Nine Girls At The Beach And A Dead Dog In A Suitcase
August 14, 2008, Matthew Good It’s been a fucked up day and it was polished off this evening by two stories relayed to me by friends that have to be shared…
Nine Girls At The Beach
Nine Paris Hilton lookalikes all in a row at Spanish Banks. All of them with small accessory dogs, huge sunglasses, t-bar bikini bottoms, one sits topless. For two hours not a word passes between them. All of them on their cell phones; talking, texting. The silence is finally broken when what appears to be the most popular of the hot girl pack is dumped by her boyfriend via text message and is consoled by topless girl.
Welcome to Vancouver.
A Dead Dog In A Suitcase
A girl is dog-sitting for friends and comes home to find that the dog has passed away. Devastated she calls the vet and they tell her to bring the dog in. She doesn’t drive, so she puts the dead dog into a suitcase and takes the bus. Visibly upset, a fellow passenger asks her what’s wrong. She makes up a story, tells him that she was just dumped by her boyfriend. She gets off the bus a block from the vet. The guy that was talking to her gets off too. The bus pulls away, the guy punches her in the face, knocking her unconscious. She awakes to find that he’s stolen the suitcase.
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A 40 year old woman with a tag of a nurse is yelling at two 20 something-year-olds for not bringing enough crack from New York (she gave them 400 dollars). Welcome to the Garden City.
Victoria: spare money for beer and pot?
Vancouver: spare change for sex change? (I was on my way to The Orpheum)
Now that first story is NEWS!
Poor ‘hot girl’, I wonder how she is doing now.
Perhaps her and ‘topless girl’ are having a slumber party tonight.
I may have a hard time sleeping wondering what is to come of this.
… who gives a fuck!?
So… by the way, how many people were killed today??? Just curious.
“For two hours not a word passes between them. All of them on their cell phones; talking, texting.”
Reminds me of today; while downtown I saw two girls, obviously friends, walking side-by-side, having a night together out on the town, both of them were completely absorbed in separate conversations on their cell phones. I couldn’t help but laugh aloud.
[quote comment="61725"] Victoria: spare money for beer and pot?
Vancouver: spare change for sex change? (I was on my way to The Orpheum)[/quote]
Sex changes aren’t cheap.
wow, I’ve actually heard the story of the dead dog in a suitcase a while ago from a friend that claimed she knew the girl it happened to. I still don’t know what to think of it.
[quote comment="61731"][quote comment="61725"] Victoria: spare money for beer and pot?
Vancouver: spare change for sex change? (I was on my way to The Orpheum)[/quote]
Sex changes aren’t cheap.[/quote]
I’d rather give money to support a sex change operation then a bad habit/addiction (however, I will not condemn an individual for having an addiction).
Interesting fact: Do you know that in order to have a sex change operation you must first be diagnosed with ‘gender identity disorder’?
Wow.
Some loose friend of mine has been living in Vancouver for years now. When she left home in about 2003, 3 girls accompanied her of which actually all three have returned to Dresden by now. Well, they might have had their reasons ;))
Gulp. I will need a chaperone then ;0)
You need to get out of there. Come and live in England in the countryside. The biggest thing that happens here is arguments over whether the Village Hall should stay or go. True.
xx
NINE Paris Hiltons!!!!!
F*ck me, that’s nearly enough for a government!! Obviously they were scheming something :0)
I don’t blame the Paris Hilton clones for texting other people instead of talking to one another. I mean… would you want to talk to those girls?
Dead dog in a suitcase… better than a garbage bag, I guess? Although, that might have been a good time to take a cab.
all I have to say for the second story is.. what
Oh God, not another dead dog story. That makes 81 in the last 24 hours, right Jane S.?
I’d have more intellectiuall conversation with a sand crab.
what kind of dog?
For the second story, I did not see the punch to the face coming.
[quote comment="61769"]For the second story, I did not see the punch to the face coming.[/quote]
Me either! Crazy.
[quote comment="61736"]Wow.[/quote]
ditto
Story 1: FAKE.
Unless someone provides pictorial evidence…
Anyone?
Before I was married I got dumped all the time - no topless girl ever consoled me.
[quote comment="61781"]Before I was married I got dumped all the time - no topless girl ever consoled me.[/quote]
You just didn’t go to the right places.
Hey Matt, I don’t suppose you have the dumped hot girl’s phone number? ;)
I bet I’m totally her type: a poor, scrawny, university student that owns ALL THREE extended Lord of the Rings movies. Oh yeah…
Wow, I did not see that punch in the face coming for the second story.. also, who the fuck does that? Damn…
[quote comment="61779"]Story 1: FAKE.
Unless someone provides pictorial evidence…
Anyone?[/quote]
I can verify that story 2 is real
http://www.shortnews.com/start.cfm?id=7220
Also, Guys, this ones for you. Did you ever have sex with a park bench? This is as good as it gets!!!
http://www.shortnews.com/start.cfm?id=72708
http://www.shortnews.com/start.cfm?id=72220
Sorry, short a 2 in the number
Yeah, yesterday was a pretty fucked up day.
But on the account of the third bear in Vancouver area and definitely not the Paris Hilton lookalikes.
Oh, and perhaps the New Cold War Era we might be seeing coming around the bend…
I had to check to see if there was a “Haha, I got you all” tag… but nope.
“For two hours not a word passes between them. All of them on their cell phones; talking, texting.”
Thing is, they were probably texting and talking to each other via cell phone, because, you know, like, that’s hot!
Hey…what is a T-bar bikini bottom anyway? Is that like a T-roof on an old Trans Am?
i know we lived in a fuc**** up world but this is crazy……its scary i think eventually things will escalate to the point people will just resort to marshal law….
[quote comment="61754"]NINE Paris Hiltons!!!!!
F*ck me, that’s nearly enough for a government!! Obviously they were scheming something :0)[/quote]
you give them far too much credit. ;)
The suitcase snatcher should rot in hell. It reminds me of when I took my dog for her final walk….I carried her to the vet because she wasn’t able to ride in the car anymore without falling off the seat and was harassed by a drunk on the way there. What was to be a very solemn, quiet, last moment shared between two best friends of 15 years became an extremely stressful thing. Despite my efforts to explain that I was taking my dog for her “final walk” and wanted to be alone, this person insisted on accompanying me and bullied her way into doing so. It still makes me sad that my dog’s last moments with me were filled with anxiety vs the quiet calm I wanted to give her.
that is ridiculous… sounds like something off of scary movie.. just cause its discusting and something you would never think would happen.. and a little funny… my god.
What a screwed up city…
[quote comment="61732"]wow, I’ve actually heard the story of the dead dog in a suitcase a while ago from a friend that claimed she knew the girl it happened to. I still don’t know what to think of it.[/quote]
Same here, although the version I heard featured the girl getting help from the guy to carry the suitcase, him wondering why it was so heavy, and her lying and saying it was a stereo system.
What an interesting reaction he must have had opening that bag later, huh?
nine. enough for a baseball team
2 more things to add to my list of “What is wrong with the world.”
[quote comment="61837"]nine. enough for a baseball team[/quote]
Look…if MG isn’t volunteering I want YOU to be my chaperone. I am just a girl from the country after all…;0)
They’re both fucked up stories, but I’ll be honest…the second one is more messed up than the first.
“For two hours not a word passes between them. All of them on their cell phones; talking, texting.”
This is why youth theatre doesn’t work in this town anymore. Back in my day (because 2003 was so very long ago), my group and I actually talked and collaborated…and now barely a word is spoke between the youth. How depressing. :(
That’s sick. How sad :(
Check out the film version of this urban myth! — a true story:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=GNpZxK6dmjk