emotion out of it and it just loses all meaning!!
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G.W. Bush v. Alfred E. Newman?
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You mean Fraggle Rock isn’t real?!
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Matt…that large yellow bird spoke to the invisible elephant when we were children
at some point…people realized that it was wrong that the adults on the show did not believe that yellow bird when he claimed they had just missed the big invisible elephant…and that children should be believed when they tell adults things (i was touched..etc)
so now…the elephant isnt invisible.
WMDs…however…are still invisible
what i’d pay to see that large yellow bird peck the eyes out of bush
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“And so the fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there’s jobs at the machine-making place.” –George W. Bush, Mesa, Arizona, May 27, 2008
The 5th grade vocabulary was a little out of reach on this day.
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Seriously Matt- I would both give up smoking (for a 24 hr period) and wear a fuzzy gorilla suit to work (it’s 38 degrees here right now) to have a topigraphical map for your brain. Somedays you make me smile, most days you make think and examine, but somedays you scare the holy good fuck shit of out me.
Thanks.
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Next death match…….. Albright Vs. Harry Potter?
Front row please, left of the aisle. Just put it on my american express.
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I’m going with childrens television here, because if Bush wins we all lose.
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These are pretty funny and thought provoking.
Now do The Green Lantern versus The Silver Surfer.
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There is no contest. You insult children’s television.
I would not be who I am today were it not for those three shows (and perhaps a few others).
MG.org Death Match 4 can be me against anyone who wants to challenge that that’s a good thing.
P.S. I think the elephant is actually a wooly mammoth…not that it matters in the slightest.
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As an adult, have you ever watched a TV show you used to just love as a kid? And then been incredibly disappointed to realize how stupid and nonsensical and brainless and pointless and sheer garbage it was? And then felt really embarrassed at your younger self for having been so clueless and so duped as to have ever thought it had any merit? Yeah. At least when I woke up to realize The Littlest Hobo had crappy acting and weak storylines, all I’d lost is a few hours of my time.
I don’t know how many of these you have up your sleeve, but I hope there are more. I’m enjoying them immensely.
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I’d really love to know how you manage to be though-provoking, funny, disturbing and brilliant all at the same time, because honestly that doesn’t happen too much anymore …
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I thought Snuffy was a Snufolupagous, sorta a furry purple elephant who’s a little slow at times.
Does Bush really have a 125 IQ? How did he manage that? I’ve heard he was a C student in university, and from what he says on TV… how’d he managed to be above average in the IQ rating, being 140-something is Einstein’s rating?
I’ve never had an IQ test, I don’t need a number to tell me I think I know more than I do.
I’m liking these death matches, very satirical and enjoyable, in a half-serious manner. Although it would be neat to see PimpMyRide followed by Who’s the Real Hard-Ass? (from your Taliban Vs Gangsta death match).
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Quoting KET:
That’s why it is best to return to being a kid when you watch them. Otherwise…
I like Dave Chappell’s comments on that:
“Sesame Street teaches you to label people…”
“They got a character on there named Oscar, they treat this guy like shit the entire show. They judge him right in his face, “Oscar you are so mean! Isn’t he kids?”, “Yeah Oscar! Your a grouch!”, its like “BITCH! I LIVE IN A FUCKING TRASHCAN!” “
“Then they had the nerve to put a pimp on there. Now, they didn’t go out and say he was a pimp. I know a pimp when I see one. They called him, “The Count”. He had a cape on and everything. On the show you see him pimping. “Bitch, where is my money. You’ve been late 4 times, I’ve been counting. How many times must I smack you before you act right. “*Smack*One, *Smack*Two, Two smacks, ha,ha,ha,ha,ha.” “
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Quoting KET:
My brother and I used to watch Pee-Wee’s Playhouse when we were kids, and he recently bought one of the seasons on DVD. After watching a couple episodes, we both thought out loud “how in the holy blue fuck did they actually let kids watch this shit?”
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if an invisible elephant is the latest euphemism for god…
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Dude that is way harsh an analagy for my head to handle.
OUCH
P.S. GET YOUR HEAD OVER TO EGG’S HOUSE.
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Speaking of Fragle Rock, I walked into a Starbucks today to get my chai latte and heard Sara McLachlin singing ‘The Rainbow Connnection’…… dudes wtf.
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Oh theres nothing like a good old bashing of George W to pass the time…
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it never fails. when i see “moniker ” i read “monkier.”
i also totally thought that elephant was real. no lie.
on that note, i also thought hobbes was real (should i be admitting these things?)
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At this point I would take anyone in a match against George. Was this to see whats more rudimentary or whats more harmful. Ha, you must be really bored on that tour bus or thinking waaay too much.
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I actually watch kids television shows with my daughter and they are much more intelligent than Bush, (especially Fraggle Rock). I would disagree with some people thinking children’s shows are unintelligent, if anything they can be beyond children. Take the Fraggle Rock where they’re trapped in the caves and about to die, or the Big Comfy Couch where Loonette wonders where clowns come from in a very existential manner, not the ‘Mommy clown and Daddy clown…’ spiel, but, I lose focus.
Obviously G. Dub loses.
PS Everyone should check out Yo Gabba Gabba, it is the best kids show ever made! I’m sure Bush wouldn’t be able to understand… alas…
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I have another death-match proposal: UN secretary general Ban Khi Moon vs. Mahmood Ahmadinedschad - much talk, no do. Both are no more than dolls on a stage while others pull the strings.
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Off topic but nonetheless a reason to be happy: Ingrid Betancourt has finally been freed along with 14 other hostages taken by the FARC guerilla in Colombia.
I wish her all the best.
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speaking of childrens television, did you know that some kid on Canadian Idol did a version of “apparitions” ? I was checking out some live video on youtube of your recent tour and bam, some brit kiddo from Van came up doing your song haha…too funny..i never thought Id live to see the day a Matt Good song was on Canadian Idol….I would never allow such a thing…..and even worse, like a train wreck I got curious and watched it….and it was all the crap i expected it to be….
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For someone whose head is – by your own admission and so eloquently put, I have to say – “full of shit”, you write with the most amazing clarity. All you need to do is add one word to the end of each of these three entries.
“Discuss”
…and you have the perfect Sixth Form* student exam papers.
(*17-19 yr/old in UK – sorry, don’t know your equiv.)
Coincidentally, re your earlier post, there has been a highly reported murder here in the UK over the last few days. A stabbing of a teenager lad (allegedly, by a group of young black men) whose sister is a minor TV star (hence the TV coverage…celebs sell, y’konw…). His relatives are calling for National Service to be reintroduced: “If they want to fight, let them fight with REAL men” etc. etc. Of course, now this has upset a lot of professional service personnel…
And guess what? London’s new mayor (Bonkers Boris Johnson) is telling people “not to get involved if you see any trouble”…
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I am going to have to go with children’s television on this one - I like that stuff I would almost prefer to watch it
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Quoting Shane:
OMG!! I forgot about Fraggle Rock!
Kid’s TV shows have this battle won.. hands down.
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Wait…what do you mean that Big Bird and Snuff are based on the fantastical?
Listen buddy I have it on good advice from someone who had once known a man who thought he might have heard someone talk about a guy who’d maybe seen the existence of these two, that they’re quite real.
Hrmph.
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I watched a tonight show rerun of Political Jeopardy the other night with Bush, Clinton and Obama. The Bush impersonator is awesome. Bush picks election for $100. Topic: Superdelegates. Bush answers; “What are delegates with a secrete identity who fight crime in an invisible car.” LOL!! You tube it if you haven’t seen it.
I think you may be on to something. He probably does talk to invisible elephants.
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Forgot to mention. On a more serious note, fantastic entry!! Apple for the teacher. :)
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I’d take the the Friendly Giant or Mr. Dressup over Bush any day.
Great post! :)
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Loved the Sesame Street, Friendly Giant and Mr.Roger’s references. Ah, roosters in plastic bags. And now we have aliens with televisions in their stomachs. How far we’ve come.
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In Bush’s case, I highly doubt if he has a 125 IQ. That said, in general IQ is not necessarily a reflection of intelligence, especially if the person has a learning disability.
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That was funny! Well said.
(PS: Snuffelupugus was invisible?)
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Quoting angelboo:
I may or may not have seasons 1 and 2 of Fraggle Rock on dvd =D
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If there was an invisible elephant, Dick Cheney has already shot it.
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Also, here is one:
Congress vs. A schizophrenic having an argument with himself.
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If only PBS childrens television characters like Big Bird & Oscar the grouch would get angry at Bush like they did Homer Simpson….lol
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Quoting Stephen K:
Oops, that should have said “IQ is not necessarily a reflection of educational achievement.”
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Quoting Shane:
I *do* have Seasons 1 and 2 of Fraggle Rock on DVD. When my kids are old enough THAT is what they will watch, none of that DOra The Explorer-Teletubbie bullshit.
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Dude, Dora is not bullshit…. wrong show to say is crap, dude.
Yes, Teletubbies are re-dick, but Dora is highly educational…..
My son has learned alot from that show. One being ‘where do we go next?’ which helps kids learn the concept of before and after, what comes first and what comes last..?
anyhow, i’m done. sorry … i love Dora….
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Quoting Tony Shucraft:
I am reminded of the following riddle: “If a schizophrenic threatens to shoot himself, is it a hostage situation?”
So then, if a congressman takes Capitol Hill hostage, is it a terrosrist threat?