It’s 3-something in the morning and I find myself once again unable to sleep, despite the fact that I have taken my usual medication and enough supplementary aides to drop a horse. Nothing scary, nothing ‘life threatening’, just enough to try and convince my body that it had better pack it in.

So far it’s not working.

It could have something to do with the fact that I’ve been dreaming of fajitas all day. Having woken up this morning in Toronto in the early afternoon and getting a tea, I got on the bus and immediately fell asleep. After arriving in Brantford I found myself in somewhat of a strange state and, for some unknown reason, completely forgot to eat – anything. Being that I’m on a new bus, there’s nothing left over from the tour, and therefore no food - or gum, or even sugar packets. I am therefore reduced to drinking some sort of stale herbal tea and smoking in an attempt to trick my body into thinking that fajitas are a figment of my imagination. The fact that I’ll be waking up tomorrow in the middle of nowhere isn’t helping matters either.

Christ what I wouldn’t do right now for a Waffle House.

True, they don’t have fajitas at Waffle House, but at this point steak and eggs would do just as nicely. In fact, cardboard painted to look like pizza might even be acceptable. Unfortunately, being that I’m in Brantford, and it’s 3:30 in the morning, that’s probably the best that I could do.

Anyway, I am off to count sheep, which won’t be a good thing because all that it will make me think about is lamb and mint jelly.

Damn it!

As has come to be the case, the WiFi in the hotel is shit. So I am sitting on the bus, which has a better connection.

When you tour this country as much as I have certain things become tradition, such as where you stop and spend days off. While I usually play Thunder Bay, on this tour I’m not, so I’m spending the day playing catch up. Emails to return, reading to do, etc. Some time in the early hours of the morning we’ll slip out of town for Winnipeg. I think everyone else has gone to the Finnish Sauna. I decided against it. Steam I’ll do, dry heat doesn’t interest me as much.

Happy Father’s Day

To all those of you out there to which it applies - happy father’s day. I would especially like to send my love to my own father and my younger brother Chris, who has two beautiful children.

This morning I awoke to over 350 emails and Facebook messages from people all over the world. All of them, without exception, were positive, kind, and extremely supportive. I simply cannot relay how grateful I am to those of you that took the time to write me, it means a great deal. I would also like to thank the fans at Nearfantastica for their insights and comments of support.

I spent a lot of time laying in my bunk last night thinking about everything and came to the conclusion that giving attention to those who have negatively impacted events over the last few days is something that I should have never done. I am only human, and like anyone else allow my emotions to get the best of me at times. Thus, I want to take this opportunity to apologize to those of you that felt that any of my frustrations constituted a blanket statement. That was not my intention at all, and I am profoundly sorry if, at any time, my words came across in that fashion.

Mississauga

As I wrote last night, I have been electrocuted on stage before because of adverse weather. The electrical storm that hit right before the show last night placed my crew and band in danger given the fact that the stage itself was made of metal and that most everything on the stage is, obviously, powered by electricity. Those two factors combined act as a natural attractor, making being on stage when currents of electricity are present very dangerous.

In the instance that I was electrocuted some years ago in Edmonton, electricity arced from my microphone to just above my upper lip, through my body, and out through my middle finger into my guitar. The entry and exit burns were one of the first things that the doctor who examined me afterwards looked for.

As is always the case in situations such as last night, blame for the cancellation of the show will ultimately be placed on my shoulders and the rumor mill will produce the same sorts of stories that it always does. As far as I am concerned, I am willing to shoulder all of that. The fact remains that while the festival would not offer ticket refunds, proceeds from it go towards its Sponsor A Child program, which has helped children in the community that could otherwise not afford to attend the event the ability to do so. In the end, whether I played or not, smiles were provided some children who will get the opportunity to enjoy the rides and attractions at the festival this weekend – so that’s a positive.

Personal Lives

Like any person of notoriety, my personal life is something that is discussed by complete strangers who often employ speculation as fact. To be honest, being that I am so active online, this phenomenon is nothing new to me whatsoever. Ultimately, speculation is just that – speculation. Lies compounded might represent the truth to some, but that is not something that I am going to waste my time concerning myself with. We live in a day and age in which people with nothing better to do spend a great deal of energy scrutinizing the lives of others simply because they can. The web has provided them a platform to do so instantaneously, so it only stands to reason that they’ll use it to turn apples into oranges. Again, that’s their business, and if it’s something someone wants to waste their time doing then so be it.

Given everything that is happening in this world it saddens me to think that people focus their energies on something so completely mundane as my personal life. More so, that it is of such significance to them as to lead to the employment of threatening behaviour. I am nothing more than a man of faults and frailties like anyone else, one who makes bad and good decisions, one that is driven by the same impulses and succumbs to the same cautions as everyone else. I have not, nor will I ever, claim to be better than the person standing next to me. Like anyone else, I have done things in my life of which I am not proud; things that have hurt others close to me, and ultimately placed a significant amount of stress and strain on myself because of it. But such is life. Each day is a new day, and were we all to punish ourselves for the things that we feel regret about then we would collectively never get out of bed in the morning.

I write and record music and perform shows. That is all. I am an artist and have been my whole life. I am driven to create on a daily basis, and so I do. And with that comes a slew of character flaws that are intrinsic to my being. Without them I would not be who I am, nor would anyone else for that matter, no matter their talents or profession.

After Show Signings

It is unfair of me to punish the whole because of the actions of a few. Therefore I will continue my tradition of signings after shows. I only ask that you come prepared with your cameras ready to go, what you’d like signed at the ready as I always have a Sharpie, and conscious of the fact that there are others waiting behind you. Beyond that, please conduct yourself in a respectful fashion and I will most assuredly reciprocate that respect.

I hope that this finds all of you well. And if not, that well is on the way.

It’s almost noon, which means only four more hours until the puck drops in Montreal. How I am going to pass those four hours I don’t know.

After returning home some weeks ago I realized something about my apartment. The concrete floors, like hardwood floors, collect dust at an alarming rate. You could vacuum and dust this place on a daily basis only for it to end up in the exact same state the next afternoon. Meanwhile, you’re breathing all of it in, which, if you’re allergic to dust, makes your sinuses very unhappy.

For years I’ve had to sleep with a fan next to the bed for two reasons. One – the noise it produces drowns out the ringing in my ears. Two – I get hot really easily and can’t stand sleeping in a warm room. Unfortunately, because the fan is pointed at the bed, dust particles are probably being pumped through it, meaning that while I’m sleeping I’m getting a healthy dose of dust – fantastic.

My brain has felt like scrambled eggs for weeks. It’s been hard to concentrate, hard to work, hard to read. I find myself obsessively cleaning, folding laundry, opening recording sessions only to have the feeling of ‘I don’t feel like doing this right now’ pass over me. The same goes for writing for the site, actually.

In truth, that’s one of the reasons we tend to make so many graphic changes around here – because it gives me something to do that isn’t focused on my job or the weight of the world. I suppose that’s why I’ve come to envy blogs and sites that aren’t so serious, because writing them must be a ton of fun every day. After a while, writing about music and geopolitics can get to you, I’ll be the first to admit it. The latter of the two tends to cause a great deal of blog fatigue, even to the extent that I’ll read a great deal every day but fail to even bother posting links to those things that I have read to my del.icio.us page, which is something that I have done on a routine basis for some years now.

In a way I miss being on the road. Out there you know what’s going on, what you have to do, and what your day’s going to be like. Having no real connections at home, beyond the dogs and my immediate family, it’s become something that I miss. While I tend to be somewhat of a homebody while at home, there’s something about being constantly on the move that I miss when I’m not doing it.

Anyway, four hours to kill before game 5.