MG.org Death Match: Nature Vs al-Qaeda
July 1, 2008, Matthew Good Nature or al-Qaeda…
Which, you might be asking yourself, is the greater terrorist threat? Since 9/11, al-Qaeda has taken no direct responsibility for any major terrorist action, not even the London bombings. And while groups in Iraq are allegedly aligned with al-Qaeda, the chances that they’re receiving direct orders from Osama bin Laden - by way of anything up to and including Morse code - is a stretch.
Nature, on the other hand, is a completely different matter altogether. It has recently devastated swaths of Burma, China, and countless other places. In fact, since 9/11, it has been responsible for one of the most deadly attacks in modern history – the Southeast Asian Tsunami. It pulled off Katrina, the earthquake in Pakistan, devastating floods throughout Latin America, and a plethora of other deadly attacks.
Let’s face the truth – it’s time to declare a ‘War On Nature’.
Nature is, without question, the most prominent member of the Axis of Evil. It needn’t a nuclear capability, nor can nuclear weapons defend against its evil designs. In truth, were nuclear weapons employed against nature, it would only work to nature’s advantage – by killing more people.
Were the leadership of al-Qaeda smart it would align itself with nature. No matter how many Infidels al-Qaeda wishes dead - nature can kill more. The 2004 tsunami alone killed 250,000 people, roughly 247,000 more people than 9/11. Exploiting its access to tectonic plates, sub-aquatic volcanoes, and the ocean, nature’s terrorist attack of December 26th, 2004, was immense in its scope and planning. Interestingly, compared to al-Qaeda’s estimated $500,000 budget employed to orchestrate the attacks of 9/11, the attack of 26/04 cost nature nothing.
In conclusion, our resources are being wasted in the wrong area. While some might consider al-Qaeda a threat, nature is far more troublesome and should be made the number one priority of every freedom-loving nation on earth.
Bottom line – nature not only hates freedom, it hates everyone and everything. Therefore it’s high time that we view nature for the terrorist that it is.
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Fuck nature. I think it’s time we unite with Mongolia, Moldova and Tonga to form a new coalition of the willing!
I’m going to go beat the sap out of the next tree I see.
We’ll just have to make Bush give a speech warning nature that if it doesn’t give WMD’s we will destroy nature.
Can you just picture that speech? It sure would be big on youtube, and be a perfect fit for an SNL skit.
He could cut in and out of scenes involving Ents attacking Orcs for dramatic effect.
…I agree, nature is watching everything we do, every weather broadcast, every calendar marking for a family trip. Nature has spies everywhere. And I mean honestly, can’t a person have privacy these day!?…. I’m in my room changing… I hear a ‘russle’ at the window and theres a tree rubbing against the window pane! Honestly WTF. I walk to work… the wind blows just right a leaf hits me in the chest. If I had breasts I might be offended… but given the average IQ of a leaf I don’t honestly think they know what their doing. They just take orders. I wanna jerk off it’s too hot, or cold, whatever. I know this is all petty little things in my life, but hey. I’m North American. Nothing else matters right. Don’t fuck with my schedule.
Beyond that, nature has many more ways of annoying us… I’m sick of all these commercials of third world people dieing. Is it my fault I have a computer and two cars and throw away more than I can eat!? NO! So shizzle dogg, like fuck. I mean how dare organisms in the oceans stop filtering carbon and die instead from…. Carbon poisoning hence speeding up the warming of the oceans them selves causing dramatic storms and currents. In the end causing island nations to suffer and flood my morning news with bs about ‘people’ dieing. Now a-days the weather shows news and the news shows weather. And every aspect of each has been infiltrated buy Nature.
I don’t know about you but I wanna know how hot it is when I get stuck in traffic for 45 mins pumping more carbon into the air. I drive a Chevy!!! Its like a fucking rock, I hate rock cuz nature can pick them up in a tornado and smash your head in with it but yeah. I really don’t care about people in China or… that other place where lots of people died died. It’s not my fault, has nothing to do with me. I have a gun but I only shoot deer and moose. I mean look at them, clearly they are allied to NATURE!!!! I’ll burn coal and oil and leave everything plugged in and “left on” and use so many plastic packaging’s to preserve myself for 10,000 years that I’ll live forever. But if nature keeps fucking with me like this then I propose war. How else are you gonna get anything accomplished?
I’m Christian. And we settle things with war, persecution, rape, pillage, force feeding every fucking person we ever come in contact with. A sword, a gun or a dick. Chew or swallow. Both is preferred keep in mind. If your male and under 12.
So I say use science, use technology, use GOD! And we shall overcome our worst enemy. That is Nature. His method of population control will never last. Foil him by killing each other first and him simultaneously. Ice doesn’t melt on its own, and water doesn’t warm, it’s all a sham founded by “Nature’ the original disaster maker”
Call the number below and you can get 25% off on a new Slugworth coal burning boiler for your home duty free. 1-800-Its-Shit.
And hey, Fuck Nature, cuz he’s fucking you… sideways.
Fucking brilliant.
The War on Terror is as misguided as the War on Drugs.
Well that is what happens when you piss mother nature off! Can you blame her? Really? I mean if some one was to piss oil into my waters or extract poisonous fumes into my atmosphere I would likely take avengence and tsunami the ass off of others too. I think this is just her way of saying FUck OFF already!
Don’t you think it’s a reminder to us all? I’m thinking of your “God” entry a couple of days back…
Nature, the cause of half the worlds problems and some of the solutions…..I always thought Nature was a little too “pretty” looking..then one day, when your not expecting it BAM! It hits you like a ton of bricks…
I wonder how many bombs, troops, ships, planes, etc. we’d need to beat nature…im guessing a lot.. ?
It is after all a stubborn little devil.
Hehe… Awesome. As I said on “Fireworks and Beer,” the high priority we’ve given the WOT is certainly debatable.
lmao
The funny thing is some people actually believe governments are behind some of these natural disasters…
;) peace and love
Wait, NATURE is responsible for all those earthquakes and floods? I thought that was karma. Sharon Stone said so.
[quote comment="57453"]
He could cut in and out of scenes involving Ents attacking Orcs for dramatic effect.[/quote]
That’s funny. Haha, I needed that.. hee hee hee…
[quote comment="57450"]I’m going to go beat the sap out of the next tree I see.[/quote]
Hahaha, this made me laugh. :)
I once peed on a Bush so I’m doing my part.
[quote comment="57470"]I once peed on a Bush so I’m doing my part.[/quote]
Was it George Sr. or Jr.?
[quote comment="57471"][quote comment="57470"]I once peed on a Bush so I’m doing my part.[/quote]
Was it George Sr. or Jr.?[/quote]
Probably Jenna Bush
oh and I am decarling a war on myself.
Nature has too much access to oil. It will emerge as an anarchic world leader if we do not stop them.
I got peed on by nature once, it wasn’t fun. I want revenge.
I beat a bunny rabbit to death after reading this post.
I am holding several suspected “naturists” in my backyard without charge or due process, in the name of homeland security.
Heh, isn’t nature a WMD itself?
I can see Bush now, “We’re gonna find this nature thing an we’re gonna git it!”
We declared war on nature a long time ago. Disasters are just nature’s way of saying; You can’t win.
I don’t buy it. Has nature released any audio or video tapes taking credit for anything?
I’m convinced it’s Zombie Nixon, back for revenge.
were part of the problem of nature being so “evil”.
if we were to try to control nature anymore than we do, it would make the situation worse. mother nature does not like to be controlled!
Looking at it closer, declaring a “War on Nature” would be one hell of a blunder.
War on poverty,drugs and terrorism hasn’t exactly panned out thusfar. The income gap has increased exponentially, illegal substances have gotten cheaper and more potent than ever, and……..well…you know.
Well, our next step to combat nature would be to take down the Green Party of Canada and any other enviromental group around. Just think, they actually want us to donate money and time in order to PROTECT nature. What kind of sick and twisted people are we dealing with here? Its time it stopped….
Nature need a good ass kicking! Way to hide the big fuel supplies Mother N. rrrrrrrrrrrrr
Nature doesn’t need to release video.
Okay, I got the plan. The government of Canada joins forces with the United States raising all taxes up 10%. This is to insure that we can afford all the scientists to discover a way to make a nuclear bomb that won’t kill humans but only nature. After years of experiments, and billions of dollars blown on their working late take out chinese, they realize that all this work is for nothing because you CAN’T WIN. Nature always has and always will win. War against nature is war upon ourselves. Fuck it! NUKE THAT BITCH!
HAHA! That was an awesome post :)
This made my day! Damn that nature!
…lol….She likes being called “Mother” for a reason…supporting and disciplining….More power then we can ever bestow…good luck on that fight…my money is on her!!!!
nature always wins in the end….
You’re a modern day Swift. This is the most modest proposal I’ve heard in a while.
I’d still love baby-back rib though…
“It is in your nature to destroy yourselves.” -Arnold Schwarzenegger…in Terminator 2!
Let’s just give up to nature BEFORE we start killing ourselves, k?
You’re wrong about nature man. all we need to do is use up all our nukes and there pretty much won’t be any sign nature was ever here.
[quote comment="57645"]You’re wrong about nature man. all we need to do is use up all our nukes and there pretty much won’t be any sign nature was ever here.[/quote]
Good call!