Something I Hadn’t Seen Until Today
As most of you know, I’m not one for publicly patting myself on the back when it comes to those causes that I involve myself with. I have always believed that if you decide to involve yourself in the promotion of a cause that you do so because it’s the right thing to do, not because of the press that it will get you. That said; this year I was the recipient of the Canadian Mental Health Association’s Mental Health Voices Award for British Columbia, which is presented to an individual or group that has played a role in bringing attention to mental health issues. Last spring I filmed a short segment with them that they showed throughout the Province, one which I hadn’t seen until today.
My purpose for posting the following video is not to shower praise on myself, but rather because of the content that it contains regarding addressing mental illness and breaking down those barriers that many feel exist that stop them from seeking help. There is also a correction that must also be pointed out with regards to the video. I suffer from Type 2 Bipolarity, not Type 1.
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September 24th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
I watched this last night on NF…and spotted the same error (sorry). Very well said though. You should be very proud.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
I’ve had a close family member deal with a depression diagnosis for over 11 years now. Recently he was diagnosed with Bi-Polarity. In highschool, in my attempt to learn more about this, I continually did projects on Depression and mental illness. I am simply amazed at the openess that has occured in the short period of time since I left highschool and now. It’s talked about more freely, it’s slowly lose the horrible stigma attached to it, and it is solely as a result of the wonderful and open people like yourself, and the health care workers who are educating people about this, and allowing us to learn that not only is this something you don’t need to suffer with in silence, that actually opening up about it and releasing some of your fears can get you the help you need. Bravo on this video, it really is inspiring!
September 24th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Your openness has made me be more aware of those closest to me. I suspect that when you’re used to how someone is, you simply accept them as being that way, and may not realize that you can actually be perpetuating something painful like depression or mania.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
A great video, I applaud you and the actions you have taken in dealing with a mental illness, and for not taking the actions to get applaus! By your dealing with and being open about your issues this encourages others to do the same -its such a positive thing. Untreated mental illness runs in my family and its hard to watch and deal with but with the stigma attached to mental illness starting to slowing be chipped away maybe more positive changes can occur. I have OCD myself along with anxiety issues and I’m not hiding it anymore and I thank you in part for that. Your music helps me out during some of my really anxious moments as well as the courage you have shown, so thank you for that too!
September 24th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Absolutely deserved. Congratulations again, bud.
September 24th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
When you have a medical condition, you eventually have to come to terms with it and then are able to go on forward. Matt, it is great that you are in a position to influence a greater group of people than an average person.
In “Control”, the actor playing Ian Curtis did an amazing job portraying seizures, they should use that movie in schools because all provincial tapes look so artificial.
p.s. I don’t want to say this, but Canada is truly one of the most open and accepting countries for any health problems be it mental or physical
September 24th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Oh my goodness!!
I had never viewed this video previously either- wow!
I don’t know if I am hormonal or what but it brought a bit of a tear to my eye.
You’ve helped so many, just by telling your story- and have gone beyond that still. Another big congrats!
September 24th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Oh, and one more correction, my parents have three junos collecting dust, not two ;)
September 24th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Congratulations on the award Matt :)
I find myself in the same boat as laurakc does - during my worst anxiety attacks, listening to your music helps calm me, as well as going through every day life.
September 24th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
How come the error regarding the Type of Bipolar you have I wonder? A simple one to make I suppose, but attention to detail would be essential I would think.
September 24th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Ya, I found that a little strange too.
September 24th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
We have all been exposed to mental illness in our lives – whether ourselves, in our workplace, or through family and friends. I’ve witnessed the life-saving difference a proper diagnosis and drug treatment can make with close family members. Voices such as yours are much needed to remove the stigma often associated with mental health problems.
Lending your name and energy to this cause gives even greater credibility to the campaign’s message that seeking a proper diagnosis and treatment is empowering and can have a very positive effect on one’s life, without the fear of loosing one’s talent, creativity, genius and humour.
Kudos to you Matt!
September 24th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Good on you. You speak up for a lot of those who wouldn’t/couldn’t and you should be proud of that.
September 24th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Thank you for doing this. Such an important issue, and people like you who “go public” do so much for those who experience mental health issues, especially teens. Well deserved award.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Thank you Matt for sharing your experiences with your struggles of being bipolar. It takes a lot of ‘guts’ to come forward in public with your experience. It is a total unselfish act on your part to do so. It is something you did not have to do and by doing so will certainly help a lot of people become more informed about mental health and take away the stigma that unfortunately at times gets associated with it because of the lack of knowledge.
The last commercial I can remember on TV in my ‘next of the woods’ that was about mental health was made by the late Gilles Villeneuve (Formula 1 race car driver). That’s a long time ago. And it’s something that does not get enough media attention.
I had a family member 20 years ago that slipped into O.C.D (obsessive-compulsive-disorder) which eventually became a chronic condition to the point they had to commit themselves to a hospital. That’s when things started to get better. It took a few years to get their type and proper medication right as there were some slight ups and downs but I’m happy to say it is a symptom that has totally left them. Now 20 years later they are totally free of anxieties. But should they slip back towards the anxieties of OCD again we as a family now recognize it and know what to do.
Thanks again Matt!
September 24th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
[quote comment="66289"]Oh, and one more correction, my parents have three junos collecting dust, not two ;)[/quote]
You need your business manager or media person to proof/view these things before they go live. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind next time around, or consider asking them to correct the tape if it continues to be promoted :l)
September 24th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Mattthew,
Thank you so much for lending your voice. While I’ve been a fan of your music much longer than any of this came about, I too was only diagnosed later in life with ADHD & Major Depression. It’s gentlemen such as your self that help make it easier for others, such as myself to come out and discuss these things with others and that can only help in the long run.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Thanks for always being so open & real to your fans. Nice to see you using your celebrity side for something you truely believe in and receiving credit for it, unlike most celebs who are constantly being shoved in our faces because they walked down the street with a new scarf on. You deserve the pat on the back. Thanks for being you. :)
September 24th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Awesome. Quite a few of my friends have been diagnosed with some form of mental illness, and I know some of them have had a very rough time with it. 2 years ago, I was at a really hard time in my life. I felt like crap all the time, for no logical reason, I’m convinced it was some form of depression. I eventually saw a psychologist about it (who was actually probably one of the most arrogant people I’ve ever met, and didn’t really help me at all), who decided that it wasn’t “depression”, and it wasn’t in fact, anything. Thankfully (with no help from him), things managed to work themselves out in the end…though it certainly wasn’t easy. Anyway, I say this because before I started talking to people about how I was feeling, I was so concerned with the stigma, with how people would react, I was convinced that all my friends would abandon me and I’d be left alone, that I kept all of these feelings inside me, stewing together, creating horrible thought patterns. This went on for probably 4 months or so. It was the longest 4 months of my life. And all because I was so concerned about how others would view me.
Social stigma is a horrible thing.
I’m away at school now, and there are SO many resources available for the students here, it’s amazing. In orientation week, we bombard the first-years with messages like “don’t be afraid to ask for help”, and “you have x problem? that’s great, we have people in building y who can help you out with that!” I feel priveleged to have access to such a great resource system.
Sorry for the lengthy post, I just feel that this is a really important issue that holds a lot of personal meaning.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Your humbleness amazes me.
This merit is by and far well deserved.
You should be proud of how you’ve given this illness, or any mental illness for that matter, a voice … the voice that others are not able to project.
So allow me to pat you on the back because this is quite amazing.
Like your family and friends, your fans are behind you every step of the way.
Congratulations
September 24th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Matt, congratulations on your award. But moreover, congratulations on your amazing inner strength that has allowed you to not only come to terms with your illness, but extend yourself to others and help them through your personal experiences and compassion. That is the real award, perhaps your most greatest acheivement of all.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
By giving up so much of yourself to others, you have helped countless people……
You are a brave man and I admire someone like you. You are talented beyond words and still a kind human being.
Wishing you as always………
Love from Buffalo,
M.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Thanks for posting that.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
You’re one of the reasons I went to my doctor about my anxiety. I suppose before I thought it was a foreign thing or something that I didn’t think that I had or could understand. It turns out that I have Agoraphobia but I don’t think that I would have tried to figure it out if it wasn’t for you being able to do it. That’s what it took. I have you to thank for my first steps. Thanks always.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Congratulations Matt. Well deserved.
September 24th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
MATT,
i am personally a huge fan of your Political BLOG and also of your music. i usually stop by here everyday to check out your posts.
MY WIFE suffered from a similar realization as yours a few years ago, and was diagnosed with BP. So, your honesty and success as a person, your ‘outreach’ to the community at large, all means that much more to me simply because it’s important to know that people can rise above such difficlties. More than that, they can be leaders and inovators, they can change the world, even in their own small ways.
My wife is a successful professional, an artist, wife and a mother. I am proud of her!
Thanks again Matt, you are an inspiration. Don’t stop.
September 24th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
I got diagnosed as bipolar Type 2 this year. Between the depression and the mania I could barely hold it together for the last year at work, but I did everything I could in my power to try to hide it from all, but my closest friend. I didn’t want anyone to question my ability to handle my job. I don’t know why I was so afraid to seek help. I think what I feared most was losing control of my life. I was barely coping, but somehow it felt like defeat to go to a doctor and admit that I couldn’t handle myself anymore.
I started having anxiety attacks the year before and I thought I was dying. I went to my regular doctor to see what was wrong and when I started talking to him I broke down and was crying so violently that I couldn’t talk for almost 5 minutes. This was the best thing that ever happened to me. He gave me a Kleenex and just listened. He gave me some numbers to call if I had a crisis and told me to see him in a week. By the next week, I was feeling a little stronger so I said I’d try to still deal with it on my own.
I have a few medical conditions that require regular surveillance (thyroid, asthma) and every time I saw him for prescription refills over the next year, he’d ask about how things had been going. Over the next year, he compiled a pretty good history of my mental state.
When I accepted a high profile, high pressure position within the company I work for this past spring, I knew that I couldn’t afford to keep limping along in the way I had been any longer. I was in the middle of a bad mixed state and having serious trouble dealing with people. When depression was the predominant symptom, I was fighting back tears all day and hiding like a wounded animal. It’s hard to hide anything when you work in a large office. When I was predominantly manic, I couldn’t sleep and couldn’t focus enough to get anything done. I was taking copious amounts of Gravol, T3s, Benadryl, and prescription muscle relaxants, a new cocktail every night, to try to sleep. I was an accident waiting to happen.
I had now long since suspected I was bipolar, but when the time came that I was ready to take that first step to ask for help, it was still the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The fact that my doctor knew had some history about my condition made it easier to ask for help. I only had to ask for help and he took over right away. The sense of relief that I got at that moment was immense.
To be perfectly honest, the fact that Matt was open and honest about his condition made me much more willing to seek the help that I obviously needed. It made me feel like I wasn’t alone. Like I was in good company (no pun intended). Even after getting diagnosed I was still trying to hide it and I felt ashamed for doing so knowing how open Matt has been. He gave me the courage to start telling people I knew and it was the biggest relief to be able to stop hiding myself and be able to talk about the problems I was having. Having this label was actually empowering because it was an easy way to let people know what I’d been going through.
Now I share my experiences with people for not only my benefit, but also in the hopes that maybe there’s one person out there who I can make feel like they are not alone, whether it be in person or online.
When I was in the throes of my worst depressions and crying violently most nights as I tried to fall asleep, listening to In a Coma CD2 was the only thing that would comfort me and calm me down. When I finally got to meet Matt for the first time after a show in June, I brought it with me and got him to sign it. As I stood in line at the foot of the stairs to the bus, I thought what do you say to a man who’s carried you through so many rough times without even knowing it? How do you even begin to express the profound gratitude you feel for someone who’s helped give you your life back? As he gave me back the CD I said the only words that made any sense, “Thanks, man.”
September 24th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
You are a remarkable man that deserves this award.
Thanks for speaking the truth, not hiding the truth and wanting to help others in need.
This is why so many people love you Matt!
September 24th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Matt, I’m wondering if I can perhaps use a portion of this video for a class presentation.
I’m in first-year nursing at a school in Victoria, and we’re doing a small project involving mental health and perspectives of people suffering from mental illnesses. Obviously there can be difficulties communicating mental illness, so sharing your experience fits brilliantly into what my small group intends to do with our presentation; giving a voice to individuals living with mental illnesses.
my email is marc.stocker@stumail.camosun.bc.ca
If you would like to know more about what our presentation seeks to accomplish, or if you could tell me if I should or should not use your video, please give me an email.
The presentation is next Monday (the 1st of October), so hopefully I could know before then?
Thank you very much, and congratulations on the award.
September 24th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
There isn’t explicit clarity on the differences between Bipolar 1 and 2. From what I understood after reading various articles online, Bipolar 1 has longer lasting mania. Is this correct?
September 24th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
[quote comment="66317"]I got diagnosed as bipolar Type 2 this year. Between the depression and the mania I could barely hold it together for the last year at work, but I did everything I could in my power to try to hide it from all, but my closest friend. I didn’t want anyone to question my ability to handle my job. I don’t know why I was so afraid to seek help. I think what I feared most was losing control of my life. I was barely coping, but somehow it felt like defeat to go to a doctor and admit that I couldn’t handle myself anymore.
I started having anxiety attacks the year before and I thought I was dying. I went to my regular doctor to see what was wrong and when I started talking to him I broke down and was crying so violently that I couldn’t talk for almost 5 minutes. This was the best thing that ever happened to me. He gave me a Kleenex and just listened. He gave me some numbers to call if I had a crisis and told me to see him in a week. By the next week, I was feeling a little stronger so I said I’d try to still deal with it on my own.
I have a few medical conditions that require regular surveillance (thyroid, asthma) and every time I saw him for prescription refills over the next year, he’d ask about how things had been going. Over the next year, he compiled a pretty good history of my mental state.
When I accepted a high profile, high pressure position within the company I work for this past spring, I knew that I couldn’t afford to keep limping along in the way I had been any longer. I was in the middle of a bad mixed state and having serious trouble dealing with people. When depression was the predominant symptom, I was fighting back tears all day and hiding like a wounded animal. It’s hard to hide anything when you work in a large office. When I was predominantly manic, I couldn’t sleep and couldn’t focus enough to get anything done. I was taking copious amounts of Gravol, T3s, Benadryl, and prescription muscle relaxants, a new cocktail every night, to try to sleep. I was an accident waiting to happen.
I had now long since suspected I was bipolar, but when the time came that I was ready to take that first step to ask for help, it was still the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The fact that my doctor knew had some history about my condition made it easier to ask for help. I only had to ask for help and he took over right away. The sense of relief that I got at that moment was immense.
To be perfectly honest, the fact that Matt was open and honest about his condition made me much more willing to seek the help that I obviously needed. It made me feel like I wasn’t alone. Like I was in good company (no pun intended). Even after getting diagnosed I was still trying to hide it and I felt ashamed for doing so knowing how open Matt has been. He gave me the courage to start telling people I knew and it was the biggest relief to be able to stop hiding myself and be able to talk about the problems I was having. Having this label was actually empowering because it was an easy way to let people know what I’d been going through.
Now I share my experiences with people for not only my benefit, but also in the hopes that maybe there’s one person out there who I can make feel like they are not alone, whether it be in person or online.
When I was in the throes of my worst depressions and crying violently most nights as I tried to fall asleep, listening to In a Coma CD2 was the only thing that would comfort me and calm me down. When I finally got to meet Matt for the first time after a show in June, I brought it with me and got him to sign it. As I stood in line at the foot of the stairs to the bus, I thought what do you say to a man who’s carried you through so many rough times without even knowing it? How do you even begin to express the profound gratitude you feel for someone who’s helped give you your life back? As he gave me back the CD I said the only words that made any sense, “Thanks, man.”[/quote]
Just thought you should know that this article is very touching. Kudos to you for being so brave.
September 24th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Thanks for the video.
Seeing as I dislike going to the doctors, I haven’t been diagnosed again in a few years, but it seems I have nice mix of depression, OCD, and anxiety. I can’t help some of the things I do and as the result of that I was called ignorant at work. Really shows who is ignorant, especially when you’ve tried to explain why and they say they don’t care.
Trying to get in to see a psychiatrist in Calgary is impossible with the wait lists. They didn’t send my referral out until a few weeks after it was made, and because of that, I can’t get in to see someone before I move. I guess my last choice is to go see a doctor and try whatever they decide to put me on.
Congrats, well deserved.
September 24th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Matt, You are the light at the end of the tunnel for so many. Keep up the good work.
September 24th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
A few more things:
1) you mention your mom, and how she brought you a beer in the shower. I was quite touched by this, because in working with families who have a mentally ill child, I see so many parents who love their kids SO much, they don’t know what to do, and will do ANYTHING to make them okay. I can imagine it has been quite a time for your parents as well, going through this with you, and I think it is sooo important for them to understand they are not alone. When my mom joined BC Schizophrenia Society (my sister has schizoaffective disorder) she came home and said “We’re not the only ones!” She was amazed and it helped her and my dad get through it. The importance of including the family can’t be overstated.
2) What you have done is in no way insignificant, b/c of what you say at the end: by speaking out and being public, you take on a responsibility for others who identify with you. That you have chosen to do that is amazing. From my own perspective, my sister was able to accept her diagnosis because she is an artist and she saw other artists who also have mental health problems. It made all the difference.
3) finally, I would strongly recommend Kay Redfield Jamison’s books. She is a professor of psychiatry who was diagnosed with Bipolar 1. She writes of the illness from the inside out, and also has linked it in her research to creativity (”An Unquiet Mind” and “Touched by Fire” as well as ” Night Falls Fast” about suicide).
Again, thank you, as a family member and mental health professional.
September 24th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Matt, no words can describe the remarkable person that you are. That is an award well deserved and to be immensely proud of. I turned to you (not personally of course (; ), to your music, your blog, your art, when I felt there was nothing left of me. I suffered from generalized anxiety disorder and agoraphobia my entire life.. it was you that gave me the courage to finally do something about it.. to get help. There were definitely a few solid years in there where my routine was; wake up to a night of not having slept, vomit your brains out, try to eat throughout the day but fail to, get back home and pretend that this is completely normal, and once again fight to fall asleep just to start the cycle all over again. I got really thin and everyday was a nightmare. But then your infamous blog post came along.. the one that changed my life. The one in which you described your entire life up to date and revealed the burden of bipolarity that you were forced to deal with. A few months went by and I got the courage to start to tell some of my friends what I was going through, and then a few month later I told my parents in a letter that I needed help to be able to get on comfortably with my life. This is something that I never, EVER, would of had the courage to do if it weren’t for having found you. In May of this year, I had the chance of finding you in Toronto for a split second before the incredible show at Massey. All I had time to do was hand you a letter… (which I almost didn’t do cause I absolutely froze at the sight of you aha) and as I was walking away from that brief 15 second encounter, all I could think was, ‘woah that was the man who helped me turn my life around, he was there, right there in front of me.. he took my little insignificant envelope and held on to it even though he didn’t have to..’. But that was just the tip of the iceberg, because Monday night, but a mere 4 days later, I arrived home from a shit day at school and found that crappy little insignificant envelope sitting on my kitchen counter. Matt I cried like a baby! I just couldn’t rap my head around the fact that it made it back to me.. that YOU wrote back to me.. the letter is now framed and mounted on my bedroom wall, I read it everyday. And every week Matt, on my way to therapy, I pass under a bridge on which is graffitied; “Fight war not wars, Destroy power not people” and I smile, because it reminds me of you, and to where you got me. All I can say Matt is thanks, thanks for being here for all of us. You are an amazing individual, congratulations.
September 24th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Congrats Matt, it’s well deserved.
September 24th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Thanks for sharing that Matt, that’s very well earned. Be very proud.
September 24th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
My sister and father both suffer from different types of depression. My sister has bipolarity and it was a struggle over many years, different types of medication, and finally the right doctor that found the right diagnosis and combination of medication. I’ve seen it first hand like many here on this post and I’m very happy to see the comfort that both my family members get out of Matt’s music. There is an honesty to your music and having experienced similar things around me to what you have I can really relate. I think this is why when many of your songs pop up daily in my playlists or in the four concerts I’ve seen you at in the past year I get chills.
Thank you so much for speaking out on this subject, it has meant a lot to all those affected!
Jon Hutcheon :)
September 24th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
I think it’s great that you reach out to people by telling your story. Congrats on the award! You’re a true inspiration
September 24th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
[quote comment="66328"]Matt, no words can describe the remarkable person that you are. That is an award well deserved and to be immensely proud of. I turned to you (not personally of course (; ), to your music, your blog, your art, when I felt there was nothing left of me. I suffered from generalized anxiety disorder and agoraphobia my entire life.. it was you that gave me the courage to finally do something about it.. to get help. There were definitely a few solid years in there where my routine was; wake up to a night of not having slept, vomit your brains out, try to eat throughout the day but fail to, get back home and pretend that this is completely normal, and once again fight to fall asleep just to start the cycle all over again. I got really thin and everyday was a nightmare. But then your infamous blog post came along.. the one that changed my life. The one in which you described your entire life up to date and revealed the burden of bipolarity that you were forced to deal with. A few months went by and I got the courage to start to tell some of my friends what I was going through, and then a few month later I told my parents in a letter that I needed help to be able to get on comfortably with my life. This is something that I never, EVER, would of had the courage to do if it weren’t for having found you. In May of this year, I had the chance of finding you in Toronto for a split second before the incredible show at Massey. All I had time to do was hand you a letter… (which I almost didn’t do cause I absolutely froze at the sight of you aha) and as I was walking away from that brief 15 second encounter, all I could think was, ‘woah that was the man who helped me turn my life around, he was there, right there in front of me.. he took my little insignificant envelope and held on to it even though he didn’t have to..’. But that was just the tip of the iceberg, because Monday night, but a mere 4 days later, I arrived home from a shit day at school and found that crappy little insignificant envelope sitting on my kitchen counter. Matt I cried like a baby! I just couldn’t rap my head around the fact that it made it back to me.. that YOU wrote back to me.. the letter is now framed and mounted on my bedroom wall, I read it everyday. And every week Matt, on my way to therapy, I pass under a bridge on which is graffitied; “Fight war not wars, Destroy power not people” and I smile, because it reminds me of you, and to where you got me. All I can say Matt is thanks, thanks for being here for all of us. You are an amazing individual, congratulations.[/quote]
Margo, you are an amazing individual. Thank you for your courage in posting this. What you took from Matt you will give to others, and so it goes….
And to the others who have posted their individual stories, thank you. Your courage is recognized, appreciated and honoured.
September 24th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
I love you for your compassion towards all that matters. Compassion is true and shades all efforts of pretence.
September 24th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
It’s been said already but Congratulations, it is very well deserved!
September 24th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Actually I came across this a few weeks ago on You Tube while searching for Buffalo concert clips. I thought it was something previously posted on your website that I had somehow missed. Congratulations on this much deserved award.
September 24th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Wow! I am blown away by the quality and compassion of the people who frequent and post comments on this site. It’s a real eye opener.
September 24th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Congratulations Matt. You truly deserve recognition for your courage.
September 24th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
I’m proud of you Matty. You deserve it.
Keep up the good work.
September 24th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
You’re a different cat man. Thats what makes you so cool too me. Its an illness but i see such brilliance shining through, and thanks for the strength to make that happen. Cheers! And GO ARSENAL!!!!
September 24th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Good job Matt, im proud of you. keep it up.
your are a true insparation to me, and so many more.
September 24th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
[quote comment="66322"]There isn’t explicit clarity on the differences between Bipolar 1 and 2. From what I understood after reading various articles online, Bipolar 1 has longer lasting mania. Is this correct?[/quote]
I’ve done a fair bit of online reading on the subject this past year. Most websites don’t explain the difference well at all. Maybe that’s because bipolarity, in itself, manifests itself slightly differently from person to person and the difference between Type 1 and Type 2 is only a matter of degrees.
I bought Kay Redfield Jamison’s book ‘Touched with Fire’ in 1995 and have read it several times since. Her definition always stuck with me because it zeroes in on the key differences in a few sentences. According to her summary, the two types are identical except for the severity of the mania. In the 1st Edition (1993) Page 14 she states:
“Bipolar I disorder, what one thinks of as “classic” manic-depressive illness, refers to the most severe form of affective illness; individuals diagnosed as bipolar I must meet the full diagnostic criteria for both mania and major depressive illness. Bipolar II disorder, on the other hand, is defined as the presence or history of at least one major depressive episode, as well as the history of less severe manic episodes (that is, hypomanias, which do not cause pronounced impairment in personal or professional functioning, are not psychotic in nature, and do not require hospitalization).”
I have a problem with the phrase “pronounced impairment” because it’s fairly subjective. Where does “slight” end and “pronounced” begin in terms of personal or professional functioning? It’s relative.
I think, in a nutshell, that regardless of how good or bad you feel, if you are functioning in society without getting yourself into significant trouble with the banks or the law and you are not posing a significant threat to yourself or others you are Type 2.
Does that help?
September 24th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Congrats Matt. It’s always good to have someone in your position speak for those who have difficulty speaking for themselves.
September 24th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Dear Matt, Just your music alone is helping my son through some interesting times…. but your courage and strength has made me be stronger for him, knowing we have the music and the real you being honest with yourself and your fans. Sharing makes the world a better place………….
Thanks for comin out.
September 24th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
I don’t know you, and I never will, but it’s been entirely encouraging to have someone so respectable live up to that trait and keep me from feeling so alone in this battle.
September 24th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
I can’t believe the things you do for the world around you.
Good on you.
September 24th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
500 people commit suicide in BC every year? Is hat abnormally high compared to the other provinces?
This may be a weir question but….
Has anyone that you have parted ways with in the past (for whatever reason) approached or contacted you after hearing that you were (finally) diagnosed with a legitimate mental illness? I guess what I’m asking is if the diagnoses has ever “helped” or “mended” any broken friendships or relations.
September 24th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
“that” and “weird”
I’m sorry. It’s 3AM here and I can’t sleep.
And I miss the edit feature.
September 24th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
[quote comment="66337"][quote comment="66328"]Matt, no words can describe the remarkable person that you are. That is an award well deserved and to be immensely proud of. I turned to you (not personally of course (; ), to your music, your blog, your art, when I felt there was nothing left of me. I suffered from generalized anxiety disorder and agoraphobia my entire life.. it was you that gave me the courage to finally do something about it.. to get help.
[...]
Matt I cried like a baby! I just couldn’t rap my head around the fact that it made it back to me.. that YOU wrote back to me.. the letter is now framed and mounted on my bedroom wall, I read it everyday. And every week Matt, on my way to therapy, I pass under a bridge on which is graffitied; “Fight war not wars, Destroy power not people” and I smile, because it reminds me of you, and to where you got me. All I can say Matt is thanks, thanks for being here for all of us. You are an amazing individual, congratulations.[/quote]
Margo, you are an amazing individual. Thank you for your courage in posting this. What you took from Matt you will give to others, and so it goes….
And to the others who have posted their individual stories, thank you. Your courage is recognized, appreciated and honoured.[/quote]
Thanks Susie, that means a lot. Talking about this used to be no easy task, i guess Matt’s to thank for giving me the confidence boost i needed ;)
September 24th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
God Bless
xoxo
September 24th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
I saw this last week. Didn’t know you didn’t see it until now.
Thank you for everything. :)
September 24th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
Just reminded me how lucky we are to still have you around. It also made me realize how many suicides are misreported as intentional, probably a significant proportion are not willful but accidental. If you had not survived, most likely that incident would have been put down to willful suicide.
September 25th, 2008 at 6:46 am
well deserved indeed and kudos to the association for recognizing you in this way. In my opinion, having you tell your story carries so much more weight. Although you may not think so, you’re brave for putting yourself out there like that and for being so vocal about something that most people are so ashamed of and would rather just live by themselves.
Well done!
September 25th, 2008 at 6:50 am
Quoting Matthew Good: …”because of the content that it contains regarding addressing mental illness and breaking down those barriers that many feel exist that stop them from seeking help.”
To this end, I’m glad to see our elected government is also taking action and supporting advocacy groups such as the Canadian Mental Health Association. We have a meeting with Senator Kirby and the research arm of the Mental Health Commission in October to present more conclusive data on the diagnosis and treatment of depressive and psychotic disorders [which by the way points to Quebecers being the most depressed and Albertans being the least depressed in Canada].
Their action plan [“Out of the Shadows at Last”] to facilitate a national dialogue on the subject and to improve quality and access to mental health services has great merit. But I hope their effort will go beyond the rhetoric to make a real difference in our walk-in clinics and hospitals.
For those who are interested, Kirby’s comment to the CMAJ is available at: http://www.cmaj.ca/cgi/content/full/178/10/1320
September 25th, 2008 at 7:16 am
Congratulation Matt,
This issue consumes so many lives. I wish I had the support systems in the early 1990’s. My inability to come to terms with my mental illness caused great pain for my friends and family. The leadership and advice I received at that time told me to suck it up and get on with life. All this advice brought me very close to killing myself . I lost my marriage, my daughter, my job and the life I had in Vancouver. Luckily I had parents who kept believing in me. Finally, during the later part of the 1990’s, I found the right doctor (with my parents help), the correct meditation (took four tries to find the right one) and changed my attitude towards accepting the fact that I am flawed. I now have a great relationship with my daughter and I do not live every day wondering how I should kill myself. I share this part of life to let everyone who is dealing with mental health issues, particular Bi-polar, that their is hope no matter how hopeless you feel. I’m not saying it is easy and the greatest issue for me is to accept the responsibility that I have to work every day to maintenance my disease. The fight never ends but with the right tools and support, it becomes much easier to cope.
All humans have flaws. Nobody is perfect. Once you accept the fact that you are flawed, you can accept or seek out the help that is everywhere. Hopefully by echoing this fact that Matt so eloquently has written about, it will continue to increase the awareness that brought this recognition to Matt for his attention to the cause of bringing light into the darkness of Mental illness.
“All you need is love” - The Beatles
September 25th, 2008 at 7:18 am
…can you hear me clapping?
Big kudos to You for facing your own disorder and for speaking out in order to help others!
September 25th, 2008 at 7:35 am
Because of you so many other people are willing to take a closer look at their lives. I kind of identify with your description of going through your life not really realizing what, if anything, was going on. Until you are properly diagnosed and most importantly, treated, do you start to feel like a half normal person again. Unfortunately, for most, it typically takes a break down to come to that conclusion. I know the actual award means very little but your courage has helped many. Congratulations and thank you.
September 25th, 2008 at 8:45 am
I though I would share my story since so many of you have been so open. It is very touching and helpful.
I am going to turn 26 on the 30th and it is something that I truly did not expect to be here to experience. This past March I attempted suicide. This was not supposed to be an attempt, it was supposed to work. I have been diagnosed and suffered from anxiety and depression since high school. I didn’t realize that I had gone into another severe depression caused by a sort of identity crisis. I stopped working (I’m a High School teacher and I love it more than anything), I stopped paying my bills, seeing my friends, or talking to my family.
One night I decided I was going to die. I took all of my prescription medication and tried to cut my wrist. I ended up overdosing on my meds and stayed awake in a semi-conscious state all night. My sister and the paramedics and police arrived the next morning at 8 am.
I lived, with no serious physical side effects. The rebuilding of my life is taking a long time. I am on steady medication, I go to an amazing therapist once a week, and I have completely turned my life around. I am working to get back into my career, I have a new group of strong wonderful friends, and I am ready to keep on keeping on.
I feel like this experience has given me something that I didn’t have before. I have to live with a scar on my wrist, and it is hard for me when people notice it. But I am who I am and I am not going to regret what I did. I am going to learn from it and hopefully help others by sharing what I have learned.
I have mentionned before on this blog how much I enjoy coming here. But posts like this really make my heart smile.
Thanks everyone!
September 25th, 2008 at 8:58 am
[quote comment="66361"]500 people commit suicide in BC every year? Is hat abnormally high compared to the other provinces?[/quote]
not really no…the Alberta statistic was 450 last year. Unfucking real, eh?
September 25th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Matt,
Congratulations on the award. Well deserved.
September 25th, 2008 at 9:30 am
[quote comment="66399"][quote comment="66361"]500 people commit suicide in BC every year? Is hat abnormally high compared to the other provinces?[/quote]
not really no…the Alberta statistic was 450 last year. Unfucking real, eh?[/quote]
Interesting and sad statistic. Where I previously stated in my entry that Albertans consume the least amount of anti-depressants in Canada, this may represent a real problem when considered alongside the high suicide rate in Alberta. Meaning that there are likely many Albertans suffering from severe depression who are not being diagnosed and treated effectively.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:28 am
I first leaned of Matt from a friend of his, who also has mental illness. His friend and I frequent a mental health site devoted to support and education, which includes many very knowledgable members. One day, in one of his postings, Matt’s friend had the words to Apparitions with a link to the video. I was very intrigued with the words, so I clicked the link. In a matter of seconds, I was blown away that these very sad, but powerful lyrics, had such beatiuful music and a beautiful voice behind them. That was the beginning of some of the best music I have grown to love in a matter of a short time.
I would of never joined this site, if it wasn’t for the fact that Matt’s honest writing’s about his struggles, triumphs, and that he is an exceptional person, that I admire and respect. It didn’t take long to figure that out either. According to his friend, what you see is what you get with Matt, and he was right.
Matt’s friend is still struggling to find the right medication to treat his illness. One size does not fit all. Sometimes it can take years to get it right. Most of the time, proper diagnosis and treatment are missed. On average, it can take up to 10 years until people get the right treatment. That’s why it is so important to spread awareness. I don’t want anyone to go through what I did . I wrote to Matt, and told him how I diagnosed myself after doing alot of research. I have helped alot of people over the years and it has been very rewarding. I pray that all of you who are in remission like me, don’t forget about others who are where you were at one time……Give back…..
September 25th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Congratulations again. As everyone else has said, it’s wonderful to see someone in the public eye so open about something so personal. I know you quite often hear from those you’ve helped (I include myself in that group), but I’m sure the actual number is far greater than you’d ever think.
The stigma surround mental illness is so difficult to fight, and I know that firsthand because, while I never, ever judge anyone else with such an illness, I still manage to judge myself for my own. In anyone else, I accept it just as if they were diagnosed with diabetes or asthma; but for some reason, I can’t extend that understanding to myself. I should be stronger… mind over matter… don’t be such a victim… toughen up (all things I’ve been told by others, incidentally). It’s as if I think I can just will my brain to be “normal” (whatever that is). I guess it’s just more of that societal pressure to be perfect (whatever that is, too)… I just feel damaged and defective most of the time. (And then, because I’m not actually an idiot and I rationally realize that you CAN’T just mind-over-matter these things, I feel even more defective for not being able to make myself believe that.)
So: all that to say, it’s extremely helpful to me to see someone so matter-of-fact and accepting of his own illness, especially someone I highly respect apart from all that. And reading other people’s stories on here helps, too. I wish I could be more open about things; I’m only semi-open online, and completely secretive in real life. I hope one day that will change.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:35 am
[quote comment="66397"]I though I would share my story since so many of you have been so open. It is very touching and helpful.
I am going to turn 26 on the 30th and it is something that I truly did not expect to be here to experience. This past March I attempted suicide. This was not supposed to be an attempt, it was supposed to work. I have been diagnosed and suffered from anxiety and depression since high school. I didn’t realize that I had gone into another severe depression caused by a sort of identity crisis. I stopped working (I’m a High School teacher and I love it more than anything), I stopped paying my bills, seeing my friends, or talking to my family.
One night I decided I was going to die. I took all of my prescription medication and tried to cut my wrist. I ended up overdosing on my meds and stayed awake in a semi-conscious state all night. My sister and the paramedics and police arrived the next morning at 8 am.
I lived, with no serious physical side effects. The rebuilding of my life is taking a long time. I am on steady medication, I go to an amazing therapist once a week, and I have completely turned my life around. I am working to get back into my career, I have a new group of strong wonderful friends, and I am ready to keep on keeping on.
I feel like this experience has given me something that I didn’t have before. I have to live with a scar on my wrist, and it is hard for me when people notice it. But I am who I am and I am not going to regret what I did. I am going to learn from it and hopefully help others by sharing what I have learned.
I have mentionned before on this blog how much I enjoy coming here. But posts like this really make my heart smile.
Thanks everyone![/quote]
I write this with eyes welled up with tears and not b/c of where you were but b/c you are still here and have somehow mustered it up to live your life! As I read your blog, I thought about all that you have to offer to students just by who you are…not Just Amanda, but by AMANDA!
I wish you a happy and long life Amanda!
September 25th, 2008 at 11:11 am
[quote comment="66397"]I though I would share my story since so many of you have been so open. It is very touching and helpful.
[...]
I have mentionned before on this blog how much I enjoy coming here. But posts like this really make my heart smile.
Thanks everyone![/quote]
Thank you for posting Amanda. I think your story, as with the others, illustrates that rather than being weak, those with mental health problems have incredible courage and strength. I am very glad to hear you were unsuccessful! Being that you are a teacher, you already do touch so many lives. I once had a plan to kill myself when I turned 30. 12 years later, I’m really glad I changed my mind…
Peace, within and without
Susie
September 25th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Congratulations Matt - your efforts at bringing awareness to mental illness are certainly laudable. You have helped so many that may have otherwise suffered in silence, feel powerful and courageous to face their illness and receive the proper treatment in order to live a balanced life.
You are a wonderful role model by displaying your own life journey so openly, so thank you for sharing your story.
~
September 25th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I second what seriousbusiness said about us being lucky to still have you around, Matt. Even though I don’t know you personally, I shudder to think of a world without you–it would surely be a darker place.
In any case, many congratulations on the award! You definitely deserve to have praise showered on you for your openness about your struggle, your commitment to erasing the stigma attached to mental illness, and your commitment to helping people who suffer from it. Just from reading the comments to this entry, it’s clear you’ve had a tremendous impact on many people’s lives (and thanks to everyone who’s shared their stories).
I was also amazed by the part of the interview where you mentioned calling people who contacted you while suicidal, and staying on the phone with them until they got help. Wow. Your compassion and dedication to others blows me away. What other celebrity would do that? It might sound cheesy, but you make me want to be a better person.
September 25th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
[quote comment="66445"]I was also amazed by the part of the interview where you mentioned calling people who contacted you while suicidal, and staying on the phone with them until they got help. Wow. Your compassion and dedication to others blows me away. What other celebrity would do that? It might sound cheesy, but you make me want to be a better person.[/quote]
Forget “celebrity”, how many other people would do that? I know some who would; but I also know some who would just as soon pretend nothing is going on and just go about their lives; and I even know some who would quite literally leave you for dead. Crisis can bring out the best or the worst in people… or maybe it just brings out true nature.
September 25th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
[quote comment="66459"][quote comment="66445"]Crisis can bring out the best or the worst in people… or maybe it just brings out true nature.[/quote]
Well said.
September 25th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
[quote comment="66402"]Matt,
Congratulations on the award. Well deserved.[/quote]
Mini Van Mom, how are you doing? I remember you!
September 25th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Donkeygrey, thank you so very much for posting your story. I’m quite grateful that you had the courage to talk about everything you had gone through, because speaking out can often be a struggle. Glad to see you providing such insightful words.
Everyone here who is speaking their thoughts about mental illness deseve to be appreciated. Mental illness is something that needs more attention, especially in the medical field.
Before I continue this post, I’d just like to give mister Good a warm congratulations for standing up those with illnesses, and giving them a voice when they may not have been able to find it themselves. I would also like to thank mister Good for creating and composing the song ‘While We Were Hunting Rabbits’, which has become one of my favourite songs of all time. It has changed my existance, and inspired various artistic themes. A current drawing project for school is greatly inspired by the song. There was also a moment when my family and me were in Vancouver and driving across a harbour bridge. It was raining heavily, and the song was playing, while I watched the rain fall into the ocean. It was some type of perfect moment.
I have never been officially declared as having a mental illness, but my mind twists and deforms my often then it should. A mental unstableness started to form at a younger age. At this time, I did not have a life outside of the computer and internet. I spent all day, every day just staring at a computer screen, and talking to friends whom I only knew online. I was very quiet, almost mute, in real life social situations, as well as reclusive. I was actually quite the jerk to people who tried to be friendly, and grew a major inferiority complex.
When I say that I felt like I had no friends, other than online, that just makes it sound like I was a nerd. I had isolated myself from everyone, and everything. I lost all of the friends that I did know, for shallow reasons such as how inflated my head had gotten. Even the only friends I felt that I had were mistreated with harsh sarcasm and insults.
I had lost one of my greatest friends for a short while, because I was a flat-out insincere dick to them, with no consideration for their feelings. The only feelings that I had were for somebody I could never have, which became a problematic obsession. I felt like this unrequited desire was my first real love, and I clung on to him because I was so isolated from the rest of the world.
I created a fantasy world in my mind as a form of escapism from loneliness. I created an imaginary friend. Living in my mind so much, and barely speaking a word, had lead to my mind going much too far ahead itself.
I still believe that I am eternally grateful for my online friends to get me through this. They made me laugh, and feel like there was a reason to wake up every morning. They even drew pictures for me of my unrequited love, and accepted it.
Appearently, I have been diagnosed with something known as non-verbal disorder. A basic definition of this is not being able to express feelings through words very well, but through facial expressions. A sad looking face reveals that the person is sad, even if they don’t want to talk about it.
In this day, I have been able to meet many friends and have more courage to speak and socialize, as well as treat people with the respect they deserve. It’s very fufilling, especially because there was a time when I never wanted friends.
Now I have a phobia of being alone. Not just a simple annoyance, but a real fear. I had once gone to the local town lake to finish some art homework, and was there alone. It went fine at first, enjoying the sunshine and drawing. I had stayed many hours with nobody to talk to. Some part of my mind had told me that I should hurt myself. It was late and dark out now, and I walked down to the beach, to stand in front of the beach. I was mentally unstable at this point I walked out across the rocks of the lake, and wanted to jump in the rushing waves.
A number of panic attacks had happened previoulsly to this day, which were very frightening, as the death knell seemed to ring. Never saw a doctor or psychiatrist.
This was much too lengthy. It was not written for myself. I never do anything for myself; I only live for helping others. Somebody told me something similar to this, and it was inspiring.
Often I will talk to people who are suicidnd try to console them, comfort them, make them want to live. It makes me cry, but it’s worth it to sacrifice myself for somebody else. I would be willing to die for anyone, even complete strangers.
If these words benefitted somebody, then that is all we could ever ask for.
September 25th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
[quote comment="66361"]500 people commit suicide in BC every year? Is hat abnormally high compared to the other provinces?
This may be a weir question but….
Has anyone that you have parted ways with in the past (for whatever reason) approached or contacted you after hearing that you were (finally) diagnosed with a legitimate mental illness? I guess what I’m asking is if the diagnoses has ever “helped” or “mended” any broken friendships or relations.[/quote]
Quebec has the highest suicide rate in North America (I’ve worked for Suicide Action Montreal) It is currently at 1200 a year and that has been a decrease from other years.
September 25th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
[quote comment="66403"][quote comment="66399"][quote comment="66361"]500 people commit suicide in BC every year? Is hat abnormally high compared to the other provinces?[/quote]
not really no…the Alberta statistic was 450 last year. Unfucking real, eh?[/quote]
Interesting and sad statistic. Where I previously stated in my entry that Albertans consume the least amount of anti-depressants in Canada, this may represent a real problem when considered alongside the high suicide rate in Alberta. Meaning that there are likely many Albertans suffering from severe depression who are not being diagnosed and treated effectively.[/quote]
Guys? it’s 1200 a year in Quebec!! 1200… that’s triple the national average.
September 25th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
[quote comment="66403"][quote comment="66399"][quote comment="66361"]500 people commit suicide in BC every year? Is hat abnormally high compared to the other provinces?[/quote]
not really no…the Alberta statistic was 450 last year. Unfucking real, eh?[/quote]
Interesting and sad statistic. Where I previously stated in my entry that Albertans consume the least amount of anti-depressants in Canada, this may represent a real problem when considered alongside the high suicide rate in Alberta. Meaning that there are likely many Albertans suffering from severe depression who are not being diagnosed and treated effectively.[/quote]
I really wish EDIT WORKED: I forgot to mention one last thing. Quebec’s suicide is the third highest in the WORLD.
September 25th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Would you say that it’s because Quebec’s population is not as educated (because of school language barriers, etc…), or there might be other factors?
[quote comment="66492"][quote comment="66403"][quote comment="66399"][quote comment="66361"]500 people commit suicide in BC every year? Is hat abnormally high compared to the other provinces?[/quote]
not really no…the Alberta statistic was 450 last year. Unfucking real, eh?[/quote]
Interesting and sad statistic. Where I previously stated in my entry that Albertans consume the least amount of anti-depressants in Canada, this may represent a real problem when considered alongside the high suicide rate in Alberta. Meaning that there are likely many Albertans suffering from severe depression who are not being diagnosed and treated effectively.[/quote]
I really wish EDIT WORKED: I forgot to mention one last thing. Quebec’s suicide is the third highest in the WORLD.[/quote]
September 25th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Not likely linked to the education level in Quebec. Why Quebec has one of the highest suicide rates is not clear. Rates are higher in remote, rural areas and higher in the gay community, aboriginals and teens.
From a Montreal Gazette article published earlier this month: “Quebec’s suicide rate is lowest in 25 years”. Not near enough mind you. The latest numbers (2006) point to a reduction from 1300 to 1136 according to l’Institut national de santé publique du Québec (INSPQ). IMS Health data shows Quebec has the highest utilization rate of anti-depressants and anti-psychotic medications.
They attribute this recent reduction to “more detection of cases of mental illness and better organization of treatment”, which leads us back to the importance of advocacy efforts such as Matt’s to raise awareness and “normalize” mental illness.
We Quebecers are a crazy bunch overall… and those terribly long, hard winters….
September 25th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Congratulations! =o)
September 26th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Kudos on the award. Good stuff.
September 27th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
I also suffer from Type 2 bipolarity, and was officially diagnosed when about 4 years ago when I was 18. At first I was really open about it actually and would go back to my high school and do mental health awareness sessions with the students and other various things of that nature. But eventually as my problems worsened I began isolate myself from pretty much everything. People like you Matt, who are bringing awareness to this issue make me want to go back to doing exactly that. Thanks.
October 8th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Wasn’t sure where to put this but I thought you might be interested in it so I came back to this entry. Someone just sent me this link, about the connection between mental illness and creativity. Not a new revelation, but still interesting to read.