Talking Silverware: True Conversationalists
July 31, 2008, Matthew Good 
Battle of the sexes, don’t need it, far too tired this morning. We’re all to blame, porn is to blame, the pipe fitter makes $70 bucks an hour! The world’s just like Beauty And The Beast, except not a cartoon and without the talking inanimate objects – though that depends on your state of mind really.
And I haven’t even fucking seen Beauty And The Beast.
I have, on the other hand, read Skinny Legs And All, and would claim that it’s a far better love story. It too involves talking inanimate objects. Then again, given that it was written by Tom Robbins, he’s probably had a conversation with a spoon at some point in the past, so at least there’s a chance that it’s somewhat autobiographical.
Talking inanimate objects aside, if you’re a Vancouver resident don’t forget that Dave Eby is running for city council. You can check out his official website for updates and information.
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hey it was Beauty and the Beast that had the talking silverware :P
Sorry I guess that’s not really relevant to your post though.
You’re right by God! I’ll change that!
Que? what happened to the lively discussion and the last post? I know it’s your website and all, but it’s a bit of a bitch to have something people were obviously relating to removed in its entirety because you are bored with it. Unless it was violating the website policies, which it might have been, though it wasn’t apparent to me.
I for one very much enjoy the conversations I’ve had with the various objects in my apartment - particularly my goose lamp……
There are two sides to every entry Susan. The comments left on the website and the emails that I get that no one else has to read (and then vomit because of). And really, waking up to emails from singles about how they’re this and that and would I consider this and that isn’t all that alluring to me, especially when they perplexingly attack me at the same time.
And in truth, yes, it is my website, so I can pretty much delete whatever I want. That’s the beauty of it. The entry lives on though via the RSS feed.
good edit. :) Sorry I was a Nanny for 3 years so I know WAY to much about Disney movies. :(
Ah, so people took your post to be some veiled attempt at looking for love and came to your rescue? Yikes. Ya, gotta say, that doesn’t go well with morning coffee. That relationship/sex/gender nerve continues to be a raw one. Guess it’s why it is so effectively employed as a marketing tool for everything from cars to jeans and beer. Now if we could only edit our lives the same way we can a blog….
Re: Vancouver Council. I hope David is successful, but I also hope there are others of his ilk running. Being the only voice in the wilderness might be more frustrating than effective.
[quote comment="60007"]There are two sides to every entry Susan. The comments left on the website and the emails that I get that no one else has to read (and then vomit because of). And really, waking up to emails from singles about how they’re this and that and would I consider this and that isn’t all that alluring to me, especially when they perplexingly attack me at the same time.
And in truth, yes, it is my website, so I can pretty much delete whatever I want. That’s the beauty of it. The entry lives on though via the RSS feed.[/quote]
LOL did you get the moves put on you via email? WOW.. that’s hot. *S*
PS beauty and beast rocked.. cept.. seriously.. bestiality.. not cool.
Wow, Susan McEwan, I would love to ask you out on a date! I read your posts in, “Meet You At the Cyber Cafe” and am intrigued!
@Strangedays: That was funny as hell. Water in the nostrils though, is not. : )
Matt, your just hot stuff. Smashing dark brown eyes, a sense of humour, wit, super keen intelligence, its your fault :P
But seriously, thats tacky. I read your entry and was touched. Cause frankly, your right. In so many ways. Your perceptions are your reality. You see things differently, due to the lifestyle you have led and do lead. In some small way, I envy it and then I think of how happy I am, I will never have to guess what the *person* who is claiming to adore me, is really all about. Are they with me for what I am? Or for what they think I am?
Its a dark world out there, and someone honest to share life with, is really hard to find.
And if I could, I would vote for David Eby.. I love the way he thinks. And small changes bring about huge differences..
and..
Beauty and the Beast was a great movie.. I still have the lunch box!
[quote comment="60007"]And really, waking up to emails from singles about how they’re this and that and would I consider this and that isn’t all that alluring to me, especially when they perplexingly attack me at the same time.[/quote]
Scary. Just plain scary. Just think of what kind of winners you could get if you auctioned off a “date with MG” versus just a album demo screening! Oh God. The horror.
“The Internet: men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.”
Oh my god, are those kama sutra markings on the silverwear?
BJ, I like your name.
p.s. On Beauty and the Beast, it was the Cup and Saucer that talked. Not seeing the relation at all though. Haven’t had coffee yet. Will ponder.
Being personally attacked is pretty hurtful. Although tone can be very subjective over email.
Nonetheless, it sucks.
It was the clock, the candlestick, the tea pot…AND the tea cup ‘Chip’ that talked!
There was also the wardrobe and a duster and a whole musical montage where pretty much everything in the kitchen sang.
Maybe I am ignorant but I did not know of Tom Robbins before now. I just read some excerpts of his work on the web and I think now I will have to pick up a book or two. My dark side likes writing that twists my brain.
Sorry, it’s been a while since I saw the movie. My son loves Chip. that is the only reason I know of the cup and saucer. doh
I know, I haven’t seen it in a while either…but I watched it a few too many times when I was younger!
You are all cinematically LAME.
The Little Mermaid ftw.
Hey, don’t you be knockin’ Disney movies now….how do you think we women ended up with that idea of the knight in shining armor coming to our rescue???
The Little Mermaid rocked! Ever wonder why none of the characters in any of the Disney classics never had a mother? Am I the only one? Seriously…Cinderella, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid….where’s the mom??
I know Matt, lame, very lame:P
… and then some
read last nights post first time on your blog
a good friend showed it to me
hmmmm … must be hard to be matthew good
and to date for REAL
… i believe you can overcome your damage and trust again
hugs to you sir
what about the story about the knife running away with the spoon? all this talk of cutlery has me confused…
and isnt there something about a gingham cat in there too??? excuse me, im having flashbacks from my childhood..
all of this having nothing to do with beauty and the beast…
how come you havent done a post on alice in wonderland yet, matt??
(cue pat pitt saying “It’s YOUR un-birthday today? ME TOO!”)
Walt DIsney must have hated his mother.
I was singing one of the Little Mermaid songs in the shower the other day. Don’t knock it Matt, it’s good stuff! Not like Miss Congeniality good, but still it holds it’s own.
So…if the forks are males and the spoons females…what is the knife?
Just curious.
Five’s a good number :0)
lol @ jane…what about sporks?? or should we not go there?? one will start to wonder how this became a post about sexing cutlery.
le sigh
Disney movies make me want to gauge out my eyeball …. sorry
Oh for Chrissake.
It was the dish and spoon….saw it on ET Tonight, so I know it’s true.
Matt…what are your thoughts on Dumbo? Elephants are involved, so I’m thinking it may be ok?
[quote comment="60027"]Hey, don’t you be knockin’ Disney movies now….how do you think we women ended up with that idea of the knight in shining armor coming to our rescue???
The Little Mermaid rocked! Ever wonder why none of the characters in any of the Disney classics never had a mother? Am I the only one? Seriously…Cinderella, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid….where’s the mom??
I know Matt, lame, very lame:P[/quote]
Whenever the Mom is in the picture she dies.
[quote comment="60032"]So…if the forks are males and the spoons females…what is the knife?
Just curious.
Five’s a good number
:0)[/quote]
Those are some lucky spoons..
heeehehehe.
sexually charged silverware and Disney … i can’t handle this post! DELETE please
[quote comment="60035"]Oh for Chrissake.
It was the dish and spoon….saw it on ET Tonight, so I know it’s true.
[/quote]
The dish ran away with the spoon!
FTR…the spoons in question are sluts…slutty spoons.
OK, pretty sure it’s time for work now.
Haha…the knife running away with the spoon…the dish is going to be PISSED!
And, to clear the air Matt…
My lameness extends well beyond just cinematical (is that even a word?). I have, over the years, mastered the art of lame.
Bye all, have fun on the journey….
[quote comment="60025"]You are all cinematically LAME.[/quote]
I have the feeling that you closed your laptop and walked away after that comment.
what the hell do a dish and spoon have in common?? the knife and spoon are so much more aesthetically pleasing, but the dish may have had more to offer the spoon in terms of…in terms of…???
so what about the gingham cat? this is seriously bothering me…
While your on the topic of reading Matt, I just got done reading a book for the second time about a love story between a man and his dog titled, Marley And Me by John Grogan. If you haven’t read it, go to the book store and pick up a cop today. I’ts a favorite of mine. I KNOW you will love it. John is a Journalist and columnist from Pa. and this book was a #1 NY times bestseller.
Matt…Come on man, get in touch with the 8 year old girl in you!
Beauty and the Beast is a Disney masterpeice! I’m 27 and still got excited last year at Christmas when I bought the movie for my neice and snuggled up with her on the couch to watch it.
Off topic, this relates to your deleted post about cyber dating. I’ve been single for 2 years now after a long relationship. I hates dating because I keep meeting the world’s biggest douche-bags so I actually tried internet dating for a very breif period of time. It’s like shopping on ebay, bidding to find the world wide web’s biggest douche-bag. It’s impersonal, cold and kind of creepy actually. I’ve never actually met in person the guys that I talk to…cause let me tell ya, people have no censorship and WAY too much confidence when they are not in front of you. So in case you were ever going to consider this form of dating on a professional web site or with the creeps that sent you love notes after that last entry, do yourself a favor and don’t.
[quote comment="60045"]While your on the topic of reading Matt, I just got done reading a book for the second time about a love story between a man and his dog titled, Marley And Me by John Grogan. If you haven’t read it, go to the book store and pick up a cop today. I’ts a favorite of mine. I KNOW you will love it. John is a Journalist and columnist from Pa. and this book was a #1 NY times bestseller.[/quote]
I absolutely loved that book! I would read it during my commute on the skytrain and cried more than once. People must have thought I was a little unstable.
A HA! Thank you ceiling cat..my prayers have been answered…no wonder i wasnt getting anywhere with my gingham cat theory..
The gingham dog and the calico cat
Side by side on the table sat;
‘T was half-past twelve and (what do you think!)
Nor one nor t’other had slept a wink!
The old Dutch clock and the Chinese plate
Appeared to know as sure as fate
There was going to be a terrible spat.
(I wasn’t there; I simply state
What was told to me by the Chinese plate!)
The gingham dog went “bow-wow-wow!”
And the calico cat replied “mee-ow!”
The air was littered, an hour or so,
With bits of gingham and calico,
While the old Dutch clock in the chimney-place
Up with its hands before its face
For it always dreaded a family row!
(Now mind: I’m only telling you
What the old Dutch clock declares is true!)
The Chinese plate looked very blue,
And wailed, “Oh, dear! What shall we do!”
But the gingham dog and the calico cat
Wallowed this way and tumbled that,
Employing every tooth and claw
In the awfullest way you ever saw-
And, oh! How the gingham and calico flew!
(Don’t fancy I exaggerate-
I got my news from the Chinese plate!)
Next morning, where the two had sat
They found no trace of dog or cat;
And some folks think unto this day
That burglars stole that pair away!
But the truth about the cat and pup
Is this: They ate each other up!
Now what do you really think of that!
(The old Dutch clock it told me so,
And that is how I came to know.)
[quote comment="60027"]Hey, don’t you be knockin’ Disney movies now….how do you think we women ended up with that idea of the knight in shining armor coming to our rescue???
The Little Mermaid rocked! Ever wonder why none of the characters in any of the Disney classics never had a mother? Am I the only one? Seriously…Cinderella, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid….where’s the mom??
I know Matt, lame, very lame:P[/quote]
Did you also notice how they are all smokin’ hot??? How are we supposed to compete with that? I mean Ariel is wearing seashells as a bra and everything stays “right up there”. I understand she’s young and perky, but come on!
…zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance…
did they ever make a movie out of that one?
“Saving Sprite” by Mark Levin is a great read. About a man, his family and dealing with their beloved sick dog in his last days. Great for any dog lover.
cinematic ally lame?
when is the last time you had joe versus the volcano on?
[quote comment="60051"]“Saving Sprite” by Mark Levin is a great read. About a man, his family and dealing with their beloved sick dog in his last days. Great for any dog lover.[/quote]
I’ll have to get my hands on a copy of that one. Thanks. :)
Joe Vs. The Volcano is a CLASSIC film.
Yup, you can just tell sometimes that a certain post will cause a big unnecessary stir. Basically, everyone likes to point the finger without any blame. When you post an article that blames both sides equally like yours did, you just take heat from both sides, despite the fact that most people will agree about what you wrote about the OTHER gender.
The world makes me sleepy.
What’s good about JvtV? I can’t stand T Hanks so I prob wouldn’t have it o my ‘A’ list anyway. That said, I am intrigued by the fishbats thing though so I might just watch it for that… ;0)
I remember seeing Beauty and the Beast at the cinema. I would have been around 15 and felt very out of place going with a female friend a year or two older and a male friend of 18 or 19 who insisted to everyone he saw that he was only there because of my friend and I, when in fact it was him that really wanted to go and made us go along with him! I’m glad we went though as I really enjoyed it and I don’t care if that makes me lame.
I love that book.
[quote comment="60025"]You are all cinematically LAME.[/quote]
I KNOW!!!!
Lost Boys 2 started last week, I think.. My life is whole again..
OH speaking of Little Mermaid. Many don’t know this but Mermaid 3 is scheduled to come out in August, last time I checked.. YAY!!!
Holy Shit, people, it really is raining outside or something. I just read all the Disney posts… omfg… hilarious…
We’re all sitting inside wishing it was sunny, I think, so we could get out there and not sit on our computers talking about Disney..
Matt, as always……… YOU STARTED IT!!!!!! HA HA HAH.
p.s. Disney is an oddball, I agree. I was shocked to see Nemo hook back up with his dad at the end of that one.. but yes, momma dies….. It’s all about survival.. that is Disney’s motto, I gather…. children out there in the world finding themselves without parents. or taking what they learned from their parents, having them die and figuring it all out on their own.
Has anyone seen Wall-E yet? NOT FOR KIDS TO FIGURE OUT IMO… it’s cute for kids, interesting concept for adults to swallow, but they (kids) won’t understand what it stands for….
sorry, we’re on the movie topic right now, can’t help it..
Speaking of Disney, HS2 has been playing over and over on our tv for the past week. My son is 5 and follows everything my niece does… I am now officially a HS2 junkie….. I LOVE IT..
i’m being completely honest when i say that i’ve watched beauty and the beast twice this week and its creepy how you brought it up..
i love that movie
The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only way that the mediocre and vile can be transformed, and (c) doing that makes it that. We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
– Tom Robbins
Does he really believe that love is perfect? If people aren’t perfect and neither are relationships, then how is the love they share perfect?
so is evil dead 2 - which pound for pound is a better romance compared to “joe versus…” also.
“We’re goona get you, we’re goona get you”.. Omg summer of 85 Evil Dead..
Hard to believe that genius also did the spidey movies. Sam Raymi.
Right and further crazy is that Army of Darkness is the 3rd installment. It took me a few days to believe a boyfriend who told me that Army of Darkness is Evil Dead 3… my god, I had the biggest crush on Ash for years. ha hah a Ash.
OK holy shit, I’m on the Army of Darkness train now… and just discoverd Embeth Davitz, who was in Junebug was in it… NO WAY!!! Thanks Pitt, I have work to do here, I am getting nuttin done today.. :()
Dude, am I still cinematically lame? Junebug…. tell me you have seen Junebug.
[quote comment="60047"][quote comment="60045"]While your on the topic of reading Matt, I just got done reading a book for the second time about a love story between a man and his dog titled, Marley And Me by John Grogan. If you haven’t read it, go to the book store and pick up a cop today. I’ts a favorite of mine. I KNOW you will love it. John is a Journalist and columnist from Pa. and this book was a #1 NY times bestseller.[/quote]
I absolutely loved that book! I would read it during my commute on the skytrain and cried more than once. People must have thought I was a little unstable.[/quote]
John is writing another book about his life growing up with his dog named Shaun. One of the books that most influenced his life was “The Catcher in the Rye.” This book is another one of my favorites. He has a web site http://www.marleyandme.com I would love to meet him. He lives about an hour away from me, so perhaps at a local book signing. You know they are making a movie about “Marley and Me”. It’s going to be out around the holidays. Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson star in it. Can’t wait.
I can’t lie. Beauty and the Beast is my favorite disney movie… if not my all time favorite movie. I’m lame like that. The Ghostbusters, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Batman films are a pretty close second, though.
Only Matt Good could post a picture of cutlery and get so many responses. Who knew?
T-Lee your Grade?
Fail.
It’s “Bruce Campbell vs. the Army of Darkness”
Back to Nerd kindergarten for you.
Pitt you are HARSH!
T-Lee is our friend… be nice! :P
Mr. Pitt, I know it’s Bruce Campbell, silly.. I just love his screen name, Ash.
and No, it is not called that. It’s only called Army of Darkness.. dude wtf
p.s. what did i fail? for not calling it the right movie, or calling Sam Raymi a genious? confused.
There’s a certain sexiness to the dude. where is he now?
http://images.google.ca/images?hl=en&q=bruce campbell&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi
k i have no idea how that happened, but they wer eonly images of bruce campbell i swear to Good
I’m with Pat on this one - get your Evil Dead films straight for Christ sakes.
Are you guys fricking kidding me?
I know the Evil Dead Films.
OMFG.
I even went as far as to google exactly what Pitt said, ‘Bruce Vs. Army of Darkness’ and nuttin came up.
Is someone playing a joke on me, just now on facebook im and am not shitting you I’m having a convo about that I was rated most gullible in high school but this one takes the cake.
“Army of fucking Darkness” I’m not fucking losing it.
Ok, I’m losing it.
I’m snapping
I will drop kick you to the solor plexes.. i will.
Skinny legs & all is good Matt, but you want a real Robbins love story- It’s got to be “Still life with Woodpecker” Hands down!!!!! Where else can someone call you “Dragon bait” and have it be a sexy term of endearment?
I wish today, instead of being at work, that I could have been sitting with all of you in person having this conversation (over a few drinks of course). It would have been so animated and ridiculous. Sometimes it’s great to ignore the weight of the world and recharge the batteries with some good old silliness.
[quote comment="60027"]Hey, don’t you be knockin’ Disney movies now….how do you think we women ended up with that idea of the knight in shining armor coming to our rescue???
The Little Mermaid rocked! Ever wonder why none of the characters in any of the Disney classics never had a mother? Am I the only one? Seriously…Cinderella, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid….where’s the mom??
I know Matt, lame, very lame:P[/quote]
Lets see…where’s mom.
Cinderella- Dead.
Snow White- Dead.
Beauty and the Beast- Dead.
The Little Mermaid- I think they were avoiding the controversy of polygamy in a Disney movie.
Speaking of the little mermaid. Part 3 centres on Ariel’s mom.. wierd how she only had a father. what is the deal with Disney, man? Matt, don’t forget to take Lyla to that one. tee hee
And if Winnie The Pooh had a Mom she would probably be dead too! Thank god he’s just a stuffed with fluff toy that only comes to life in the mind of Christopher Robin. The only Disney movie I can think of right now where the Mom isn’t/doesn’t dead/die is Dumbo.
but in the lion king the father died
thats when disney mixed it up a bit
oh!! and Sleeping Beauty!! Mom is still alive in Sleeping Beauty!!
Good observation Palazzo.. Didn’t even think of that..
Are we bored tonite?
Does anyone wanna talk about High School Musical Yet? I LOVE IT.
Now I want to compare all the Disney carntoons and see how many of the main characters have dead or absent mothers compared to how may have a live and present mother. Not including the sequels. I think we may be on to something very Freaudian.
I think so too. Can we analyze High School Musical? I’m waiting patiently.
[quote comment="60190"]Good observation Palazzo.. Didn’t even think of that..
Are we bored tonite?
Does anyone wanna talk about High School Musical Yet? I LOVE IT.[/quote]
Procrastinating. I have to clean up before I go to bed. This is more interesting than cleaning up but I won’t be able to sleep if my place is a mess.
No input on High School Musical. I never saw it. That lead guy reminds me of a prepubescent Ken doll.
I see, you must be a virgo? or a scorpio? lol
I have been on this computer for 2 weeks. house a disaster, I have been sleeping grrrrrrrreat but I’m a gemini… hubby comes home tomorrow though.
SHIT! messy house. HE’S A VIRGOOOOOOOOOO. Thanks for the reminder.
I’m obsessed with HS, even more so after the naked pix scandal for Vanessa Hudgens.. sex sells?
Nothing wrong with over-organized Virgo’s. We have all our Disney movies ordered from newest to oldest so it’s easy to flip through and analyze…btw has anybody mentioned the whole Bambi thing? I mean…that’s one where Mom dies in the movie…there’s got to be something behind all this….
Gemini here as well. I think one of my personalities is a neat freak. Although several of my other personalities could care less, tonight neat freak wins out.
Bambi! Not only does his Mom die but his dad doesn’t want anything to do with him and pawns him off on some other doe. Like, “here’s your new Mom… sorry for your luck kid”.
I think we’ve decided one thing here…Disney is messed up.
I just realized that I used the non-word carntoon in a previous post. Should be CARTOON. Obviously I am getting a little too worked up over this Disney thing.
BTW on the silverware I see: a four legged animal, a faucet, the top of a woman’s V neck t-shirt, an anchor, a circle with a line through it, a rocking horse with no head or tail, the letter S with a hat on it, a broken pair of sunglasses, two people sleeping in hammocks that are stacked on above the other.
Analyze that. Time for bed now I think.
Sarah-Renee, I think Disney feels the only way kids survive is on their own… it’s a shitty message, but for whatever reason, we all get lost in the magic.. i think there must be a spell in all the movies and we get totally hypnotized.
Palazzo, wiiiiierd…….. because one of my personalities wishes I could just snap my fingers, since deep down it really grosses me out, the mess and the other personality says ‘go play’… it’s really annoying sometimes.
Quoting Matt, “You are all cinematically lame.” That’s what I thought. But I may fall into that category as for me, It’s Pride or Predjudice…..
“still life with woodpecker” absolutely wins
You are all too funny! Thanks for the laughs today - I am having the day from hell at work.
[quote comment="60205"]Bambi! Not only does his Mom die but his dad doesn’t want anything to do with him and pawns him off on some other doe. Like, “here’s your new Mom… sorry for your luck kid”.[/quote]
OK. I guess I’ll chime in here with some Disneyland dish. Bambi was the only movie that left me emotionally traumatized as a kid after his mom died. :(
I think we must go off in a new direction.
Has anyone seen Planet Terror yet? A freaking masterpiece.
Joe vs. the Volcano was a fantastic film!
“I have a brain cloud” :)
You know, I girl I once liked had mentioned Tom Robbins and so I looked into “Skinny Legs and All”, and I thought there were some memorable quotes. However, I do have to agree with you that he probably has had a few odd conversations, most likely with various inanimate objects. =)
(Still catching up… what’s the etiquette on commenting on old entries? Acceptable or annoying?)
Comment #20 made me laugh. Yes, I’ve seen that damn movie, too. Story about inner beauty, my ass… the (admittedly cartoon) chick’s got a waist you could wrap your hands around. (If you were also a cartoon.) Moral of the story is that even a monstrous, antisocial freak who scares little children will only fall for you if you’re hot.
I blame Disney for all my issues.
Joe vs. the Volcano? Really? I mean… really? -10 cool points.
It is “Bruce Campbell vs…”..>The shortened version of the title is one of its many “a.k.a’s”.
I am a huge comic book nerd, trust me.