Weasels
I’m going to do something I haven’t done in a long time – write straight (which is what I should have done rather than post that last entry - now removed).
There have been weasels in my life, more than in yours. It comes with the territory. People in my position attract them like flies to shit – and in the end shit is all that comes of it.
Weasels are creatures that twist and bend with popular winds and will do just about anything to get their foot in a door – yours, someone else’s – as long as there’s a door.
Weasels are everywhere. They come in all different shapes and sizes of both sexes, they smile smiles and, when backs are turned, their volumes ramp to either tear others down or prop themselves up.
Over the last fifteen years I have seen them come and go – fast friends, those that hang on to bitterness for years because they were found out for the weasels they were, and the wake that weasels produce when they suddenly discover that the charade is up and turn their tongues to blackness.
Trust is not something that exists. Too many weasels, too many bite marks. You keep your true friends close and your family closer. Everyone else, over time, becomes just another potential weasel. The sad part is that maybe they’re not, but as the saying goes – twice bitten.
If I had a nickel for every weasel, well, I’d have a shit load of nickels. It’s unfortunate that that’s not the case, because at least then I could put those nickels to good use.
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September 29th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
yikes.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Another of the many reasons I have no desire to be famous.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Weasels and Greed have grown up together in the last 30 years. Take for your own sake. It’s all so sad.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Sad but true. Those that are famous are looked upon by the majority of people as magical beings that will propel them to riches if they can get their (ie, your) attention for long enough. Hell, most people suffice for “Oh my god he looked at me!!!”
Oh well, at least you’re somewhat anti-social to begin with. Makes it easier, right?
September 29th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
I hear ya. I’ve ran into a couple of weasels in my life. I can only guess that my experience with them is only a tiny fraction of yours, but I feel you all the same.
Unfortunate stuff.
I know myself to be a good person. It doesn’t much matter to you because 1) you don’t know me, and 2) I don’t know you. But I know, and my friends know, and that’s all that really counts, isn’t it? I miss the days when I could blindly trust people and not get hurt. Was that childhood? Come to think of it, it might’ve just been a dream…
I really like pic, by the way.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
[quote comment="66964"]Another of the many reasons I have no desire to be famous.[/quote]
same here.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
It’s made me anti-social basically, yes.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Samuel Johnson: “It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust.”
I know this may sound trite coming from a perfect stranger who doesn’t know the realities of your every day life but it is intended to be “sympathique”.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
from this description pretty much everyone ive known has turned weasel eventually.:s.
i call em parasites.not an insult.nature i guess.suck&go
September 29th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
[quote comment="66969"]It’s made me anti-social basically, yes.[/quote]
Indeed. I can relate to that.
It’s funny how the older we get the more vindictive people become even though we know better than we used to via life experience…kind of depressing, actually.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
i’ve had my fair share of weasels too, it feels like it’s becoming an epidemic.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
“You keep your true friends close and your family closer.”
I agree compleetly, having learned that that the hard way of corse.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
[quote comment="66968"][quote comment="66964"]Another of the many reasons I have no desire to be famous.[/quote]
same here.[/quote]
I concur… I actually think most of the population enjoys their privacy. Personally I cherish it, I am paranoid as is…
But weasels, unfortunately they exist all over. And the little Jesus in me tries to be compassionate and loving to humanity and all that jazz despite, but eeeekkk… people are loco!
September 29th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
The sad thing, for me at least, I learned this lesson at a very young age.
I do not trust anyone in my life with anything, not even family to a degree. I want to, and I will never turn my back on anyone - and they know that - but after years of mixed messages and coming to the conclusion the biggest battles are best kept for yourself.
Thanks for posting this.
September 29th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Fake people are sad and they are devoid of any semblance of personality. It is natural that their actions, motivated merely by selfishness, will result in deceipt.
As long as these individuals exist on this planet, the whole concept of trust is pretty much gone to shit.
How is that for cynical?
September 29th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
First awesome pic… as for the weasels well, that’s life. Not sayin’ it doesn’t suck but they do abound. I do imagine you must be afflicted more than most though though considering your celebrity. Try not to loose all your faith in humanity though, we’re not all bad… well at least not all the time.
September 29th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Maybe you should just write/talk/be straight all the time…I think weasels have an aversion to honesty.
Failing that, it is fun to laugh at their strange and creepy ‘war dance’.
(Hey, we laugh so we won’t cry…)
September 29th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Everyone is motivated by pure self interest. It is the fundamental rule of any organism to preserve itself above all else.
People are not good, decent, or caring. People are kind for a reason. If I’m kind to you, you’ll be kind to me, and perhaps there will be something mutually beneficial about our interaction. If I’m mean to you, you’ll be mean to me. Mutually assured destruction.
On a side note, the evolutionary biology theory on love by Dawkin’s et. al is worth a look.
September 29th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Damn, missed the last entry…think I probably woulda liked it.
Weasels, yeah. I used to be a very good looking, fit blonde who also attracted weasels like flies. They cared little about “me”, it was all about being “with” me. Mostly, my ex’s friends, who hit on me every time his back was turned. One lived in our basement and, while pretending to be the ex’s best buddy, would whisper that he’d treat me better.
I stopped going out/socializing about 10 years ago now…pretty much when the ex and I split. I like solitude. Quiet. Not guessing what some random person is all about and whether they’ll turn out to be a frog in a prince suit. Lonely, but sure.
Family’s it for me…nothing else. But I like it that way.
You write some really good shit.
September 29th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Maybe Gene Simmons & co. with their make-up back in the 70’s wasn’t such a naff idea…stage names, larger than life persona, disguises, an excellent PR machine, a shrewd businessman in the form of a demonic bass player…Matt, maybe it’s not too late…
The thing is - just a punter’s observation - most people who are writers are actually revealing who they are through their music and, quite thankfully, are very sensitive people. It is these qualities that helps produce songs that resonate with so many people but it is the same quality that leaves the backdoor unlocked for weasels.
September 29th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
“There is no formula for personal success…except perhaps an unconditional acceptance of life, and what it brings”
-Arthur Rubinstein
September 29th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
I’ve had a fair share of these people come and go in my life as well. Not because I have anything particular to offer, so I can only imagine those that swarm around you. For a long time I found it very difficult… maybe I’m sharing too much, but hell… If it helps one person it will be worth it.
My entire adolescence was filled with feelings of self doubt and loathing, which can (argumentatively) bring these people around because you seem (and are) more of a target. It all has to do with the age old daddy issue thing, which may be a story for another day. The bottom line is that I allowed myself to be used and abused by the same people for 5 years because I never believed that I deserved any better.
Somehow, someway, I finally broke the pattern. Maybe my heart was broken (emo emo) one too many times. I cut all ties and moved on. Of course, this decision wasn’t made before I attempted all sorts of self medicating via drug use… also a story for another day perhaps.
Users still come and go, but I’m proud of myself for never letting that one extremely bad experience ruin me for everyone else. I was probably far more affected by the whole situation than I realize, as since the end of it I’ve been told by everyone who meets me that I’m terrifying. Some form of defense mechanism I’m sure. I think I project this intimidating front to scare off the users, but as time goes on it becomes a (tiny) little bit easier to see them coming.
Easier for “normal joes”, to be sure.
It never ceases to amaze me how many people make complete asses of themselves in front of perceived celebrities. How difficult it is for a lot of people to just be normal. I had never given much thought to the opposite of that side; People being good at manipulation. People who are, as you so aptly put it, Weasels.
So I guess the point of this long message that hasn’t really said much of anything is that it absolutely blows that you’ve been fucked over enough times to consider yourself antisocial as a direct result. I can completely understand how it would happen, but you shouldn’t have to be discouraged in the human race just because you make amazing music.
I honestly believe that artists such as yourself need to create. It’s like oxygen. And so, to have to suffer the repercussions of our fucked up society just because of your ability to express yourself is a really shitty situation for you, and on behalf of human beings everywhere…. I’d like to apologize.
September 29th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
ahh weasels are like them shifty shape shifters
September 29th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
I thought the same was “once bitten twice shy”. Also I have heard the term “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” and I think that is a hunk of crap……… why befriend the enemy?
p.s. I don’t think you’re antisocial. I think you’re pretty down to earth and very approachable; someone who does not turn away while you’re talking and someone who really listens and looks you in the eye. just sayin.
September 29th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
I think it’s thrice shy. Could be wrong though.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
I missed the last post; but yeah, weasels are everywhere.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Well, on the plus, most of us are here just because we think you’re cool. I honestly doubt I’ll ever get the chance to meet you or see you play live (Of which I am very sad). I just enjoy what you have to say. :)
September 29th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
Oh. :0(
September 30th, 2008 at 12:00 am
Well now I’m just amped that the only weasel I ever knew was a literal weasel who stole my 5lb bass off a stringer when I was about 7 years old. Before reading, fuck I missed that bass, but I guess the moral is that weasels can be worse.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:27 am
I don’t know if anyone else has watched John Mayers newer concert DVD “Where the Light is” but there’s a part of it that really resonated with me.
During one of his songs he lets his rhythm section just jam while he addresses the crowd. He says something to the effect that so far in his life he has tried every approach to living. He hasn’t tried every thing, just every approach. He’s tried to fill his life with the THINGS his fame an money could afford and that left him empty. He tried locking himself away in seclusion like some tortured artist to try and create and that didn’t make him happy. So he’s been experimenting with a new approach. His current approach is to just give and receive love. Live life constantly giving and receiving love. and as he explains it, not “roman candle movie love” but “I Got Your Back!!!! Love” because so many people who say they love you are the first to turn on you during hard times but your true friends will always have your back and you will always have theirs.
I know it’s very sentimental and all you cynical types will scoff at it but I’ve been experimenting along with John and so far I like the results.
JM
September 30th, 2008 at 12:31 am
While I can’t say I totally relate to the trials of fame, I do know a thing or two about weasels.
I’ll tell you what I learned and you can take it for what it’s worth; since it’s free advice it admittedly isn’t worth much.
The minute you stop trusting, the minute you stop wanting to experience new things because of the risk is the minute you start dying. There’s no other way to cut it. Life is terrifying and wonderful, full of ups and downs and twists and turns and loops and sometimes nausea. While sometimes a smooth ride is appealing, ultimately you will regret the chances you didn’t take more than the ones you did.
I don’t know that I would want to be even moderately famous, because most people I know who are famous are really lonely and bitter, and that’s no way to go through life.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:34 am
You are fortunate enough to be able to count on family. Family members are weasels too. Its not an affliction solely for the famous but the bright individuals who experience success. I must have recognized this at a young age as I sought out a people who shared my experience, I call them my friends. No matter, your description reminds me of some crap I experienced during my years in Florida also.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:52 am
[quote comment="67008"]I thought the same was “once bitten twice shy”. Also I have heard the term “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” and I think that is a hunk of crap……… why befriend the enemy?
p.s. I don’t think you’re antisocial. I think you’re pretty down to earth and very approachable; someone who does not turn away while you’re talking and someone who really listens and looks you in the eye. just sayin.[/quote]
Once-bit - twice shy is the correct phrase. When you’ve been shafted once, you’re going to be much more cautious the next time around.
The “keep your enemies closer” is not meant as “befriend” an enemy, it means keep them under a very close watch. It also comes from those who have been hurt by what they thought were friends. There’s a mentality that you can trust your enemies more than your friends because you know your enemy’s true intentions.
September 30th, 2008 at 5:11 am
I would never hurt a real friend. But then…I don’t think I actually have any, in the truest sense of the word. Which is a shame, I guess. Or a sad reflection of my own life…i dunno.
Hey, Matt, what will you spend your Weasel Cash on? I’d give mine all to the homeless, if I had any.
September 30th, 2008 at 6:20 am
I personally gauge my success in life by the number of people who are trying to use me. I haven’t had a whole lot of success to speak of yet, so luckily that translates into people hardly caring enough to use me. I’m only 22 though; I still have lots of time to catch up.
Cynicism is fun…
September 30th, 2008 at 6:23 am
[quote comment="66959"]yikes.[/quote]
that’s what I said
September 30th, 2008 at 6:35 am
I think Mr. Tom Waits said it best…
“a rat always knows when he’s in with weasels”
If only that were true. Eventually they all turn on us. All of them. Bottom line is everyone is in this for themselves. It’s all just a big game.
Family is all we have in the end. Blood is truly thicker than water.
September 30th, 2008 at 6:41 am
not for nothing, but we have all been there - many of us have not had the positive things that come with having the chance to produce and even revel in your own art with the adoration that comes with it - i guess there is good and bad with everything…
i think the thing is, at a young age we are stopped in time and beaten down by life, but as time goes on, if you are smart, you just don’t have the energy to be bitter and angry all the time
the ones left focusing on those who wronged them - well, they are left alone - because from experience, to quote a stellar songwriter “if you find someone to love in this world you’d better hang on tooth and nail”
to be honest, the thing i don’t get when i read your blog is, you seem to have more friends and a solid life that most can hope for - instead of being eaten up by ghosts, why not be filled up by those you can touch and feel
those who when you are 80, will be the only ones who ever mattered anyway
September 30th, 2008 at 6:44 am
Jesus, Matt. That’s the lonliest thing I’ve ever read.
As the saying goes, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out”. Unfortunately, in your case this means you may not know who the weasels are until the day you pack in your celebrity. Until then, you’ve got the unconditional love of your family and your dogs. Which in the end is all that really matters anyway. And the fact that you even care means that you haven’t lost yourself in all this. You are still you. A humble, honest, boy from the burbs who just wants what we all want. I hope one day you get it.
Do what’s right for you, and “True Love Will Find You in the End”
September 30th, 2008 at 6:52 am
Dear Mr. Good,
I am sorry.
You are correct. I would even go further and say that though you hold your friends and family close, your journey here is to know yourself, and perhaps your place in the world. That knowledge alone would be profound indeed.
You come in alone - you leave alone. Integrity Sir, is all you have.
Trust yourself.
September 30th, 2008 at 7:12 am
I’m so sorry for whatever you have went through,.. my heart goes out to you.
All you truly need in life is one, just one true friend!!!,.. I hope you have that!
September 30th, 2008 at 7:14 am
Weasels… I call them assholes but they’re the same regardless. Their frequency in which they seem to enter my life has made me completely anti-social, I have no desire to really be around people because I’m weary of them all and now I almost start to assume some are just going to be weasels before I even really know them. I think it’s mostly because after the first couple of weasels you think you’ve learned to know one when you see one so that you won’t fall for their tricks but then one comes along and he’s managed to disguise himself as a good guy and you fall for it! It’s not until much later that you see him for what he really is and then you get mad. You get mad at them for managing to trick you and you get mad at yourself for being duped because you’re supposed to have learned from the last 3.
September 30th, 2008 at 7:20 am
They are everywhere…. be careful.
September 30th, 2008 at 7:30 am
I am not even famous and I have to constantly weed out the weasel folk so i can only imagine the magnitude of your Weasel Weed Outs….
It is disheartening…but whats worse is some ppl keep those hangers on around b/c they have nothing better on the go so…in that sense you are an extremely rich man.
September 30th, 2008 at 7:51 am
[quote comment="67023"]While I can’t say I totally relate to the trials of fame, I do know a thing or two about weasels.
I’ll tell you what I learned and you can take it for what it’s worth; since it’s free advice it admittedly isn’t worth much.
The minute you stop trusting, the minute you stop wanting to experience new things because of the risk is the minute you start dying. There’s no other way to cut it. Life is terrifying and wonderful, full of ups and downs and twists and turns and loops and sometimes nausea. While sometimes a smooth ride is appealing, ultimately you will regret the chances you didn’t take more than the ones you did.
Have to say I agree with your comments. During a conversation with my memere, I was trying to justify all the reasons I had to mistrust those around me. Her response: That’s a cop out, and you know it. Trust your instincts with people, but don’t close yourself off completely because in the end, you’re the one who loses. I was pissed off after she said that.
After having thought about it, do I want to be sitting in my rocking chair at the end of my days congratulating myself on how safe I played it? or do I want to take chances and live…. really live. There will always be weasels. For every one weasel, there are ten “good eggs”.
September 30th, 2008 at 8:09 am
[quote comment="67023"]While I can’t say I totally relate to the trials of fame, I do know a thing or two about weasels.
I’ll tell you what I learned and you can take it for what it’s worth; since it’s free advice it admittedly isn’t worth much.
The minute you stop trusting, the minute you stop wanting to experience new things because of the risk is the minute you start dying. There’s no other way to cut it. Life is terrifying and wonderful, full of ups and downs and twists and turns and loops and sometimes nausea. While sometimes a smooth ride is appealing, ultimately you will regret the chances you didn’t take more than the ones you did.
I don’t know that I would want to be even moderately famous, because most people I know who are famous are really lonely and bitter, and that’s no way to go through life.[/quote]
Matt, This is the best advice that someone can give you. STOP, THINK, BELIEVE, and LIVE IT.
September 30th, 2008 at 8:25 am
[quote comment="67046"][quote comment="67023"]While I can’t say I totally relate to the trials of fame, I do know a thing or two about weasels.
I’ll tell you what I learned and you can take it for what it’s worth; since it’s free advice it admittedly isn’t worth much.
The minute you stop trusting, the minute you stop wanting to experience new things because of the risk is the minute you start dying. There’s no other way to cut it. Life is terrifying and wonderful, full of ups and downs and twists and turns and loops and sometimes nausea. While sometimes a smooth ride is appealing, ultimately you will regret the chances you didn’t take more than the ones you did.
I don’t know that I would want to be even moderately famous, because most people I know who are famous are really lonely and bitter, and that’s no way to go through life.[/quote]
Matt, This is the best advice that someone can give you. STOP, THINK, BELIEVE, and LIVE IT.[/quote]
I’ll second that emotion!
September 30th, 2008 at 8:35 am
[quote comment="67047"][quote comment="67046"][quote comment="67023"]While I can’t say I totally relate to the trials of fame, I do know a thing or two about weasels.
I’ll tell you what I learned and you can take it for what it’s worth; since it’s free advice it admittedly isn’t worth much.
The minute you stop trusting, the minute you stop wanting to experience new things because of the risk is the minute you start dying. There’s no other way to cut it. Life is terrifying and wonderful, full of ups and downs and twists and turns and loops and sometimes nausea. While sometimes a smooth ride is appealing, ultimately you will regret the chances you didn’t take more than the ones you did.
I don’t know that I would want to be even moderately famous, because most people I know who are famous are really lonely and bitter, and that’s no way to go through life.[/quote]
Matt, This is the best advice that someone can give you. STOP, THINK, BELIEVE, and LIVE IT.[/quote]
I’ll second that emotion![/quote]
I third it! This is the best advice for EVERYONE.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:11 am
shit I’ve been lied to!
September 30th, 2008 at 9:19 am
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being anti-social. I am and I consider it to be “selectively social”. I just don’t have the time/energy/inclination to put up with random crap from people who aren’t there for the long haul, the bumps in the road or the jagged steep cliffs. I just don’t see the point. Some people assume having few friends implies loneliness but I disagree. I think the lonely one are those who have hundreds of “acquaintances” but no real friends to stand there and hold your hand when the shit hits the fan.
The weasels are a sad fact of life but the less you give them, the less they can take.
Matt- may all of your personal weasels get rabies.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:36 am
Matt:
I kinda/sorta know how you feel. I spent about 14 years doing labour relations work and the last year of that was in an automotive facility that was, for lack of a better way of saying it, on the chopping block courtesy of some unethical pricks from Detroit. As the front line person dealing with the Union - I spent 90% of my time on about 2% of the population. I often lamented that I spent all my time dealing with the assholes and never had any time for the folks who were good people, came to work every day, good parents, good friends. I described it to my wife this way; it’s sort of like being a prize fighter and having a 14-round bout everyday - but it felt like I went all 14 rounds and the Union got to change fighters at the beginning of each round. I felt like I was getting the shit kicked out of me every day. My wife asked me one day why I was going so easy on the kids - basically letting them do whatever they wanted; ‘Dad - can we have chocolate cake for dinner?” “Sure - whatever - and the Coke is in the fridge - help yourselves”. I explained the above - and that I had nothing left by 5 o’clock.
When I started doing police work it changed - but did not improve. Once again you spent the vast majority of your time dealing with heartaches and people that just made you shake your head (or bang it against the wall) - wife beaters, child abusers, drunk drivers who just hit somebody out jogging, etc. etc. The weasels ruled the world it seemed they were everywhere like some biblical plague of locusts.
“Keep your friends close and your family closer”. Exactly. I don’t throw the word ‘friend’ around as easily as I used to or with the abandon that a lot of other people do. I think focusing on those few people that you keep close to your heart improves the time and relaitonship that you have with them versus spreading yourself so thin that your life feels like you are hosting a cocktail party all the time.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:13 am
[quote comment="67010"]I think it’s thrice shy. Could be wrong though.[/quote]
nope, i have never heard that either…. but i like it…… still wondering why anyone would keep their enemies close… would love some thoughts on that.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:39 am
I’ve always thought you can tell your real friends by the people who show up to help you move. I mean, let’s be honest, moving sucks. It’s usually on a Saturday, stuff isn’t packed properly, and it usually just ends up being a major chore.
With that in mind, it’s ironic that despite having a bunch of friends in Vancouver, pretty much the only people who ever show up and help me move (and thankfully I haven’t moved in about three years) are my old friends from high school (who, despite having children and other household duties, drive in from Chilliwack or various parts of the valley for the day), and a few members of my family.
A good friend of mine once told me that the secret to any relationship or friendship was about not just *having* time to hang out or be a friend, it was about *making* time to hang out or be a friend. Far too many people dole out the scraps of their left over time to others thinking that satisfies the duty of a friend or a significant other. But true friendship, in my mind, involves not only being a friend when it’s convenient for you, but also being a friend when it’s absolutely inconvenient for you.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:42 am
[quote comment="67051"]I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being anti-social. I am and I consider it to be “selectively social”. I just don’t have the time/energy/inclination to put up with random crap from people who aren’t there for the long haul, the bumps in the road or the jagged steep cliffs. I just don’t see the point. Some people assume having few friends implies loneliness but I disagree. I think the lonely one are those who have hundreds of “acquaintances” but no real friends to stand there and hold your hand when the shit hits the fan.
The weasels are a sad fact of life but the less you give them, the less they can take.
Matt- may all of your personal weasels get rabies.[/quote]
i tend to agree here. I also have tendencies towards being anti-social, or as K. aptly calls it, Selectively social, and I prefer it to the more openly social habits I used to have. When you’re open with people its too easy to get screwed.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Some people were raised in a dungeon, you do the best you can to negate the effects of the bastards in the world and try not to become one yourself.
I doubt you’re anti-social Matt, maybe anti-sociable. You put yourself out there in ways few people have the courage to and for every dick you encounter I bet there’s ten who wish they could be more like you.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:59 am
[quote comment="67058"]A good friend of mine once told me that the secret to any relationship or friendship was about not just *having* time to hang out or be a friend, it was about *making* time to hang out or be a friend. Far too many people dole out the scraps of their left over time to others thinking that satisfies the duty of a friend or a significant other. But true friendship, in my mind, involves not only being a friend when it’s convenient for you, but also being a friend when it’s absolutely inconvenient for you.[/quote]
Well said,Sir!
I think I have to make a few phone calls today.
Thanks for making me realize this.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:16 am
What would you use the nickels for?
September 30th, 2008 at 11:37 am
[quote comment="67058"]I’ve always thought you can tell your real friends by the people who show up to help you move. I mean, let’s be honest, moving sucks. It’s usually on a Saturday, stuff isn’t packed properly, and it usually just ends up being a major chore.
With that in mind, it’s ironic that despite having a bunch of friends in Vancouver, pretty much the only people who ever show up and help me move (and thankfully I haven’t moved in about three years) are my old friends from high school (who, despite having children and other household duties, drive in from Chilliwack or various parts of the valley for the day), and a few members of my family.
A good friend of mine once told me that the secret to any relationship or friendship was about not just *having* time to hang out or be a friend, it was about *making* time to hang out or be a friend. Far too many people dole out the scraps of their left over time to others thinking that satisfies the duty of a friend or a significant other. But true friendship, in my mind, involves not only being a friend when it’s convenient for you, but also being a friend when it’s absolutely inconvenient for you.[/quote]
Very well said Duane!
September 30th, 2008 at 11:43 am
Great words Duane! I think it gets tough as we get older. Those relationships not based in our childhood seem to somehow get messed up in one way or another. Maybe because we feel like only the people who’ve known us all of our lives “get” us or can be trusted. Working on my 33rd year, I have realized that it isn’t so much about trusting people anymore. It is about doing what is right for me. If someone wants to be a weasel while I am being sincere at least I walk away knowing I was being honest. In the end, none of us will have a football field of dependable people in our lives. If we are lucky maybe a handfull. But along the way we can learn something from the people around us even if we are only using each other to pass time to something more important. We are all selfish…even if our selfishness means attempting to lead unselfish lives.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I agree with you… At 30, there’s only a select few friends I like to keep around. I don’t mind knowing a lot of people as we can learn something new from everyone around us. However I’ve been let down in the past by people who I thought were friends.
As for weasels… I tend to agree, however that should not stop you from at least keeping an eye open for the person who is not. You never know around which corner a good genuine friend might appear. By remaining guarded yet welcoming, you can take a chance to learn from the new person. Though you should also be able to stand your ground and close the “door” if the person oversteps.
Life is too short to remain “on guard” 24/7.
[quote comment="67064"]Great words Duane! I think it gets tough as we get older. Those relationships not based in our childhood seem to somehow get messed up in one way or another. Maybe because we feel like only the people who’ve known us all of our lives “get” us or can be trusted. Working on my 33rd year, I have realized that it isn’t so much about trusting people anymore. It is about doing what is right for me. If someone wants to be a weasel while I am being sincere at least I walk away knowing I was being honest. In the end, none of us will have a football field of dependable people in our lives. If we are lucky maybe a handfull. But along the way we can learn something from the people around us even if we are only using each other to pass time to something more important. We are all selfish…even if our selfishness means attempting to lead unselfish lives.[/quote]
September 30th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
i too, missed the last post. but this one was extremely well put. my dogs, my husband, my parents, brothers and sister are my best friends. they are my only friends and i have no desire to extend that circle to anyone else..i have not hardened my persona per say, but just become more guarded and cautious. we extend a listening ear and kindness to those we encounter but it never goes beyond that. weasels are everywhere, unable to make a life for themselves, and find it easier to tear down someone elses and/or adopt it as their own…it is very sad..it hurts to watch, it is maddening to endure and it destroys everything when it happens to us. i find it increasingly difficult as the years go on, especially at work..i have always worked menial jobs, and i don’t mind, i feel as though i am earning my keep. but when you turn down a weasels offers for friendship, or if you don’t give them the kudos they feel they deserve, they turn on you..just like that. they do everything in their power to destroy you, as though they are satan themselves. and if you are someone like myself or my family and don’t fight back, life seems like a long, overstretched elastic which you want to finally break because you can take it no longer. there is no point in stooping to their level, what good is that? we do not associate with any relatives, we help out the misfortunate souls, we get by as best we can trying not to piss anyone off. life is so hard, people are so mean with their cold, calculating thoughts and intentions. as long as you do whats right in your heart, and as long as you surround yourself with those who mean everything to you, that is the secret of dealing with the shit this world vomits. we are all to learn something from those around us, those we encounter. but you do not have to buddy up with someone to learn some of lifes most important lessons. my heart bleeds for all of you which have written of betrayal and mistrust, and for those who do not have the luxury of sharing their trials with anyone but themselves..the weasels won’t win in the end you guys, believe that…they’ll get what they deserve even if it is not up to us to lower the guillotine.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
So what did this particular weasel do that was so weasel’ish if I may ask… no names just maybe a Parallel metaphor of sorts… A dear San Diego…
I am an account rep for a very large manufacturer and I deal with weasels on a daily basis whether a competitor or clients… “Shameful Joy” which means pleasure taken from someone Else’s misfortune or wishing ill will on someone else is something I can imagine one in your business you must go through everyday… my advice is try to not mind the little things because most of it is driven by jealousy and pathetic attention seeking… but in the end your anger towards these weasel types must channel well in your creative process at some level i would imagine….
If I had the chance to meet a celebrity which i admire and spend a few hours with chatting I really would not try to connect a friendship but keep it more the boundaries to an admiration for what they do and express it accordingly… for myself I find this to be desperate and sad… but some people don’t have boundaries which is I would imagine to be difficult and awkward to deal with… howevver on the other hand you are where you are today because that was probably your goal to achieve which artist thrive for… so it’s a catch 22…
September 30th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
People are shitty. That’s why I prefer to keep to myself. I have nothing against going out or having friends, but I prefer alone time. Trust isn’t easy.
September 30th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
I have gotten away from all toxic (weasel) people. They destroy every single thing around you. You don’t notice it at first, and then very methodically, these people will undermine everything you do. Toxic (weasel) people can’t bear to be around goodness. Toxic (weasel) people have to control everything, and when they can’t, hell literally breaks loose. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my heart. Forward. Forward. I have to learn to be tougher, that I do know. I am loyal to a fault and in some ways it’s something that has to be monitored carefully. Saying “No” does not come easily to me. I have since learned what true friends are and how it feels inside and how we get lost and confused inside the familiarity of the toxic (weasel) friend. You have to be very careful of who is in your life, and why they are there.
My cat has now wedged himself between me and my laptop. His furry little arms are stretched out over the D F G H and the J…and the O and the P. It was hard to type that just now.
I know something about myself that nobody else does. The picture I have in my mind of what I’m about or what will come true. This is something I find I’ve always had to keep to myself, It’s a fragile feeling and if I put it out there too much someone could kill it or try to damage it, so it’s best to keep all that inside. The beauty that exists is known, and for me, alone.
September 30th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
[quote comment="67038"]Dear Mr. Good,
I am sorry.
You are correct. I would even go further and say that though you hold your friends and family close, your journey here is to know yourself, and perhaps your place in the world. That knowledge alone would be profound indeed.
You come in alone - you leave alone. Integrity Sir, is all you have.
Trust yourself.[/quote]
Talk about hitting the nail on the head!
“Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me.” I learned this in my 20s.
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I learned this in my preteens.
Today at 37, I am still not the best judge of character [I like everyone!] but as soon as something doesn’t seem right, I make one of two choices: keep the friendship super simple or completely cut it all off! Life’s too short to spend it with people that are “unhealthy” to be around.
As for the weasels, I’ll say this, at least they’re not in your imediate family…yup, lucky you!
Keeping your enemies close is about knowing where the danger is. I’m not sure this is productive as it is protective.
Interesting post.
September 30th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
i can somewhat relate to what you are saying. i have definately not encountered as many as you have im sure, but there have been some definite bad ones.. i do have a couple really good friends though, who i tend to cling onto as much as i can. ive known one of my friends for the past 14 years and not once has he hurt me or disapointed me in any way. he’s just a really mellow down to earth guy, i dunno what i would do without him. i guess its a matter of finding the diamonds in the rough.
September 30th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Hey Matt
Keep your head up man. As many weasles as there appear to be in your life , there are always people that care about you…. I’m sure you have heard this before Matt , but your music has gotten me through some tough times and I really do appreciate you and your music.
Also thanks for taking the time to meet your fans after shows. Lots of artists could care less about the fans. You really show some great character… keep up the good work matt… your music rocks!
September 30th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
That sucks Matt. The worst part is that human nature makes us want to trust again, makes us want to hope it’s going to go well “this time” so we let the weasels “in”. The crappy part is that the disappointment and hurt that’s involved when we’re let down each time never gets any easier.
Stupid varmints.
September 30th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
I also missed the last post…which makes it hard to understand without knowing what happened. Whatever it is, you’re clearly upset. I hope it gets better.
I have no friends.
It’s sad to admit, but completely true. Due to this, I rarely receive personal calls or emails. I’m quite antisocial as well because I can’t trust anyone. I’m paranoid. I don’t want anyone to feel bad about it, but I just needed to say.
I can understand to a certain extent what you mean.
October 1st, 2008 at 7:14 am
[quote comment="67066"]
As for weasels… I tend to agree, however that should not stop you from at least keeping an eye open for the person who is not. You never know around which corner a good genuine friend might appear. By remaining guarded yet welcoming, you can take a chance to learn from the new person. Though you should also be able to stand your ground and close the “door” if the person oversteps.
Life is too short to remain “on guard” 24/7.
Well put! I was just thinking what a sad existence a lot of the people have on here.. And I don’t say sad as in pathetic, I say sad as in I truly think it’s a damned shame that you have cut yourself off from the world because of “weasels” — you would have no inclination of true friendship if you never met a weasel. There are some amazing beautiful people in the world who can enrich your life just because they exist. You’re willing to give up on that over some douche bags? I don’t care if it’s a million douche bags, if you pay close enough attention to other people, you can see who they really are before they hurt you.
October 1st, 2008 at 7:15 am
PS my quote totally didn’t work there…
October 1st, 2008 at 8:12 am
my friends call me weasel…but not for any of those reasons…it’s a funny word. hahaha
October 1st, 2008 at 8:19 am
[quote comment="66969"]It’s made me anti-social basically, yes.[/quote]
The sad thing about that is that such people in most cases once were most socially gifted and emotionally sensitive but in the end just got betrayed and disappointed too often. But like so much in life, this is a (negative) learning process that is certainly reversible.
I think that there is trust existing in the hearts of people. Otherwise there wouldn’t be a way for weasels to exploit someone nor would there be for finding “true friends”. It’s a dilemma…
October 1st, 2008 at 10:58 am
“You keep your true friends close…”
That you have true friends means you are very lucky, despite all the weasels. Some of us feel like we don’t even have that.
October 1st, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Thanks Satch, for the explanation… That actually makes alot of sense, unfortuneatly.
October 1st, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Everyone else, over time, becomes just another potential weasel.
Uh, yep. Except I don’t think I used a word as nice as ‘weasel’. Knowing what I have been through, and how used, stupid, and utterly ignorant it made me feel, I cannot imagine adding the whole fame/money thing to it. You really must get it from all sides. Don’t you hate them for making you so suspicious? Well, in some ways it can save your ass but it is just a sad statement that that is what it takes, you know? Of course I missed the first post… Anyway. Does your mind ever clash? Wanting to trust then being reminded that it’ll bit you in the ass in the end? Then feeling guilty and wanting to let your guard down and trust again? Rinse and repeat. I’m still seeking that balance but can only throw myself forcefully to each side then curse getting there. If you find an answer I figure you’ll be a bazillionaire. I wish you well in your weasel-avoidance.
By the way, that pic is pretty amazing. Yes, you DO look stunning as a redhead but in addition, I’m loving the color saturation. If you ever feel the desire to try out more of this style, I’d be happy to view.
October 1st, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Some people just like to talk shit. They beak off all the time; little gossipy whores. There is no humanity behind the facade. What they say rings false.
Unfortunately they NEVER EVER think they will get caught. Amazing that!
What’s worse is that the more crap they spewed out, the more vile they tend to become when they are spurned, and retaliate, putting all the blame on you.
People don’t like reflections that show what is wrong in their core being. Like vampires, they will shatter you to avoid the truth.
Ways to avoid them? When it is too good to be true, it usually is… unfortunately.
-g- : managed to hone a pretty good bullshit detector after all these years…
October 2nd, 2008 at 4:46 am
Do you find that if you close one door it makes it harder to fully experience others? Puts me in mind of Blake’s Songs of Innocence and Experience… maybe we can see each as a gift of learning… to know great love and joy we must know the full depth of sorrow and pain…maybe?
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:54 am
I was thinking the other day about the isolation that fame forces on people. I think the best example to follow in these times is the band Slipknot (regardless of how you feel about their music).
They all wear masks, which is more than just a schtick, I think.
Those guys, (or girls?) could have reasonably normal lives, not to mention rotate new band members in and out of the unit to take their place if one of them needs to take their kid to a hockey tournament.
It’s smart and flexible. Though I sure it wouldn’t work for everybody.
I could appreciate how trying to being ‘yourself’ in that world, would be far more difficult.
Sheesh, what a rant…sorry
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:39 am
I didn’t find that writing straight at all.
Name the weasel(s).,
October 2nd, 2008 at 12:13 pm
There will always be weasels out there no matter if you are well known or not. That’s what makes it hard to trust people. If they are truly your friend, than through goodtimes and bad they are right there to lend a hard or a shoulder when needed.
October 2nd, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Its pretty bad when the weasels are your family members.
I unfortunatly have that in my life.. I have few good friends..some really good good friends and I have one best friend.
Sad when your friends are better then your family.
October 2nd, 2008 at 12:38 pm
[quote comment="67058"]I’ve always thought you can tell your real friends by the people who show up to help you move. I mean, let’s be honest, moving sucks. It’s usually on a Saturday, stuff isn’t packed properly, and it usually just ends up being a major chore.
With that in mind, it’s ironic that despite having a bunch of friends in Vancouver, pretty much the only people who ever show up and help me move (and thankfully I haven’t moved in about three years) are my old friends from high school (who, despite having children and other household duties, drive in from Chilliwack or various parts of the valley for the day), and a few members of my family.
A good friend of mine once told me that the secret to any relationship or friendship was about not just *having* time to hang out or be a friend, it was about *making* time to hang out or be a friend. Far too many people dole out the scraps of their left over time to others thinking that satisfies the duty of a friend or a significant other. But true friendship, in my mind, involves not only being a friend when it’s convenient for you, but also being a friend when it’s absolutely inconvenient for you.[/quote]
*sighs* If I could clone you, Duane, I would. Your adorable and your perfectly correct.
October 2nd, 2008 at 5:45 pm
dude…for you to have written that something must have really sucked - I’m sorry.
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:32 pm
[quote comment="67352"]Its pretty bad when the weasels are your family members.
I unfortunatly have that in my life.. I have few good friends..some really good good friends and I have one best friend.
Sad when your friends are better then your family.[/quote]
But we’re your family, remember? ;)
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:53 am
[quote comment="67352"]Its pretty bad when the weasels are your family members.
Sad when your friends are better then your family.[/quote]
I know that too. When my grandfather died 4 years ago, his kids (including my own father) had nothing better to do than fight over formalities of the funeral and - you might have guessed it - the unholy heirship issue. They did everything possible to exclude the oldest of my grandpa’s sons he had with a former wife. Especially my aunt and grandma were somewhat engaged into that farce.
Now I was made an aunt myself only 3 days ago. I swore to myself that I will be a better aunt, a better familiy for my little nephew Jack than the better part of the bunch had been for me.
Jack was given the name my mom would have given to me, were I born a boy. I found that very sweet of my sis, something I had never expected of her.
October 7th, 2008 at 8:33 am
The big Question…
is it ever wise to trust Others….hmmm
Some might say NO…
out of Fear of Dissappointment
But then….what is the Alternative…?
Live under a constant Cloud of Suspicion
for the Rest of our Life…
I think we need to give Others
the Benefit of the Doubt as much as possible
for our Sanity greatly suffers
if we don’t…
There’s always a Risk
of being wrong…
but there’s also the Chance
of beautiful Connections
Much more Important
than trusting Others though
is trusting Yourself
Trust Yourself to make
the right Decisions